Well we had a good long talk with the skids. Guess I am pretty scary to them. I don't put up with any type of stuff from kids (I am the adult, my rules override them) but come to find out their mother is some sort of failed psychologist. Funny that. My personal opinion is she is turning them into incapable people who won't be able to handle the really tough stuff that may hit them as they grow. Oh well, not my children so no skin off me. However we did tell them our house, our rules and mother has no say. Period. I think they got the message.

She's actually a good mom, just a bit of a helicopter mom, IMO.

Now, me, I made out like a bandit (I hope) with my FSM. Son got in trouble for hitting another student and the ex refused to punish him (bad enough for in-school suspension) but FSM said she disagreed (although she refuses to believe little dude's diagnosis even though it came from well known and degrees sources) and would have continued the punishment. However, she said, as I have before to hubby's ex, she is NOT the mom and so has to bow to the parent's decision.

Well, now little dude has been diagnosed with that final piece I have been looking for. Little dude has hearing loss in his left ear. Bad enough for a true IEP at school and FSM has had to bite the bullet and agree little dude has some issues that need extra care.

All of this has sort of opened my eyes that each of the kids really does need a different approach. Makes it a bit tough but I am sure I would do it if all of them were mine.

OSS - 11 has ADHD, still wets the bed (whole other story), attitude like he is the only one who knows a da**ed thing (although proven wrong time after time), and is messy (typical of the age). However, he does at least show respect for the rules, for now. Poor kid is also allergic to ...
Milk and any derivatives
Eggs and any derivatives
Shell fish
Tree nuts

Cats
Most dogs
And having to watch all of this at the grocery store kind of sux, but it is important.

BS - 9 has ADHD, SPD, and hearing loss, very independent, whiny (yes, my fault I am sure), was an only child until 2 years ago. It has been a tough transition for him. He loves having brothers but hates when they argue. Gets on his nerves, which are generally on edge anyway due to his SPD. But he loves them and hubby, his dad (ugh), FSM, and pretty much everyone. A really caring kid when he actually thinks about it.

YSS - 8 is the one I have to remember to not dislike. He is allergic to eggs. That is all that is wrong with this kid but you would think the world is coming to an end. I know much of it is his mother. I know she loves him but she has him questioning everything he puts in his mouth, on his skin, what he touches, when he gets a single scratch then he needs a hospital. Have to always take a deep breath and remember he is a hypochondriac. Nice kid for the most part but I can pretty much guarantee that there will never be any type of love there. Mutual assured destruction is a good way to describe our relationship.

Now, hubby. Great guy that coddles his kids more than I coddle mine. I thought I was bad. He is just as terrified of allowing his kids to explore as their mother. It is amazing (his words not mine) as to how much more he is allowing the kids to do since he met me than before. OSS was never allowed to be out in the yard doing work. Might just trigger an allergy attack. Ummm, yeah, and? He was fine. I had him pulling weeds, pruning bushes, even mowing. He was soooo excited he told his mother and she flipped. Hubby reminded her this is a parenting difference and not legal one. YSS had never been to a water park or public pool. Last summer I have never seen the kid have so much fun. We went to the ocean, water park, they ran through my hose, helped me wash my car. They all do household chores and no one has suffered.

I guess what it is that I do have an influence on them even if others don't want me to.
Pretty much life is ok, just a bit stressful.

Will get to MY ex next time...now THAT is a trip and a half!