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Is this typical of SKs or just kids in general?

ICanMakeIt's picture

Submitted by ICanMakeIt on Tue, 06/29/2021 - 3:07pm

My SKs seem to have the memory of a particulary forgetful squirrel. 

I find myself compensating by making remarks about our past fun activities because they never seem to remember the fun they have with Dear Old Dad.

I have been tempted to make a Shutterfly book for each of them for each Summer/Year they are here with us.

 

Comments

Onanisland's picture

Submitted by Onanisland on Tue, 06/29/2021 - 3:53pm

I think my skids have got used to kind of wiping the slate blank when they leave our house. Every time they come back it's like they've never lived here before - and we have them 3/4 days a week! Next school year we're going to switch to have them every other week for a full week to see if it helps them (and by extension me!) feel more settled and to be better about having 'ordinary' days (when they come and go every few days there is an expectation that each day will be somehow special, fun, unusual and that doing chores or having downtime would be a waste of precious moments, which is exhausting.)

I do make an annual photobook for their dad and I'd say 75% of their memories of being with us are in it so that might be a good idea! 

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Tue, 06/29/2021 - 4:51pm

Honestly,  I think a lot of people have selective memories depending upon the audience and circumstances.

Kids say "we never do anything fun".  "you never let me do anything" "I never get what I want"  

Adults can do it too... 

 

ExhaustedByItAll's picture

Submitted by ExhaustedByItAll on Tue, 06/29/2021 - 5:47pm

Memories can easily be rewritten for skids when they go back to the other house, particularly in high conflict situations. Photos help a lot.

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Wed, 06/30/2021 - 12:35am

I feel like my SD's memory is not that great either. I put it down to a combination of being used to changing houses frequently and not talking about the other house (at least at ours she does not talk about BM) so there is no need to remember what happened and so things get forgotten or muddled up. That and I have wondered if traumatic events affect memory in general. My SD has been through a lot of traumatic things in her life.

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Wed, 06/30/2021 - 6:48am

I make those albums for SS after each visit. They stay at our house right now, but when he moves out of BM's I am shipping them all to him. 

We were in court once a few years ago and SS said he didn't want to come to our state to see his dad and that he didn't like it at our house. Our lawyer asked why and he said he wasn't happy and didn't have fun. 

Our lawyer started showing him some pictures from previous visits and he smiled on the stand just seeing them. The lawyer would ask what we were doing, he would describe it. Then "did you enjoy that", "well yes" SS would say. 

It just really struck me. He didn't remember. BM had him so brainwashed that going to our house was bad, not fun, he was forced, it is horrible- that he didn't even remember what we did together.