Avoiding potential for abuse allegations
My dh and I do not have kids of our own. He is in a job where he can only see his kids a couple times a year. I have a very respectable occupation. BM is crazy. Period. Dot. I have had to change my phone number due to her harassing me. We have been stalked by her and do not give out our address. When my DH is in the country we have to turn my caller ID off on my cell so the BM can't get my number. BM tries to guilt trip DH into giving her more money for the kids when she is mismanaging child support. My DH forbids me from going to the small town he grew up in because he is concerned for my safety with the BM or her crazy family around. BM has recruited SD14 to hate me all of a sudden after BM realized I had a good relationship with her daughter. Now that my relationship with SD has gone south the thought crosses my mind that would his kids be manipulated by BM to make some sort of abuse or maltreatment accusations against me if I am around his kids, or if they stay with us for a visit? I think this is not something to put past the BM. I have a lot to lose with my career if anything like that ever happened. I do not want to be around the skids because of that. The SS8 is a sweetie but I can't help but be on alert that as he grows he may fall victim to BMs manipulation and agenda. I do not want to be in the same *anywhere* with his kids because of this concern in light of the BM's craziness. If we had kids together or a pet I would NEVER leave them alone with the skids EVER. Does anyone have experience or advice about this?
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I had a situation where NPD
I had a situation where NPD BM actually DID claim to DH that she had filed abuse allegations against him with social services, and he was going to be investigated. This was in 2002, before I moved in with him - his daughters were 5 and 7 at the time.
When DH phoned social services to ask what was going to happen, they had no record of her contacting them - she had made the whole thing up. After this unsavoury episode I decided two things. First - there was no unethical level to which she would not sink in order to hurt us. Second - from that day to this (the SDs are now 16 and nearly 18) I will not be left alone with them if DH is not around. Like you, I had a good job and I was not going to let NPD BM ruin my life with abuse allegations.
This is exactly what happened
This is exactly what happened to me. I nearly lost my son, my job, my house everything!! I had always had a great relationship with SS4 he was my little shaddow. As soon as I married his Dad things went majorly south!! He became very withdrawen and started with little things like calling me names etc which I completely ignored. That escallated to outright lies including telling his Doctor and social services that i'd pushed him downstairs, punched him in the face, locked him in his room etc. I was investigated by the police and social services which was awful but they caught him out in his lies when his stories started to get more fanciful (I had apparently sneaked into his bedroom at mummys house and beaten him up!!)I have nothing to do with him now and my life is getting somewhere near normal again. My only wish is that I had been more proactive before it all started. I had a gut feeling for months that something like this might have happened but ignored it. NEVER IGNORE YOUR GUT! My advice to you is tell your doctor your fears they will have the right info on how to protect yourself. Call social services yourself and tell them your concerns (the stalking, having to change numbers etc)then at least its logged that you had these suspisions long before any trouble starts. Do not be alone with the kids under any circumstances. Cover your back but with any luck it wont get to that. Hope for the best prepare for the worst!!
Thank you for the insight and
Thank you for the insight and personal experiences. This whole thing is ridiculous. I'm sick and tired of it. I agree in hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. My hope is for a drama free life and I'm prepared to disengage and carry on like that part of his life does not exist.