Great hearing from you again, and glad you kept up the disengagement......

I hope SD learns how relationships work and finds a husband like you one day that loves and respect her....

but I know for a fact, even if my SD is 40 she will never except me, and I'm fine with that....

Fellow step-dad here. Well, ex-step-dad.

Your story is similar to my own. After many years of beating my head against the wall, I accepted the old aphorism that "blood is thicker than water" as being absolutely true. My ex-SD was entitled, defiant, etc. She was never going to get better. She worshipped her "perfect" bio-daddy, and couldn't give two shits about me.

Although we got divorced, I am still with her mom, and one of the conditions of this arrangements is no interactions with her kids. My partner is free to do whatever she wants with her kids, but I am not a party to it. From my understanding, my ex-SD has more or less launched, but is still the same insufferable, arrogant brat that she was growing up.

Sadly, for most people, "bonus" kids and the "Brady Bunch Happy Family" are fantasies. You can make your way in step-life, but it will always be hard, and will never be as rewarding as a "real" nuclear family. Everyone has choices in life (although we don't all have the options we might like), and you have to decide for yourself what choice will yield the greatest overall benefit.

I think if you look up the words "spoiled and entitled" you will find a picture of a teen girl...lol.

Maybe not every one, but I definitely had at least one that felt that she was owed a "better life" than she had been handed. Fortunately, my DH was never big on material stuff so he didn't feed the beast so she expected it less from us. Not that she didn't sometimes give the side eye about things but she just was a more materialistic person than we are.

In the end, hopefully, she will appreciate the fact that she grew up in a household that had good harmony.

Disengagement is fine. Kids don't necessarily need a 2nd set of parents and as long as it's not hostility or bad behavior, living like two ships in the night isn't a bad thing.

Glad it's working out for you.

Greetings Jasd. I reread your post from a year ago, and I noticed that I had commented. Stating that I was really hating Winona SDnow18. Last night, SO stated that it kills him that I hate Winona. I replied back that I really did not hate her, and that it was more ANGER, and that I have largely disengaged.

Lat night also, when talking things over with Munchkin SD11.5, I told her that Winona was in a bad place back when she was being her mean, selfish, vile self, and that we have to understand that she was going through a tough time. We had been talking about puberty, and she is convinced that she will be an easier teenager than her sister. I just told her, well we have to understand that she might have an illness inside (Like Toxic BM, but I did not say this), and that she was going through a separation while she was also going through puberty, and the divorce really hit her hard (like her momma! I was thinking but did not state this).

So, like you, I too have come a long way from a year ago. Winona had a big fight lat year with her mother, while trying to record TBM being a drunk a$$. Winona got choked and thrown against a wall, and since then, she's mellowed out. She also started junior college last summer, and then got a job at Dennys a few towns over. She doesn't drive, that I know of, and she's living somewhere else, probably closer to her work, but she won't tell us where. And I am really ok with that.

She still has the key to the house, and popped in at Christmas to briefly say "Merry Christmas", and then half hour later popped back out. Since then, a few days after new years, Munchkin and I cleaned out her old room, hauling out 6 bags of her trash. Makeup, lots of old used makeup, clothes, product packages, old candy, a vibrator, used pads, an empty bottle of Jack Daniels (this from a person who used to brag about being a virgin because sex was gross, and drinking and smoking pot were also disgusting shameful things.). SO did take out the old bd set and vanity. I sold a dresser. There are still 6 bags of clothes in the closet.

I cleaned and cleared Winona out of our home. There are plants and candles, a fish tank with small baby koi, and goldfish, a beautiful writing desk facing the window, a leather chair and an apple computer. I share the space with Munchkin and sometimes she will draw and play music, and sometimes I will write and read. Its a community space, that I am making into an office, and its really lovely here in my home now.

I too disengaged from Winona, and everything was SO MUCH BETTER. Better between her and I because I did not parent her, and was not concerned for her in the least. I did not argue, simply asked her on repeat "please clean your things from the bathroom", until it was done. "Please wash your dishes" a few times until it was done. Her father was solely responsible for cleaning her room, or asking her to do it, solely responsible for driving her around, etc. When he took the door off, and we had to see her filth, and smell her, it was so gross, I begged him to put it back on.

She graduated high school last year, I attended to support SO. And has moved on. We exchange pleasantries and catch-ups, when we see each other.
Disengagement is a blessing.