Simply: you don’t. They are their parents’s problem, let them deal with them.

humm no, you have nothing to do with visitation, skids comes over to visit their Bio parent and it's not you, thus if DH is not there his kids can stay with their mother.

skids taking advantage of you, that's totally on you and you can stop this, simply say NO... you owe them nothing Hon

I'm not at that stage as ss is young, but I regularly take care of SS alone because dad is unavailable.

Not unavailable for a weekend or anything, but occasionally he has to work a little later, or he'll have to work on a Saturday morning... so I'm it for a few hours.

ss listens to me a hell of a lot better than he listens to dh... because 1) I interact with him - I do't just make him play with toys or watch cartoons. I involve him. I make him measure out and dump flour when I'm making bread etc... I mean I do that anyway if he wants to, but I don't make him stay with me when dad is around, he goes back and forth and whatever. DH is always so wierded out that ss is pooped after an hour or two with me, he thinks I make him run up and down the hill at the back of our yard until he's ready to pass out... lol

BUT - MY kids are teens... and dh is alone with them now and then, not very much... but if I have something to do... he's not really "in charge" of them because they look after themselves, but he has full authority over them should he need it, and they have been drilled that he has that authority. It's not an issue for us... because as the parent, I have made SURE that my kids are never big enough a$$holes to try and take advantage of DH.

How do you Stepparents out there manage having/dealing with the teenage step kids when your spouse is out of town?
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I don't and never did. SS was not there to see me.

Is BM dead?

I never would have agreed to have my SD over if DH was out of town. She was not my responsibility. Neither would my DH have just assumed it would be okay, he would have told BM it was not possible for SD to come over during that time.

Where is there primary residence? With you or with their mother?

If primary residence is with the mother they stay there. There is no Dad to visit. Visitation is to visit with their Dad, not annoy stepmom or provide free baby sitting for bio mother.

If they live with you or the primary residence is with you then I would read them the riot act. I am in charge and this is how things are going to be. I would not bother my husband with the kid's antics while he is away. (What must he do? It disempowers you by deferring to him when he is not home.) If you are forced to be saddled with the kids, makes sure you run things the way you need. The kids DO NOT take advantage of you - you LET them take advantage. It you set boundaries and enforce discipline and consequences, they wont get to take advantage.