FH read my diary and it's not good...
So, FH read my diary two weeks ago and just blurted it out tonight that he did. I'm pissed to no end but I can see where he'd be mad too after what he read. I've written about my first and 'true love' and how FH isn't anything like him....I KNOW that I would EVER go back to that man in my past but I can see how FH would be threatened. However, my main point is that FH found it and read it. I asked him if he'd read his daughter's diary and he said yes and has...I don't really believe him or he would know that his daughter had sex at 12 years old! I feel so violated and the only way I feel is to get back to him...like show him what his little 'innocent' daughter is doing in her spare time...
- Manda's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
diary blunder
I probably would tell him what his daughter is doing for safety reasons, but try to make it come from a different source.
I probably wouldn't keep a diary; instead I would call a girlfriend to tell her all my little "secrets".
He has trust issues; I would find out why he doesn't true you that he had to read it. Since he is insecure, it would be wise to assure your love and commitment to him. (my husband needs constant assurance, but then again I think all men do).
Why
Why haven't you had him read her diary? Everyone has a right to privacy...WHEN THEY'RE AN ADULT. I wouldn't show him what she wrote just to get back at him...but he does need to see it regardless of your reasons.
My Dh has read my journals SEVERAL times. He used to take everything I wrote seriously until I finally got him to understand that I write when I'm pissed,hurt,sad,confused but it isn't how I feel all the time. He found some really nasty stuff I wrote about my sd11 and THAT was a GIGANTIC fight. But I tell him if he can't handle what is written in my books then don't friggin read them. Now I keep a journal out in the open that's just for his eyes and I keep my real one buried in my closet...somewhere }:)
My Dh doesn't have trust issues, he's nosey and knows I censor my thoughts more and more so that really bothers him that he has no clue what is going on in my head. I figure he only needs to know what I tell him because the other stuff I'm thinking isn't any of his business until I find a more palatable way of talking about it. That's the whole point of a journal...to organize thoughts and find a better way to express them to people. Most of it is about his daughter and it's just hurtful so he doesn't need to see it or hear about it. I obviously have a very low tolerance for her and journaling about it makes it seem manageable so I can be the "good stepmom" when it comes to being around her. Get out the bad thoughts to make room for the good ones...
~Dignity and Grace. Be that and sneak past the hate...wrinkle free~
I totally agree with
I totally agree with everything you said barbie! I DO need to tell him about SD's diary but I've been trying to figure out a way without threatening him or making him feel like I've invaded her space or didn't trust her...because he trusts her way too much...obviously. I just had that "womens intuition" and went snooping in her room one day...and low and behold my intuition was right. As for me keeping a journal, I don't think there is anything wrong with that...you're right... That's how I get my frustrastions and bad thoughts out so I don't blow up at the skids. I get other thoughts out of my head too...such as past loves. I actually just talked to FH on the phone to let him know the skids got off to school without any problems and he apologized for reading my journal. He said that everyone is entitled to their privacy and he was sorry for invading it...I said we'll talk about it later and he said no I'm talking about it now. So I said well then I'm not sure I can forgive you right now because it really pissed me off. It's not like I go around snooping in his stuff... It almost makes me wonder if I need to start snooping because usually when something like that happens the accuser is the one that is doing the wrong behavior.
oooooh...interesting way to turn it
BUT I think in your case your DH probably isn't doing anything worth snooping into i really think he's probably similar to my DH and just wants to know every thought that floats into your head hence turning him into a snoopy snoop.
For Sd's journal...I am wearing the guilty sweater on this topic because I TOTALLY snooped in my sd's journal. Found some horrifying stuff she wrote about EVERYONE and how much she hates everyone including her mother and her father. Funny part about it was she didn't write anything bad about me except for I say damn and crap too much and I am too hard on my son. But she said she hates her father and she hates her mother and she hates her grandmother...etc...
I certainly showed that whole journal to my DH and I didn't care what he thought of me at that point. He needed to see the anger she has inside of her so he could help her work it out. I think adults have every right to privacy but with kids who don't communicate...you have to check up on them to make sure they aren't struggling internally.
~Dignity and Grace. Be that and sneak past the hate...wrinkle free~
lol...that's exactly what I do
in "dh's diary" (on the bookshelf in our room) has the rainbow coated version of my bitching about his guilt daddy crap...gives it to him in small doses so he can swallow it down and let it process.
~Dignity and Grace. Be that and sneak past the hate...wrinkle free~
You're right crayon...I
You're right crayon...I probably just need to keep blogging and not keep a journal in the house...however with him finding it and reading it I still violated. I actually ripped out my entries last night so if he reads it again he won't read the bad stuff I've written about his kids. I actually wrote an entry last night which I hope he finds and reads about his ex-wife and how he basically is a pussy when dealing with her. He gives into her demands and requests way to easily. Sometimes I think I have the balls in this relationship and it makes me so mad! She is just a plain bitch and I don't understand why he can't see it. I'm sure this little conversation will be coming up tonight when we hash everything out.
I've kept a journal since I was 9
So 30 years of writing equals a lot of diaries. I keep them in a locked box in my closet and only I know where the key is. I wouldn't read anyone else's private thoughts. FH and DD are fully aware of just how serious an offence that is in our home. My take is, if you're stupid enough to read what someone writes to herself, you deserve any unflattering words you've read about yourself in there. If you're even more stupid, you'll admit to it. If you regain some sense, you'll live with your transgression and keep your mouth shut.
Your FH would have gotten the silent treatment for a week if that had been my journal. Some things have to be sacred.
Wait a minute....you read SD
Wait a minute....you read SD diary but are mad that he read yours? And you think he should read her diary???
My mom had a rule "if it is left out I read it. If it is put away I won't" Kids often leave things out without realizing what is in it. This rule can get you what you need to find out without "snooping"
I think there's a HUGE
I think there's a HUGE difference between a 12 year old and a 30 year old's diary! Yes, I think I have a right to snoop when she lives in the home that I help pay for...and thank God I did because now I know she is having sex. No 13 year old should be having sex and truth be told she was 12 when it first happened! What do you have to say about a pre-teen having sex?!?!?? I don't have any regrets about SNOOPING through her things! Maybe there is a chance that I can save her from getting pregnant at 16 like her piece of shit mother did!
I think the principle is the
I think the principle is the same. My SD has a diary, she is 10 yrs. It was left out on the counter and I told her " I am going to read this now since you left it out for everyone" and I did. She was upset but she never left it out again---did it say anything she shouldn't have done--no but she was still upset and learned her lesson. I guess what I am trying to get acrossed is that privacy means a lot to people whether you are 12 or 30.
The fact that she is having sex is a decision you can only gear her away from by having talks and doing the best you can. It is her decision and she is going to make mistakes like a lot of kids do. Talk to her, talk about it a lot. And for heavens sake, if she is having sex get her on some birth control---- her BMs mother never did that favor for her child--do it for yours.
I am sorry that you took offense to the term "snooping" but, IMHO looking into someones private things is just that.
I will not condone sex at 13 years old.
Yes, I SNOOPED but I don't regret it no matter what... No 13 year old should be having sex...PERIOD! I don't care if it's her life or not! If I found out that my little sister who is 9 years old was having sex I would do everything in my power to stop it...not condone it by getting her birth control. If SD is stupid enough to have sex so young without protection and feels like she's grown up enough to take the consiquenses then she knows that she will be on her own if she gets pregnant...just like her mom and dad were. I will talk to her and remind her that there are consequences but I'm not sure how much that will have an impact. But then again she will know she is not allowed in my home with a baby if it ever happens. I hope she keeps in mind that her BM only lives in a small townhouse with her husband and child and has another child coming so it'd be pretty tight quarters if she lived there with a baby.
I glad that you will put
I glad that you will put forth the effort to at least speak to her about it. She is only 12, don't give up on her so quickly.
I suggest BC becuz just a shot of Depo would change and potentially save12 yr old from ruining the rest of her life and end up were we are with a split family. BC is not condoning it is being sure the mistakes she has made as a CHILD don't impact the rest of her life.
Livejournal
If you write on Livejournal.com and mark it Private, no one can see it but you. I think the Admins look just to make sure you are not killing people, but they don't know you though. It is the most secure journal method I have found.
My SD does not know about my computer though because I read on another forum of a visiting stepchild adding the 'keystroke monitor' so that BM could read all that is entered in - talk about violating privacy!
p.s. I don't think minors have a right to privacy when they are hurting themselves, ex. drugs or sex at 12-! I would tell DH and try not to reveal the source - but hey, if he can read yours, you can read hers - but see above, she is a minor and he is responsible for her wellbeing.
_________________________________________________________
Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.
William Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 2 scene 2Thanks Most Evil!
I am going to try the website that you recommended. It sounds like just the right place for me. FH never goes on the Internet plus I always blog from my iPhone so he won't be able to see what I've ever written...nor his kids especially his daughter who is on the computer all the time. Thank you again!
Glad I could help :)
It is addictive too-!! They have groups for almost any interest, ex. bellydancing?!! I also enjoy reading Shanmonster, she has a great public site that anyone can see and is quite an interesting person!
_________________________________________________________
Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.
William Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 2 scene 2My mother once told me
My mother once told me "Never write anything that you don't want someone else to see". I don't "journal", this is the only place I've put my feelings into words for someone to read.
When I think back to some of the really bad times with SS/BM, I shudder to think how DH would have felt if I did journal, and he read it. I was ready to walk - it got so bad, and I had a bag half-packed one day before I calmed down, and realized that me leaving DH was exactly what BM wanted.