Found drug paraphernalia
Today when I took SS16's laundry out of the dryer (so I could use the dryer) I found paraphernalia. Idiot! Ridiculous to have it, even more ridiculous to leave it around the house! Anyway...
I calmly called my boyfriend to tell him to come home and see what I found. My first reaction was to have the sheriff's dept come over and 'scare' or ticket him. The boyfriend flipped out, he didn't want to involve the law WTF? This kid brings drugs into my house where we have other children living and he doesn't want his son to take responsibility YIKES!
After careful consideration and compromise, we decided to remove EVERYTHING from his bedroom except his box springs and mattress and necessary bedding. Then we are going to make him contact the city and volunteer to pick up trash etc. (parent ordered community service). We also are purchasing the drug tests you can get at the pharmacy and doing random piss tests (mostly to be used after he has been at his BM's house). He also has to do a 'research paper' for us that details the laws in our state regarding drugs and alcohol. The last thing is that we are having him evaluated to see where we are in the addiction stage (is he experimenting with weed or is he an official pot head!)
The boy lies uncontrallably so we are implementing ALL of this without 'his side of the story'. I found what I found, no excuses!
I have never had to deal with this type of situation, nor do I know anyone that has...I need advice! Are we taking the right approach? Should I have called law enforcement? Am I over reacting? Under reacting? lol Please Help!
- Kenna's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
i've never dealt with this
i've never dealt with this but i don't think you are over-reacting. this is a HUGE problem!
if you find out he's doing it again then i'd definitely contact the authorities. and let him know this is your next plan of action!
It is most definitely the
It is most definitely the next plan of action, whether its because we find more or if he pees positive I WILL call law enforcement.
My bs17 got caught with chewing tobacco at school and I made the school call the cops and he was cited for MIP of tobacco and had to go to court and ended up with community service (my kids know I don't mess around lol)
If I had found actual drugs I wouldnt have even given the boyfriend the option, I would have called law enforcement! I am mean but I don't mind
I am raising good bio kids!
lol the boyfriend said the
lol the boyfriend said the same thing, and I responded to him in the same way! He is ruining his OWN life.
The boyfriend found out a year and a half ago that ss16 was smoking pot, and had a 'chat' with him! I said NO chat this time, your last one got us where we are today!
This is the time to nip it.
This is the time to nip it. I guess he has no prior record? Of course, you don't want him to have one, but if it's going to happen, it's better to have it happen now & have it disappear after he's learned the lesson than for his dad to teach him (through action) that he'll "protect" him from the law & have it escalate to a record after he's 18, that will never go away...& possibly jail time.
This is serious, & as houtxstepmom mentioned, it's serious for EVERYone in that household, especially with other kids there. Things like that lead to parents being charged with child endangerment & the like. CPS gets involved. It's much better, for everyone, to put a stop to this now.
I tried to have him explain
I tried to have him explain his position that he didn't want ss16 to get in trouble. I think he realized the words coming out of his mouth were ridiculous, it was a huge breakthrough lol I will make him a good parent yet!
You're not over-reacting. I
You're not over-reacting. I actually applaud the both of you for taking charge of this. So many parents are willing to let it slide. I wish my SO had handled his children the same way. Instead we ended up with one that dropped out at 17. He ended up a heroin junkie, in jail, and now on probation for another 2 years. He turned 21 a few months ago and couldn't even celebrate with a beer.
It is really difficult, my
It is really difficult, my boyfriend is so used to not paying attention to his kids and not disciplining them and I am big on following rules and my kids taking responsibility for every choice they make. It was all I could do to calmly talk to him about our options for this situation. I am proud of myself for trying to listen to his point of view and coming up with a compromise lol maybe there is hope for us parenting together!
I don't think you are
I don't think you are over-reacting. I wish my parents had done even half of what you are doing when it came to my brother. He had been arrested at 15 or 16 for smoking pot at the local mall. They bailed him out and that was the beginning of it all. I actually had to put a dead bolt on my bedroom door, BEDROOM DOOR for gods sake, to keep him from going in and stealing things while he was skipping school.
You are doing exactly what needs to be done. If it happens again, call the authorities.
I think if this is the first
I think if this is the first time you've encountered this you handled it well. I'd follow through with the authorities if he continues to bring it in the house.
WELL F@#K!!! All the
WELL F@#K!!!
All the compromising and discussion today about how to handle today's situation went out the window!!!
We sat down with ss16 and he of course denied everything (the plan was not to even give him the opportunity to respond!!!) and his dad believed him! Even felt sorry for him!!!
I GIVE UP!!!!!!!
I don't even know what to do...
Yes you do, Since Plan A
Yes you do, Since Plan A backfired (I think it was reasonable and fair) you need to implement Plan B call the authorities or tell the school what you found so they start watching him and bust him
What story did he have that
What story did he have that made his dad feel sorry for him??? He had drug paraphernalia in his bedroom.
I agree with buttercookie. Call the police & file a report. If your DH wants to enable his son's drug habit, leave him to it. You have yourself & the other children in your home that you are accountable for.
Let him tell his story to the judge.
As soon as he was confronted
As soon as he was confronted ss16 started crying and denying it and his dad felt pity for him (the tears worked!), I was so pissed off I got up and walked out of the room. Then later his dad went on a walk with him (babying him and giving him daddy time when he is in trouble, like always) and ss16 admitted to smoking weed, but claimed it was 2 months ago. Well the kid LIES about EVERYTHING, so 2 months ago? hmmmmm doubtful!! But lets say I believed him, what was his punishment for smoking week 2 months ago and for lying during the original conversation and saying he never smokes weed? NOTHING! My boyfriend's response was "Well I didn't want to punish him for finally talking to me" WTF SERIOUSLY??? I told him even a good dog will come when you call it and it knows its in trouble!! Why hasn't he taught his son that BOTH honesty and responsibility for your actions are expected!
So after arguing all night and all morning about the issue, he finally agreed that tonight he will have this conversation:
"Son, thank you for finally talking to me, I appreciate you finally being honest, HOWEVER, you still broke the law and smoked weed and your punishment for that will be (everything I listed before)...
I just hate that after all the work we put into the original plan that we have to go through a full night and morning arguing over it!!
Have I mentioned how thankful I am for this place! Without a vent I would explode!
Remind your SO that the kid
Remind your SO that the kid would not have told him if he hadn't been caught. Also let him know that a kid who tried it once, two months ago, would not have paraphernalia in his laundry. I also feel it's important to find out the when, where, and with whom of these things.
I agree, you are right! Thank
I agree, you are right! Thank you!!