Maybe she doesn't have anything against you personally. Maybe it's because you happen to be married to her brother? A little jealousy maybe? Not to say it's twisted or anything, but my ex-inlaws were like that. It didn't matter who it could have been, no one was good enough to marry into the family. And now because you are married to big brother, she is using ex-wife to make you miserable.

Short answer--begins with J and ends with S...inappropriate, pathetic and sick, yes. Is she a control freak/narcissist?

My SIL was our friend--before we got married. She told DH to divorce BM. She was DH's shoulder while going through the demise of his marriage. I think DH was her surrogate "son" -- hers had recently left the nest and she has no H. She's been divorced almost twenty years. No SO, only occasional BFs.

As soon as we tied the knot (private wedding so as to minimize drama), the BM was her best friend. And DH and I were her enemies. She slandered us to friends, family, etc. She called BM to see if she was "hurt" that we got married when we did. DH's friends called, concerned for him due to what she said. MIL wanted to have a party for us but that got cancelled due to the fight. Another SIL did not greet me when she saw me a week after the wedding. She never did acknowledge our marriage. At Christmas, 2 SILS ignored me. Not the welcome to the family I had hoped for!

When I finally confronted her after her continued bashing and interference, she verbally abused me and basically told me that she is more important to my skids than me and that she'll be around "long after you are gone."

Our analysis: she is a control freak and has to have center stage and ownership of the family. She told DH that HIS grandson "looks just like me." And she gave MIL a picture of herself with the baby. (not the baby's immediate family, no the great aunt). That was too funny.

That woman made our lives hell for a while and soured life-long relationships for DH but she did not succeed in breaking us up. We moved 1000 miles away, not because of her but for many reasons, and I am so glad to be away from it.

My advice: discuss with DH. Set boundaries. Have him confront her with her unacceptable behavior. We left Christmas when they acted up. DH stood up for me when I got attacked. It is vital to be a united front. "You are my wife" he said. "I don't need them."
He cut them off and they smartened up quite fast. He had been the caretaker one, they didn't want him to shift his focus so fought all the way. You see, BM isn't the strong, assertive dare I say intelligent person I am.
Learn about emotional blackmail, narcissism and bullying. You are not over-reacting, if you feel it in your gut it is happening.

Go top every family gathering with a big smile on your face. Every time SIL pulls her idiot crap be very boisterous in you comments about how she obviously has forgotten how the XW/BM abandoned her family to party and has not and is still not supporting her kids.

Stick with the facts. The facts should drive her crazy. Make sure you keep you happiness front, center and in her face right along with a steady flow of the facts to counter her crap.

My I-Ls are great people but are extremely high drama and cannot make a good financial decision if you write the answer on a 2X4 and beat them over the head with it. When things go bad they all sit around lamenting how they got screwed by "the man" and how it is not fair that they work so hard and bad things always happen to them. When Rags says bad things come from bad decisions I get labeled the asshole S-I-L and everyone treats me like the stupid non farmer city boy who don't know shit from shinola. Meanwhile my family is prospering and thriving. Hmmmmmmmm! Maybe I should upgrade from a 2X4 to a 4X4.

The best example I have of this is when my F-I-L informed us that he was taking out a 100% equity loan on the small farm (7yrs away from being paid off) to buy another farm 4hrs away in order to grow hay. After several annual family meetings about the state of the family Ag business my I-Ls told us that combined that the two farms were worth millions and would be sold and divided among my wife and her sibs when my I-Ls passed. I started asking questions about what was owed on the farms and the financial performance of the farms as functioning businesses. My F-I-L informed me that he had had to take out second and third mortgages on both farms because they had never made any money but that the farms were worth a mint.

I ran some quick numbers in my head and commented that as far as I could tell the farms were worthless because more was owed on them than what they could be sold for on the open market and that I recommended that he walk away from them ASAP. He informed me that I knew nothing about the AG business.

He was absolutely right , I don't know crap about farming, but I responded that I have an MBA and it is my understanding that any business exists to make money for it's owners. If the business is not making money then it is time to try something different.

In the intervening years the big farm was foreclosed and the small farm is under foreclosure as we speak. Everyone stands around with the stunned look on their face wondering why the house of cards is crashing down around their ears. My Wife (also an MBA ... and a CPA ) has agreed with everything I have said and counseled over the years but won't speak up confidently with her inputs and thoughts and use the words "that is a really bad idea".

I refer to the as the ostrich syndrome and the Emperors New Clothes syndrome. The bury their heads in the sand and when things get hairy and when someone is in the process of making a really crappy decisions they all gather around and comment about how great it is even when the decision is obviously really bad. Kind of the like the Naked Emperor from the fairy tail walking around while everyone comments on how beautiful his clothes are.

With me in the mix no-one can ignore the fact that they did not know the decision was bad. I keep reality and the facts front and center. They can, and do, choose to ignore the facts but they cannot play the "poor me" card.

So, as I said earlier, I would attend and very actively and noticeably participate in all of the family gatherings and when the S-I-L pulls her crap say "Now S-I-L, you know that is not true. You know full well that the XW/BM is a drunk who abandoned your brother and your Nieces/Nephews to party. Why would you think or say otherwise?????"

Just my thoughts of course.

Best regards,