Mediation between DH and BM was last Friday. An impasse was declared. NO shocker there.

The issues BM had:

• Primary custody with first right of refusal. DH’s visitation would have been Thurs - Sunday every other week for a total of 8 days per month. DH rejected that proposal and no other proposal was offered. She wouldn't consider his suggestions of joint custody 50/50 time and really balked when he said if she felt so strongly about them being in a single household he would be happy for them to live with us since he was in a stable relationship and had the financial means to fully support them.
• SS10’s grades have dropped. I would contend, not by much and it could very well be due to the high doses of narcotics that she insist he have because she is too lazy to try alternative interventions for his supposed ADD.
• The alleged "negative" situation in our household...which is all in her head. Any negative issues have a direct correlation to her interference in EVERYTHING we try to do.
• The weekly arrangement was not acceptable to BM or the skids...despite the fact that it is the skids who requested it.
• It was difficult on the skids to pack up their things every week. Agree...but it is more disruptive to pack up every other night like they had to do before.
• BM wants the kids with her for the majority of the time to make things easier and more consistent
• BM doesn't "like" the current arrangement - she has to give up "control" over the kids and that is her primary issue---She actually said this.

BM stated the kids say "there is nothing to eat at Dad's". We strive to cook healthy meals with fresh ingredients. We don't cook prepared dinners or boxed dinners. We always have food, even snacks. Just not too much junk food and may not always be exactly what SD14 wants. BM offered no solution other than we should cook like her. Um...no. That doesn't count as cooking.

BM stated that SD14 went for a week without lunch at school "because there was nothing she liked to eat at Dad's". Key word...that she LIKED to eat. Which doesn't make sense b/c we buy lunch stuff specifically to favor what the kids and skids LIKE to eat. Later BM stated that during the same week, SD14 had to borrow money from friends for cookies at school and that BM had to pay those friends back. BM stated several times that the money was for cookies. DH asked if a cookie was a suitable substitute for lunch for which she had no response. Even the mediator said, well that is what you said. The mediator did ask later what we each had in our homes for lunch and they were similar and he asked BM how my house was different for which BM had no response.

This food issue is RIDICULOUS!

BM stated the kids "don't sleep well at Dad's". Only SS10 has a bedtime, but all have a phone restriction in place. DH stated the phone policy was in place to promote sleep. On school nights restrictions are after 9:15 pm for SS10 and 10:30 pm for SD14. This is to prevent calling/texting so they will sleep. Prior to restrictions both would stay up texting or playing games. SS10 would text his mother until 10:30 or later. It would be silly things like jokes...not a discussion of consequence. Regardless of what they should do, they have shown that they are not capable (especially SS10) of policing themselves and not staying up all night therefore we limit their activity so they can sleep. This goes for my girls as well. BM has stated repeatedly to skids that "Dad won't let you talk to me". Somehow DH manages to call skids before restrictions start each night on BM's weeks. It is not like their phones are restricted only when at our home. BM stated that she needed phone access at night "in case the children had a nightmare" and said the kids were afraid to bother DH during the night. Complete BS given how many times they knock on our bedroom door.

In deciding the impasses the mediator stated that the issues the court would decide wouldn't help us, the court will decide schedules, time, money, etc... but our issues were interpersonal and they couldn't enforce that.

I'm just not sure about all of this. BM is out to get more CS when it finally starts. She is trying to keep from selling the house that DH has to pay for. She wants complete control of the skids and wants to punish DH for his existence. There is NO grounds for custody modification. I can't see how a judge would even give her the time of day. Even the accusations she makes about me are unfounded and without evidence. The whole thing has been a strain on EVERYONE.

Why does this have to be so hard? I don't understand the inability to be civil and look out for the best interest of the children. In one of the discussions with SD14 I pointed out that I am accused of always "starting something" but find it strange that I have no conflict with anyone else on this planet! Even my ex and I can discuss kid issues without conflict. I told SD14 that if I was so high drama and conflict that would not be possible, right? She nodded.

At what point do you give up?