Hoping
So I told my skids to make sure that thier stuff was packed last night so all they had to do was get off the bus today and grab thier stuff for their bm who will be picking them up after school. Usaully, she is here a couple minutes after they get off the bus. I told them they could get thier stuff and go right out and wait for her. I tell my husband this when he gets home and he gives me a funny look and says he feels bad that they have to wait out in the cold for her. For Christ sake they play out in the snow-they wait out in for the school bus! What the fuck!If they are inside when she gets here, she comes right into the house. Why the hell can't I get him to understand that there is no reason for her to come in our house? I am not comfortable with it!I am not going to allow myself to be put into the same situation I was put into a couple of weeks ago. It's just not gonna happen. So, I thought of just not being here when they got home(maybe goin down to my parents down the road or something)But once again I would be letting them chase me from my home. Is that fair to me or my bd? I just don't know anymore.
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Stand your ground. Do not be
Stand your ground. Do not be swayed. Your expectation that BM should NOT enter your home is reasonable.
Your DH should back you up with this! This is your home and sanctuary. Do not let the BM and/or Steps force you out of your home!
The kids wait longer at the bus stop for the bus than waiting for BM to pick up. If this is not acceptable to DH and BM, BM can pick them up from school directly }:) Or BM can pick up later like Spunki says.
Oh, I'm always home. I only
Oh, I'm always home. I only work part time and that is in the mornings. Just last week, I had this conversation with my husband and he always seem to agree with me until the time comes when he has to follow thru.So I usually just take my bd and go hide in my room until she decides it's time to leave. The funny thing is that my husband is not even home when she is here(most of the times)So even though she is here to pick them up she hangs out in my house and when she brings them back after spending all weekend with them she hangs out. I sometimes wonder if they do this intentionally like a little joke on me.
That was kinda my next
That was kinda my next thought-have her pick them up at school and take them to school Mon mornings. I might mention this to my husband today.
This.
This.
WOW Are you kidding me?
WOW :jawdrop:
Are you kidding me? The day BM hangs out in my house is the day they pick up her dead body in my living room!
First of all, GET A LOCK ON YOUR FRONT DOOR. Then use it. when the stepkids come in after school, have their bags ready and packed by the front door. When BM shows up and tries to enter. Door is locked. She cannot enter. YOU look out the window and sweetly say " I'm sending them out now." Don't get involved in any conversation.
You need to communicate with DH and ALL kids about how things will be handled going forward before you do this.
hahhahaha i love it! "the day
hahhahaha i love it! "the day BM hangs out in my house is the day they pick up her dead body in my living room!"
I had ONE incident with the crazy bitch putting her foot in our door when I was trying to close it. I almost had to call the cops. Luckily, my DH came up behind me and pushed it closed on her. It was during our 2 week un-interupted time (which she interrupted, to bring a TIN OF COOKIES!)
Serious crazy bitch.
This sounds like a BM with
This sounds like a BM with massive hairy balls. My advice to you... get out your hedge clippers. }:)
Seriously, this woman is trying to intimidate you and it's seems to be working. She is in YOUR home 'hanging out' and YOU are hiding?? You have to stop allowing her to push your around. Tell her that having her there, 'hanging out' makes you uncomfortable and that you'd prefer she go to her own place. If she's walking in to your home unannounced, make sure you are right there when she walks in and slowly back her a$$ out the door. You are in a situation where you must be assertive. This woman has decided to fu*k with you and you have to set the boundaries. This will only get worse until you stand up for yourself and your home.
No way would she enter my
No way would she enter my home. If she ever started walking up the walkway I would open the door and tell her they will meet you at the car. END OF STORY....
Z
I remember going through this
I remember going through this about a year ago (plus). BM would just waltz right in the house (before we moved) and walk in the bedroom, etc.
I did not like the fact that I had to even mention to DH that this was beyond crossing civil boundaries. He should have said something before I lost it on him. DH did it though. The first time he did this he opened the door and just blocked the doorway. The 2nd time, he came right out and told her to stay outside or get a cell annd call him and he would walk then SD4 outside to her car.
Fast Fwd: Now they only do exchanges at school or afterschool program. They never even see each other. (at HIS request.)
YAY for your DH!!!! These
YAY for your DH!!!! These guys need to step up to the plate and protect their wives and marriages! GO HIM!!
AHHHH! So glad that someone
AHHHH! So glad that someone else is living in this hellish experience! My husband (thank you Jesus) finally has told BM to stay out in the car until the kids are ready. This was only after I had nearly a mental breakdown...my dh unknowingly had contracted multiple STD's from BM's repeated infidelity. He didn't know- he had no symptoms- so...guess who innocently got them...me! I now face repeated procedures and biopsies, pain, and constant fear. I feel violated and dirty.
) when DH went up to prod sd to hurry, she makes the comment on how it would be the polite thing for us to let her hang out in the house while she finishes getting ready...It was all I could do to not come unglued and puke out the fact that I didn't want the disease giving skanky whore in my house...
Her violations were repeated texting for no good reason, calling, She would come into my house and want to "chat" with my hubby for stupid things that were not of importance, inching near to him in physical proximity as they talked- IN FRONT OF ME!! I so wanted to drag her out of the house by her hair and kick her scrawny little rear(sorry just being honest-God knows anyway) She even called on our honeymoon! I finally leveled with him and told him that I felt violated and unsafe every time she entered our home- she just has no right or reason for being there- ever. The skids are teenagers- they can communicate the exchanges and carry their own stuff out to the car. Thankfully, my husband is a grand protector of our marriage and me- he heard and has made many difficult boundaries- much to her dismay, causing my sd to inform me that her mom hates me because I "ruined the divorce"! Ha! She wanted a husband but just didn't want to be a wife!
Just this past Sunday my sd was not ready for her mom to pick her up. This happens every other week at the same time. Her mom came to the door and my DH told her to wait in the car ( she has had fits since we started this
Being a Christian woman- just had to bite my lip... until it almost bled!!
Hang in there sister! we can survive this!
I just don't know anymore. I
I just don't know anymore. I am so worked up, my stomach in turmoil just waiting to see what I am in store for. I realize that it is good for her and me to be able to speak to each other-this is important to the kids. But in trying to keep peace between everyone I have totally given up mine. I will admit I don't like her-not because she is my husbands ex but because she could not take care of them and had cys remove them from her custody. She can't even take care of herself. She shows up with these open sores all over her face and arms and her other kids are always a mess. She is lucky that my husband even lets her see my skids at all. Most of the times she shows up she has at least four other kids in tow and they come in too.Just don't know how much longer I can deal with this shit before I explode and I don't want that to happen in front of the kids!
OH, how my hurts for you, and
OH, how my hurts for you, and so completely understands...the question is- does your husband? Men are so different than we are. Most just don't get it. They don't see the manipulation, the mind games, games period, the unspoken threats that go on between women. So very important that you guys hear each other out. So important that he see the importance of protecting you and your marriage. You feel violated in your own home, causes us to feel like we can't really live in what is supposed to be our "safe zone" in this messed up world. Is there any possibility of sitting down together to talk calmly about what you both need in order to be comfortable and safe? I have found that DH is willing to listen better if I am not overtly emotional about things- almost somewhat detached- methodical. Like a list... this is NOT EASY!! Men are like waffles- they have cells, and no disrespect meant, but most are...well...relationally retarded. They NEED us to spell it out for them...clearly. Especially when it comes to women. They don't speak "woman" The best gift we can give is to be gently direct about what we desire and what we need!
Start out with just a couple of boundaries that would make you feel better about your marriage/situation, and be VERY clear about what you are looking for. for example: 1: schedule drop off/pick up times each exchange- same time- DH needs to be present for these- this way you can escape to your bedroom if you need to not even lay eyes on her. No need to drag all the past into it- he's aware of it, and this would only cause further issues.
This will be difficult, and I am not really sure how you could word this- I don't know what communication is like between you and your husband...I just finally, gently as I could, spelled it out to mine...He needed to step up to the plate and tell BM that she was not to come in our home for any reason- he never really came right out and said "you're not allowed"- just every exchange he shooed her back to the car- she is slowly getting it ...it is the equivalent of just walking into your neighbors house! That is preposterous unless you already have agreed that it was ok to do! I told DH that I felt unprotected by him not setting safe boundaries for our home. I politely asked him to do it- and he did. Are we problem less? No, but it sure beats the blood boil every week!
fellow SM hugz
Very good points! I think the
Very good points! I think the prob with me talking to my husband is that he works 12 hrs 6-7 days a week. By the time he gets home I am already heated and he is tired or in a bad mood from work shit. I try to talk calmly, he huffs and puffs and I go into defense mood. It usually all goes down hill from there. We don't really fight(ever) I'm the type that finds it easier to just walk away(came from abusive first marriage) and that will always be how I am.
How about communicating with
How about communicating with H by email during the day? Do the both of you have access to email during the day?
My H and I do this due to my odd work shift. I email him and he responds later when he gets into the office. This way I get my answer before I come home.
O.M.G. No way in hell would I
O.M.G. No way in hell would I allow this to happen in my home. I'd call the police! Stand your ground, girl! Tell that psycho she is NOT welcome in your home.