Hon, your partner is the fool in this situation. Enabling her addict son does him no favours; why should he give up his 'habits' when he always has a safe place to land? You must now realize that staying in this destructive relationship will never end well. You've already wasted 9 years of your life as the 'person in the wrong' and it's clear that neither your partner nor her son will ever change.

How many more years are you willing to throw away on 2 losers who have ‘broken’ you? Life is short, Hon. Time to save yourself, get out and stay out!

When you posted back in 2019, I wrote that his mother and grandmother enable him and that as long as you live with your partner, you will be subjected to this sh*show. Likely for YEARS. 

Sadly, it's 4 years later and nothing has changed; they continue to enable SS. 

I agree with grannyd; it's time to save yourself. 

Idk you or your relationship but one easy way to detach from your partners dysfunction is to MOVE OUT 

Voila

Most of your sanity will be restored. 
 

No amount of seggs, saving up two incomes in one household, having a woman around is worth your peace. Throw those deuces and don't look back. 

A child with an addiction issue is incredibly difficult to navigate for most families even in the best of circumstances.  The poor card you got dealt with his problem.. are the kind that will break you.. break your family.  My brother had an addiction issue.. was in his 40's before he finally wanted to be fixed bad enough.. because he was looking at his own mortality if  he kept going.

Your SS may be neither smart enough.. or live long enough to actually get to that point.. especially with multiple family members willing to save him.

You can walk away from this.. 

For the states that allown alimony...most start looking seriously at the 10 year mark. Choose wisely. She will want money to support her drug addict. 

You wrote "I will always be the person in the wrong when it comes to her son" - now remeber it every day and it will get worse befor it gets better, and God knows how many years or maybe nver. Draw the line or you are going to be miserabe forever, no amount of love is worth your self-destruction... and these things kill love really fast.

I would understand if it were more subtle things, like many of us have been navigating through, but an addict that is not yours, and is being enabled by a weak/lazy parenting style, and is becoming now an adult addict... NO!! get out - you will end up destroyed.

You have to make sure that SS doesn't bleed you dry.  Your SO who gave this illness to her son is blaming herself for this.  Then blaming you for not doing what she wants you to do.  You must first realize this is how it's going to be,  SS will move in with you stealing and taking anything he wants..leaving. Two weeks later everything is forgiven.

Are you happy living this way. If not leave. It's not going to get better until he cleans up. If he can, some can not do that. Or he kilkes himself. One way or another. The older they get it's harder for them to bounce back.   

You will only be the person in the wrong for as long as YOU choose to stay.

So make a different choice and take action to no longer be there.

Take care of you.

Time to remove yourself from all of this.

Wish them well, block all access for any of them to contact you and hit your reset.

The good thing is you realize that you 'should have listened'...now you can finally say "I DID LISTEN". That is a very good thing.

(((HUGS)))

I would leave. Life is too short to be broken and miserable.

Addiction is a FAMILY disease. Your wife and MIL are a huge component in this, and nothing will change unless they get help, too. Since that doesn't seem likely, your options are stay or go. Please, please make the healthy choice.

My DH enabled his son too. I had no experience with addiction but I knew that draining my bank account and emotional resources was not sustainable. I left one husband and DH knew I could and would leave him too.

Fortunately DH sought help from friends in the addiction community, in long-term recovery. The message DH received was consistent from them--no support, no money, no housing, minimal gifts. It was the hardest thing DH ever did, but his son is now sober 10 years.

So, I stopped enabling my DH (no "borrowing" money, etc.) and DH stopped enabling his son. It seems unnatural not to "help" your child but that help is detrimental to everyone.

It's not too late to reclaim your life.