Do your 7 year olds know what HATE means ?
I didn't write about this right when it happened because I was so upset I didn't want to over react but now that its been a little over a week I am still pretty upset. So my DH was working one day and my SD was grounded for once again not listening and disrespecting my mother when she was babysitting the kids so I could go get an ultrasound with my DH. (Kids are not allowed to come with)so I am sitting there talking to her about being disrespectful and ignoring people when they talk to you and she sitting there smiling I looked at her and said I can tell you don't like me but you to at least be respectful and listen to what I have to say since we are living together. She looked at me and said,"You can tell I hate you". I couldn't believe she just said and since I knew that my DH wouldn't believe me either I told her I had to check on BD and grabbed my phone to record her and went back and started asking her why she hated me and when she started hating me? She said I have hated you for a long time and I don't remember what you did that made me start hating you but it one day I was thought about my NANA (MIL) and she buys me toys and let me do whatever I wanted when I lived with her and it made me not like you more. I had to walk away I couldn't listen to her say the word hate one more time. I went in my bathroom and she comes in and says why are you crying and walked away. When DH got home he wasn't to happy wit her and kept talking to her about how mean it was to say that and everything but when he was done he came out to me and said she only 7 she doesn't know what hating someone means. I am sorry but if one of the kids from school or even I told her I hated her she would know it was mean and it would hurt her feelings. It makes me so mad that every time she does something he has an excuse for the things she says or does. Plus now MIL keeps texting DH asking if I am being nice to SD and If SD is ok. All this and I am suppose to act like Mommy and still give love to her and give hugs and kisses knowing that whats giving back to me is Fake. I am her primary and pretty much only caregiver for SD waking her up in the Am getting her ready for school, cooking, cleaning and everything for this child that could care less about me.I never knew that being a step parent would be this.
- Kerrid04's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I think a 7 year old
I think a 7 year old (especially a girl) knows that telling someone she hates them is one of the most hurtful things a person can say to another. So yeah... you are right to be super hurt and OMG if my MIL texted DH asking if I was "being nice to SD", I would be super offended. Of course it always comes down to the SM not being nice enough. VOMIT.
You give give give to them, and you get F-all in return, or in your case, getting told she hates you. I think DH should tell her it's unacceptable to say she hates you and tell her that she will be in big trouble if she ever does it again.
I'm with Chaos &
I'm with Chaos & Marty...while a child of that age may not fully understand the true meaning of the word "hate", they certainly know how & when to use it! This is NOT one of those "but she's only 7" instances...this is a "she's being a huge turd & needs a serious talking to" instead!
I'm sorry your SD is being hideous to you! ((((hugs))))
^^^^ Great answer,
^^^^ Great answer, ChaosUncontained! That's probably the most wise, kind & profound thing one could say to a child who is "testing" or being a deliberate turd head. Good luck, Kerrid04! I hope your SD7 can see how she hurt your feelings. I had SS13 pull that one on me & DH? And he mocked us...grrr! Can we say disengage? Keep us up to date. I send you a big hug.
My bio children and
My bio children and grandchildren have been known to say it on occassion. It was more of something for them to say at a time when they were just totaly frustrated. Lenghthy explanations and talks at that age never seemed to work, just added more frustration to the problem. Sometimes an adult just stating ahead of time what the consequences will be for a behavior and then following thru works better. Forget the long discussions everything gets tuned out after 10 words.
When SD8, who is a very
When SD8, who is a very loving child, gets here this weekend, I'll ask her and report back.
My guess is that even if she doesn't know what "hate" means, she knew she was being hateful and pushing buttons.
My ss started telling me he
My ss started telling me he hated me at age 9. He's 13 now and has maintained this whole time that he dislikes me. We could be on vaca and I could have just bought him a big old ice cream and he will still look at me and tell me he dislikes me. When he is in a good mood he just dislikes me-if he's particularly angry with me then he hates me. I am pretty sure he knew what it meant when he started using it at 9-am quite positive he knows the real meaning of it now-as he has the actions toward me to back up the words. I think you should ground her-tell her she is entitled to feel however she likes but that is not a polite thing to say to anyone. Beyond that i would not give it anymore attention-as if she knows it upsets you then she will use it frequently.
I'm she is being a 7 yo
I'm she is being a 7 yo shithead. Perfectly normal...she is looking to test you. She may feel "replaced/jealous" because of the baby.
Don't let it get to you. The bigger issue you make the more she will say it....just wait until your bio-child says it to you! Both of my bio-girls have done this and it is infuriating. But they are wanting emotional response.
She is old enough to be told: "We can hate things, actions, but not people." Tell her when she uses it other wise she has a potty mouth and have her got sit in the bathroom. Keep calm and move on.
Oh each time they have done it they were mislabeling emotions -- with being a step it could be that she feels abandon, jealous, alone, sad, et A LOT of things. She might need to hear and feel the same reassurance she gets from her bio-parents of loving unconditionally.
These days, with all the Tv,
These days, with all the Tv, they hear the word hate all the time. I am sorry this happened to you and I can really relate. I do think that letting her know how hurtful that is, and what an affect it has on you and what a big deal it is, is actually just letting her know that she has a very powerful weapon. I believe in honesty with kids, and I was extremely honest with my BD, but at a later age. Kids will say these things and they will hurt us, but I would honestly not make it so that she really starts believing it. If you can, I would brush it off and tell her yeah, well, people use that word a lot when they are mad and frustrated and life is more complicated than that. Done.
Not that it's easy; not that I know for a fact that it is the right thing.
SD is young, and you are
SD is young, and you are young. As one who has seen, even with rotten niece to extraordinary decent step father, spoiled-brat other niece to parents, I can tell you they are self-centered blathering rude children who will continue that sass until adulthood.
THen, they realize how cruel they are and usually, however not always....but these two did, will fight to protect the one they so hated.
So remain calm, don't react to her pushing your buttons....and let her know you fear for the mind health of your child being around someone who can hate. LEt her know how hate not only hurts the person she targets, but how bad it makes her look.
These poor souls I know battled it for 20 years...good luck...I feel for you, but have seen the results and they are the exact opposite of all the years of hate.
my SS7 once told me he hated
my SS7 once told me he hated me ( on the return from a few night at fetus holders house) he told me i should move out and leave BD here. i started to laugh, ( also kind of hurt) told him, he can go live at fetus holders house becuase this house is MINE and I'M the one who is "letting" him live there. FH had a talk with him and he hasent said anything.............yet!!!