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Seperate Lives

leighanne's picture

Submitted by leighanne on Mon, 06/10/2013 - 3:55pm

Hello everysteptalke, I moved out of my residence where I lived with dh,ss15, and bs 5, Feb.2013.I moved out
because my ss15 was very disrespectful, threatened to hurt me bs5. Ss15 has been diagnosed with anger difiante explosive personailty. Ss's mom has nothing to do with him. Dh made excuses for ss and under estimated my thoughts and fears(ss son could do no wrong, ss's a tit he's not going to do anything to you) Me and dh have bs 5 together. Bs started cussing, slamming doors acting like ss. I moved out. Well here I am. I ave my own place. Its quite, i dont have to walk on egg shells and bs's attitude is alot better. I have been told that i look better since i left. Here's my probelm, I'm lonely as hell. I've told dh about it and theres not much he can do cause of ss. Ss isnt going anywhere soon. He has a nasty personality, etc. I love dh. He comes up on the weekends. Ss15 stays at home. Ss knows how to take care of himself. Dh makes sure he's ok. I don't like the weekend relationship I have. I want a compainion, someone to hang out with. Do things with. Im ok with being alone. I am 38yrs old. Am I supposed to sit hete and wait on dh to do something with ss. Which i dont see that happening.

Comments

Stepbell's picture

Submitted by Stepbell on Mon, 06/10/2013 - 4:17pm

Welcome to the club... I am in week 3 almost. Same age stepson as you have. It's been very peaceful. I like it a little too much Wink .

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Mon, 06/10/2013 - 4:26pm

I have to say I'm sick of doctors coming up with a new disorder for the bratty, undisciplined behavior of certain children. Anger defiant explosive personality my ass. He's a spoiled brat who needs his father to put a boot in his butt and lay down the law.

Sorry...I was ranting and it's not the point of your story.

Of course you're lonely, you were living with someone for 5 years and this is a huge change. This may be a good time to put some distance between you and your DH and get some counseling. Because your SS with his "disorder" is always going to be around and you need to decide if that is what you want to continue exposing your BS5 to this person.

I wish you all of the best. Change, even for the better, is always difficult.

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Tue, 06/11/2013 - 10:53am

LIKE!! Most of these children have L.O.B. (lack of belt) imho Because your DH has a disciplining "disorder" (afraid to do it) then this situation is not going to go away anytime soon. Soon SS15 will be headed to orange jumpsuit land. I'll bet his grades are in the toilet as well. Ask me how I know this. . . (sigh)

leighanne's picture

Submitted by leighanne on Mon, 06/10/2013 - 4:56pm

Thankyou for responding. Stepbell congrates on your new peace of mind. It is that at the most!! Especially when you don't have to look at dh and stepkid(s) yuck :sick: ! Shaman29 I have seriously been thinking about that. Only it wasn't 5 yrs together it was 10 yrs! I resent, I resent ss and dh. There they sit. Dh says he misses me terriably, I just don't he dose as much as I do him. I feel as though I would move mountains to be with the one i love. Only its not my son its his. I dont kno how dh sits in the same room with ss15 after seperating the family. Ss15 came to live with us. We invted him in. Not me. Yes it was my choice to move out, it got to the point counselers were comming in and telling me and dh to remove all sharp objects out.(ss15 very violent) Ss15 is still awful to live with dh says, not as bad when me and bs5 was there. I could love 'em or leave dh.

Stepbell's picture

Submitted by Stepbell on Mon, 06/10/2013 - 5:56pm

I live mine very much too. And would move the same mountains but he has to be willing to do the same. I have tried to talk to my dh on too many occasions to keep count. All I got was excuses because he didn't want to see the truth. My ss has never been diagnosed but his aggression started over a year ago. Literally putting bruises on me then telling his dad he was just playing. I knew different. My diagnosis has been spoilt beyond control by both parents and being mean to me out of resentment for his dad living so far away and not getting to be there like he wants. He has a half bro and sis but has basically grew up like an only child and has had his dad to himself for so long that I was the intruder when he had to start following rules. I moved to get peace from it all when I gave up because dh won't make him mind. My kids aren't saints by no means but they know respect. And this time they didn't even want to be around him because of his bad attitude. It's hard. It gets lonely. Some days I feel guilty. But peace, yes I have that right now and you will too. At least to catch your breath and think things through for what's best for you and your child. His safety comes first.

Stepbell's picture

Submitted by Stepbell on Mon, 06/10/2013 - 7:12pm

I think mine should be the case study to get it in the medical books as an official diagnosis