I love my husband dearly but sometime I wonder if happiness is ever possible with his other children around. He has two children from a previous marriage. He has joint shared custody with nobody being the primary custodian. They are supposed to share equal responisbility. We have the kids just as much as she does and he still ahs to pay her child support when her household makes more money than ours.Then we have two children together. It is blatantly obvious that he will always hold a special place in his heart for his children from his previous marriage. It is like magical. He even is different with them with discipline. Where he never disiplines them and now he over disciplines our 2 and 5 year old for acting their age. or acting like thier older half siblings. And not to sound like the wicked step mother, I don't get it. If anyone deseres the disciplinbe its the older children. They are lazy, rude, have the worst manners in the world, walk all over my husband like a door mat and have never treated me with respect. my step son blames me for all that is wrong in the world. (when if there is anyone to blame for his "horrible" life it is his mother whom cheated on my husband, got pregnant by the other man but tried to pass the child off as my husband, had she kept her legs together, my husbadn would still be with the witch, i would not be in the picture and my children would not exist, and my step kids would have thier mom and dad still hapiiply unhappily married ever after but no it is my fault for ,marrying their father after all this went down) my step daughter has been brainwashed to be afraid of me or afraid to get close to me because of fear of upsetting her biological mother. So to sum it up we are not by any means a close family. And it sucks and I do not want it to rub off on to my 5 year old and 2 year old children. I want them to have a happy child hood, close, loving family, good role models, etc..but I do not know how to get it. I try to "fake it until we make it" but it doesn't go well I spend so much time biting my toungue and trying to keep my feelings in but I can't live like that, then I blow up. Sometiems saying things to and about my step chilrdren that I shouldn't and regret later. But the bottome line is my step kids and I swear sometimes my husbands ex wifes feelings will always matter before mine. That's one thing to live with but then to see to spill over into my kids, where my husband favors his other children over our kids really bites. And I do not knwo how to deal with it anymore. I am so tired of being forced to do stuff for my step kids. You can't force love. I used to love them, but after so many years of being told I was not their paretn and had no say in thier lives, I gave up. I can not love them the way they are and that makes me feel like a horrible person. I don't have the unconditional love for them because I did not give birth to them and I am shut out of thier lives. I am not repsected as a parent until the need a ride or something that my husband or their mother or their mother's second husband can not provide and it is BS. On top of it my husband and I are facing major financial stress. He can't afford to give me money for utilites, groceries, credit card bills, anythign for our two children, he doesn't surpise me with nice gestures like flowers anymore because "he can't afford it" his paycheck after the child support is taken out, health insurance that he is required by court to maintian, and taxes is barely enough to make our housepayment and pay for car insurance so I pay for everything else. Did I mention I make minimum wage and have been cut back to part-time and can't get a better paying job because I can't afford day care and my husband refuses to pay for it. When I've told him I didn't have enough he told me to figure it out because he didn't have it - yet miracuolously when my step kids need something or the ex wife asks for money to pay for something he comes up with it...my husband could have had better paying jobs but would never take them because it was secodn shift and he wouldn't see his precious children from his previous marriage. But I am expected to give up seeing my kids to work whatever shift I can get that does not involve us paying for day care. I'm tired of not feling like a team. my own children are being affected and it breaks my heart but I love my husabdan and do not want to leave him...that would be even worse for our kids sharing custody...So I am hoping for a place to vent, some friendly advice and a voice of reason because I am being told that I am the unreasonlabe one!