I've never been in this situation, but it screams chaos and dysfunction. Reading your other posts, I can't see much of a reason for you to stay. Save yourself and leave at the earliest opportunity, and definitely before the baby is born. 

Do you work?  Can you afford to separate?  If you stay, you'll be taking care of 2 kids, not 1 -SD and baby.   I dont think this situation will improve.  Good luck.

Towards sd and her planned pregnancy when she had no job and means to support herself. She can go after the bio dad for child support. You will not be a free nanny/maid etc for the sd and her baby, you will not be an atm. If sd as a 16 yr old chose to get pregnant, she is saying she's an adult and no longer a minor and capable of raising this baby.

i've wondered if any of my sd's got preggers and hubby wanted to financially support them while making excuses why we can't have another baby, i'd be out the door. Our money goes towards retirement, not skids poor choices

Love is not enough to ruin your health over. You've told your husband about your difficulties and concerns and he does absolutely nothing about them. If I were you, I'd be looking for a nice, peaceful place for me to live. If you don't, you'll find yourself turning into the babysitter, day and night, whenever SD wants you to and your husband is going to expect you to do so. Get out now, before the baby arrives and you discover the next circle of Hell.

LEAVE! Save yourself. Please.

You know your husband is going to support her financially, no matter what you want, right? And is going to want you to babysit the child or even take it in when SD realizes how hard it is to parent and wants his help? I would not stick around for the shitshow that's coming. 

Love can only take us so far on our life road. It sounds like the only one in your vehicle is you and your husband is steering in a different direction. This pattern will not end. How much can you tolerate, will you consider getting counselling for you and you alone to help you figure out what is best for you? that's my suggestion. that and seperate finances so that you are not seeing your hard earned money flushed down the toilet. 

You will end up taking care of this baby. That plus dealing with untold drama and chaos. I can't imagine how bad it would suck to deal with a dysfunctional SD and a husband who won't set limits (the drama, the never knowing when she's coming, the BM drama) PLUS her baby! That would be my hill to die on. In your last post you said how the situation with your husband and SD is so toxic your health is failing. Now add a fking baby, right after you've had a miscarriage. Run.

So, my money is on daddy takes care of her problems so she runs out and has a second one right away. Please save yourself 

I have no words of wisdow to give you, just a hug from an internet stranger.

{{{{{HUG}}}}}

Take care of you first. 

(((HUGS))) from me to you also.

OMG I can NOT begin to imangin how you feel. 

You have a lot to process. 

Our HCBM did this to DH at 19. She and DH dated on and off for two years in late high school/early college, with the longest continuous duration being about a year. Early on in the relationship, BM was trying different manipulative tactics to gain attention - cutting, running away from home, alcohol and drug use, etc. She was involuntarily hospitalized twice and the professionals said that BM knew exactly what she was doing and had no intent of actually hurting herself; she just wanted a reaction and attention from people. So, when people stopped giving her the reaction and attention, she changed her tactics. BM broke up with DH, wanting him to chase her and get her back. He ultimately did and BM got off birth control without telling DH and tampered with the condoms. After a few months, BM ended up pregnant to DH's shock and BM dumped DH. BM told DH that she was in a bad place and needed the unconditional love of a baby and that she has planned the pregnancy. It was clear she only used DH to get pregnant, but had no intention of staying with him. And yes, the ripple effect of BM's poor decision landed on her parents caring for SS every single day because BM refused to allow DH to have SS but BM also didn't want to give up her life to raise SS. BM then played more games, like telling DH she wad putting SS up for adoption while she was pregnant, then pulling out at the last minute, and later telling DH that SS had cancer when SS was a baby (which was a lie). BM definitely has mental health issues and she has been trying to use SS as a weapon for the last 9 years. 

DH and I have been in and out of court, fighting BM for years. The judge has sided with BM regardless of what evidence we present. We do the best we can for SS, but we have strong boundaries in place with BM to prevent her abuse and manipulation. BM has now moved on with a woman and is playing the same games with her but GF is too blind to see. Luckily, we are able to remove ourselves to an extent from BM's crazy; any continued bad decisions BM makes are hers to figure out. With SD, you aren't as lucky. If your DH is going to continue to enable SD, you won't be able to stop it. You and DH will end up raising that child while SD continues to find new and improved ways to torpedo her life. SD will continue to expect support with all of her terrible decisions and DH will continue to pick up the pieces. 

I think there's a reason you haven't been able to conceive with your H. The universe is trying to guide you in a healthier direction, away from this crappy dad and his dysfunction.

Be brave and save yourself. Happiness and fulfillment can be yours, but not with this man.

You need clarity to stay in this relationship. Your DH needs to come clean with what HE plans to do, both financially and helping out with the child. Note that I said HE...not YOU. If your DH can clearly outline his plans, then you can outline yours. No financial help from you and no babysitting. 

While we don't have your situation,I have something similar that might help.  I am completely disengaged from DHs kids and the last straw was grandkids, of which the first one was clear, I had no role in his child's life. I've accepted that and accepted my place with all of DH's grandkids...soon to b 4. While DH can have his grands over anytime he wants, they are HIS and HIS alone to deal with. If I am even home, I won't be doing anything but smiling and being nice. The work is on him. I'm not changing diapers, playing, feeding, cleaning, etc. 

If your DH can't give you clarity (which will allow you to then give your own mindset), then I'd say to separate for the time being. Remember, your health, both physical and mental, are what's important here. Best to you.

I went back and read your previous blogs. This is a situation with lots of layers (none of them good). Please consider getting some therapy/counseling for yourself. You need some help to see this situation for what it is (toxic to you) and find a way to extricate yourself.

You know its going to go downhill from here.

Leave hun. Say buh bye to dysfunction. You will go insane watching DH cater and absolve SD of any accountability. You will be raising this baby. YOU DONT NEED THAT.

Blessings to a peaceful future. You can reach that, I know you can.

Minus the willful pregnancy and mental illness.

My DW had SS when she was 16. The serial statutory (though never convicted) rapist was 23.

My ILs helped but.. .held her accountable for supporting and raising SS and finishing HS with her class. They bought a small travel trailer and set it next to their home so DW had a place to live with the baby.  They did not want the teen mom and baby to overwhelm their three younger kids.  The SpermIdiot lived there as well until my DW booted his ass out for cheating on her repeatedly.  My one bone of contention with my ILs is that they did not put his ass in prison for knocking up an underage girl. Though my FIL did redeem himself somewhat by putting a rifle round next to the SpermIdiot's feet each time he set foot on their farm after DW booted his ass.  Dipshit had to wait across the road for DW to walk out to either hand over or collect SS from the dumbass.

Anyway, my DW is exceptional in that she refused the efforts made by the school district to get her to drop our and go to Pregnant Girl GED classes. She remained in HS, graduated on time with her class and with honors.  She then moved out of State with DD (then just turned 1yo) to a University with an accelerated BS program in Accounting.  That is where we met.

She went on to a dual major BS with honors, an MBA with honors, and a successful lucrative career as a CPA.

It is not a foregone conclusion that single teen mom's will fail at life.  Though the odds that they will fail are definitely in their favor.

If I were you and your DH, I would get the authorities involved, if the SpermDonor is not a minor I would put his ass in prison, the baby needs to go to a quality adoptive family, and the mentally ill SD needs to be forced into therapy.  She can go forth unfettered when she turns 18.

IMHO of course.