Step Daughter Won't speak to me
I have 2 Step Daughters, 18 and 16. I love them like my own children and have had a great relationship with them for almost 12 years. The 16 year old has always been especially close with me. We are a lot alike. About 5 weeks ago, out of nowhere, she completely cut me off. She will not speak to me, text me, see me.....nothing. It was like a light switch. She went from her normal loving self to completely icing me out in a split second. I have no idea what I did. I have tried to reach out to her, but I can't get any kind of response. I know her well, and I can tell that this behavior is very puposefull. Not like the typical teen girl type of drama. She will no longer come to my house for her weekend visits as well. I have thought and thought about what could have gone so wrong, but have come up with nothing. I still text her every once in a while just to let her know I love her and thinking about her. Needless to say, I am totally devastated. I cry daily. I don't know what to do. Has anyone gone throught this.
- lilflower17's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
What does your DH say about
What does your DH say about this? I a sure he could find out from her what is going on.
He is in the same boat as me.
He is in the same boat as me. She will not talk to him. We are both heartbroken about it. His ex does not provide us with any information about this, so we are totally lost.
I hear ya
After years of a positive relationship up until this point, my SD is turning against me. Again, nothing happened. Though in my case I can tell it's the BM's Influence As a few of her spiteful comments echo adult language and phrases I've heard her mother use. I don't think there's anything you can do about it except continue to reach out in kindness on occasion. And I'm really sorry. I just had a good cry about this stuff last night and know how you feel.
I know all about those good
I know all about those good cries! Not fun. Puffy eyes the next morning. How did you know it was the influence from BM? I could see some of that being the case for me, but I can't say for sure. I don't want to assume anything. I reached out to BM by text about a week ago to let her know I was sorry if I have done anything to offend her, and told her I love the girls and would never want to do anything to hurt them. She seemed understanding and agreed that no parent is perfect. She is happly remarried, and from what I know, my girls get along good with their other dad.
Is she high conflict?
I wouldn't ever reach out to the BM in my case. She has constantly tried to stir up drama, asked to have private meetings with me about DH saying she's worried the kids aren't safe with him (after telling me she slaps the girls and pulls their hair), threatened a friend with ruining her upcoming custody case. So I definitely try to give BM zero things to say about me or cracks in the armor to exploit. We always know when she's working on her alienation strategy with the kids because the vocabulary changes. They say very grown up phrases when making accusations, and I've even heard them say some of the BM's favorite "I'm such a victim" phrases. So that's why I know the source. If your gut tells you that, listen to your gut. If not, maybe it's something else.
but most importantly, you've done your part. You've searched your mental and emotional history and can't think of a single thing you did to hurt or offend. You've reached out in openness and care. All of that is right and good, and all you can do in the meantime Is wait for her to reach back out.
Oh I am so sorry you deal
Oh I am so sorry you deal with that!! I do not have those knd of issues with their mom. That is crazy! I am very lucky and blessed in that way. She is a good mom to the girls. We have not always gotten along perfectly, but nothing like that. I did reach out to her again today just to basically say that I really want all 4 of us parents to get along and to try to make sure that we adults are all good with each other. I do not ask her about how our girls are feeling about me. For all I know, she is going through the same thing. If she is, then I pray for her and think maybe we could relate to each other on that level.
I have decided to back off a little and let my girl have some space. I am pretty sure she knows I love her, so I will try to stop bugging her.
So what in the world is going on with your BM? Glad mine is sane!
I've read somewhere that kids
I've read somewhere that kids around 15-16 seemingly get replaced by aliens and you get them back when they're about 18-19. *wacko*
All joking aside, my SS16 who lives here FT went through a month of like, no contact with me for no good reason. He wasn't mad or anything. It was weird. Then just the other day he started talking to me like nothing happened. Teens are strange, moody and sometimes insufferable. Don't take it personally, you probably did nothing wrong. Give her space to work whatever out in her head and she'll talk to you when ready.
Thank you so much for the
My SD22 stopped talking to me
My SD22 stopped talking to me for 6 months when she was 16. Out of nowhere. I was devastated also but I gave her her space. It was so uncomfortable to be around her and her girlfriend that I took to hiding in my bedroom. Except then I stopped being upset and I started getting annoyed. With myself. I hadn't done anything wrong and I was the one paying the bills. Why was I hiding?
So I started forcing myself to sit in the discomfort in the living room. From the moment I got home until well after midnight, I sat in the living room and did what I wanted. I started laughing and having a good time with the other kids and with my DH. I still did for her what I'd always done - feed her, clothe her, drive her to work. I just gave her space and didn't talk to her. But I'm petty. That's not always the best option for everyone.
SD eventually came around and our relationship is incredible now. I have no speculations about why your SD is doing this. This may just be typical teenage behavior, or she may have perceived some sort of slight from you and her dad. But I recommend giving her the space she wants but find ways to let her know that you're still around for her. And don't let her know that she is effecting anything. That gives her too much power.
From what you have said to me
From what you have said to me, you don't sound petty at all. It sounds like you did the right thing. I hope my girl and I get back on track with our relationship soon.