Why live in the past?
My sm just sent a message reminding me of all the pain my bm caused me and my siblings when she left 20 yrs ago.C'mon! Its been 20 yrs already! Am I the only one who has moved past this shit! Yes, my mother left my father when I was 15 years old.Blah,Blah, blah.What about all the pain my father has caused? I love my bm. She is a wonderful mother and grandmother. I understand why she did what she and why she had to do it that way. I really do believe that if I were to hold onto those emotions that I would pass them right onto my daughter. Plus the fact that when I did hold onto the bad stuff-I lost alot of years along the way. I can't get those years back. But I can build on today right here right now. I don't know how to comunicate these things to my sm. I can't believe she is still bringing them up! How do I make her stop? I do not want to shut her out of my life but dammit it has got to stop. I let it go years ago when my daughter was born and if I can do it why can't my sm and siblings?
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I don't think she is doing it
I don't think she is doing it to be vindictive. What brought this to the surface is what my baby brother is going thru right now. He is living with them and his wife just left him and took thier daughter with her(which is best for the baby right now)I guess my sm thinks my brothers possible failed marriage is due to my mom walking out all those years ago. And that is fine-she is totally entitled to her opinion but that does not give her the right to bring all this right now. She wants us all to think the way she does and I choose not to go back to those days like I have said I moved on. I have always listened to her feelings about my bm no matter how bad they are just so she can get it off her shoulders but I can't take the negative feelings anymore.
Oh...my dad just tries to
Oh...my dad just tries to stay out of it and I can't blame him. He feels the same way about my mom(when he talks to my sm that is) He knows his faults in the failed marriage with my mother. Regaurdless,he is my father and I love him.He is a wonderful Grandfather. He has tried to make up for what happened 20 years ago. If he ever chooses to tell my sm the truth that is on him. I see no need to do it and cause her any more pain. And the age difference is why her and I have always been more friends. I have never called her mom and she is fine with that. I never lived with them so we have just always been friends. Maybe that is why this is hurting me the way it is.
I have a similar problem,
I have a similar problem, except it's my BM who re-opens old wounds. She still holds a flame for my Dad though she will deny it. She can't let go of the past. I just wish she would move on, it's been 28 years and everyone else has moved on with life. Dad has been with my stepmom (who raised me and my sisters) since I was 3, and mom has been remarried a couple of times... I love her but I do not enjoy talking to her because it's all about religion or my Dad and stepmom.