Done it, been there through thick and then, and have only had my heart ❤️ broken over & over again.
:jawdrop: I had several miscarriages, after marrying my husband who has a daughter from a previous marriage. They split up , when sd was 3. I met him and fell in love with him, when she was 7 and then married when she was 9. I went into the marriage with nothing, but good intentions. I did everything I could for the sd without stepping on her bm toes. Now 34 years later I still have my heart broken on a regular basis, when BM or SD is around, or see posts on Facebook.
It's really sick, and I feel sorry for them, that they are capable of treating someone like they have treated me. I have learned to forgive them, and to stay away from the as much as possible, because I didn't cause their problems. & I can't cure it. God knows what I have in my heart, even if they treat me as if I don't have one. I have to take care of my health. I did the best I could, and it was totally not worth it. I would not recommend being a step parent.
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Itriedmybest, you are
Itriedmybest, you are certainly not alone here and you have come to the right place to find support and evaluate your current position. You cannot blame yourself for somebody else's actions, especially SD's, as 80% of SD's dislike their stepmothers, indicated by current studies. That statistic alone is staggering. You only had a 1/5 chance walking in the door, even as SM of the year!
Most of us tried our best and what we did was a total waste of emotion and resources; there was nothing we could have ever done to make it work and it was never "US" to begin with. The hard part is acceptance that it will never work with a husband who cannot control his kids and would rather be a friend than a father or a husband.
Many of us have men like this in our lives who are otherwise wonderful, loving husbands; but fail us miserably as husbands only in this area. We learned to protect ourselves and we stopped counting on hope in a hopeless situation.
You had a 20% chance of making it with your SD, (and doormat husbands are to blame), sad--but true!
Thank you for your
Thank you for your information, and understanding. I recently have been listening to a book on Audible called Women who Love too Much
Hang in there and please
Hang in there and please block them from Facebook. You should not have to feel sad every time u see things in social media. Wish I were there with you to give you a giant hug. ❤️❤️❤️
The only reason I keep my sd
The only reason I keep my sd on FB is so I can see the pics and comments on the 4 grandchildren, we see maybe twice a year.The BM took herself off fb, and I blocked her from my phone.
Thanks
Thanks
I am now 70 so I am even
I am now 70 so I am even older than you are. My thoughts on enjoying later life - remove all aholes from your life - DNA be damned. Do not interact with people who cause you pain - EVER. To steal a quote "When someone shows you who they are - believe them".
BM and SD should be DEAD TO YOU. They should have ZERO impact on your life. You should not see, talk, text or otherwise acknowledge that they exist. Tell your DH to STFU if he tries to bring them into a conversation or your life.
Forget the mistakes of the past. You tried - it was a mistake. You can only choose what you do now - you cannot change the past.
I do not have children. My DH has one son (30) who is worthless. He is not part of my life nor is his child or his GF. DH and I travel and have a great life. DH is free to see his son but I just do not consider him part of my life at all. It's okay.
I wonder if I will make it to
I wonder if I will make it to 70. Congratulations! My mother will be 88 in January. I wonder what the relationship will be like if my husband dies, before me. I know the sd is very interested, if we have any money, which the jokes on her, because we don't.
My SS30 thinks I am rich.
My SS30 thinks I am rich. Only because he was penniless, sleeping on the floor at Section 8 drug dens with his previous skank druggie GF. From his perspective I was rich.
I grew up in poverty. I remember thinking that a friend was "well off" (although not necessarily rich) because her dad had a job as a bus driver. No where close to being rich -more like lower middle class - but to me where my family most of the time had NO income that was a step up. It's all relative.
I am comfortably retired - mostly because I drive a 10+ year old car and have no debt. I shop sales at the grocery store and don't spend a lot of money trying to keep up with others.
SS's current GF has a house, car, and a job where she makes $50,000+. He waits tables part time. Their house payment is only about $500 - but they spend money like water and have nothing. He's going to be SO disappointed when I die and he gets NOTHING.
I can sympathise with you. I
I can sympathise with you. I have three SC and in the beginning everything was fine. Over these last few years it just went downhill where now it is rock bottom. I tried everything to please them but to no avail. So now they are dead to me. After I decided that they will be dead to me my life is now without too much trouble. They still have a couple of attempts to piss me off but I just laugh and walk away thinking to myself "What a bunch of f*****rs. They will intensify the attack when they see that you are not responding but after some time they will get the message.
I agree not to take the bait
I agree not to take the bait is best. After my sad second wedding her bm texted me drunk. I showed my husband, and that is, when I blocked her from my phone. I saw her after that at my school daughter's birthday party, where she was the bm was the only one drinking for god sakes. It was a 2 year old's birthday party! She didn't apologize, and didn't say anything, so I guess that's the way it's gonna be now, after 34 years. It's such a sad example to set for the grand Kid's.
I hope you can find a way to
I hope you can find a way to let SD go. You know nothing is going to change, and you are the only one hurting. You've been grieving this for a very long time. If you can't get past it, you might consider counseling to see why you are holding on to something that is so painful.
Keep them out of your life completely -- tell your DH that you prefer he not even discuss them with you.
You did your best. Your efforts weren't welcome. Move forward into a brighter future.
Thanks
Thanks
Thank you so much! I believe
Thank you so much! I believe you are right.