Is this normal and should I be annoyed?
My cousin who is visiting from out of state knows about the baby. SD does not. She has been hanging out with SD and asking her "what if" questions about being a big sister again (BM has a son) and SD says she knows we have been planning it. She said she'd be fine if we had a girl and she would be able to "boss her around". Wth? I am a big sister by 11 years and never once in my mind did I think I could "boss" my baby sister around...? This really annoyed me and I told my cousin that SD will ABSOLUTELY NOT boss any child of mine around. What is it with "first born" skids and half siblings?
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Bleh.
I don't know, but agree. My formerSS13 thought he was going to be able to do the same, and was very vocal about it. I promptly corrected him and his grandmother tried saying, oh just let him be a big brother. Um, he will NOT boss my child; ever! He is not an adult and even if he was 18 or over he is still not the person in charge.
Thank you! This just really
Thank you! This just really annoyed me and I think it was very bratty to say it. I am just not like that so I can't even fathom those words coming out of my mouth. Ever. I know she is the "golden child" at BM's home because she is first born, but I'll be damned if she or DH tries to set that precedent when baby comes.
I think you need to remember
I think you need to remember that this girl is, what, 11? That is a completely normal thing to say, whether it be about a half sibling or full.
If she actually starts doing it, address it, but I wouldn't stress over it, now.
You're right but why say that
You're right but why say that? I know she isn't my kid but I'd be very embarrassed if my child thought that was ok to say about another human being, joking or not. Why would she have the right to boss anyone around? I'm sure this is something we have to look forward to if she is so open to vocalize it so I am mentally preparing myself.
You're right but why say that
You're right but why say that?
Because as she said... it's completely normal for a kid to say it. Also, the girl was in all likelihood probably just kidding anyway.
I honestly think your cousin had no business mining for information from her.. if the girl is smart at all... she is going to know why the questions are being asked. You want BM in on all this too because this isn't a secret the girl can keep.
I don't think this is "normal
I don't think this is "normal" for a kid to say, not in the slightest, but for SD's sake, I sure hope she was kidding. However, knowing SD, she very well meant what she said.
I don't care if BM knows but I know that BM told SD to not tell us about her pregnancy but that's fine because it's not our business anyway.
Is it normal? I don’t know. I
Is it normal? I don’t know. I guess it just depends on the child’s attitude and personality? At that age, I didn’t thrive or look forward to bossing anyone younger than me around.
I wouldn’t stress over it just yet. At least now you know what to expect out of her and can be super vigilant to nip it in the bud as soon as it arises.
She sounds like a brat. Plain and simple.
"At that age, I didn’t thrive
"At that age, I didn’t thrive or look forward to bossing anyone younger than me around."
Exactly! Why would a kid even think this way? I am glad that this was brought to my attention so that I can now worry about how she will treat my kid instead of just having a happy family. I agree that this comment especially makes her sound like a brat.
Isn't your visiting cousin
Isn't your visiting cousin sixteen? I wouldn't get overly excited (good or bad) about what a twelve year old kid is boasting about with her sixteen year old buddy.
It's not like the kid is running around telling Dad or you how when the baby comes (yeah, I know she doesn't know yet) about how when you get pregnant she'll have a new servant to boss around and bully into doing her bidding.
Right now, she's a kid trying to act 'cool' for her older teen friend.
Of course if mouth turns into reality when baby arrives, you'll squash her like a bug. No mother is going to stand by and let some older kid (regardless of relationship) to boss around, be mean to, rough house and/or bully their baby (or toddler or eight year old et).
What are you fearing today? Having images of SD sitting on the sofa eating bon-bons with tv remote in her hand barking out orders for her 2yr old sister to run the sweeper, mop the floor, and oh, when done zap me some mac n cheese for lunch. And if little sister whines, Sd threatens to push her down and sit on her until she stops whining.
Sorry, but you need to relax some. You'll be a capable mother and you won't let SD be nasty to her sister/brother. The sign of SD actually doing mean things and you will just boot her out and back to BM until she ages out.
The other thing is, some kids are not too keen on the idea of a new sibling until the baby arrives (or baby gets over the screaming, poop, eat, barf stage).
You'll handle it. Chill.
Thank you I am just trying to
Thank you I am just trying to mentally prepare myself for this because I very much believe that this can become reality. SD has always been told by BM that she is her "number one" and SD eats that crap up. I can't imagine telling my eldest child that they are #1. What does that make the younger kid? Chopped liver? I know DH won't rank his kids but I just know that it will not be pretty in my home when/ if SD thinks she has authority over my child.
Chock your feet because it's
Chock your feet because it's gonna happen. I was an older child.. and only by 1.5 years.. I still think my parents have the "report card" of my younger brother that I wrote when I was probably about her age at how "bad" he was and how I had to report his behavior since they left me .. THE OLDER child in charge.
It's not unusal for older siblings to boss their younger ones around. I know my OSD used to try to be the authority on things for her younger daughter.. never mind that the girl didn't really ever give her younger sister accurate information..lol. YSD also worshipped her older sister and wanted to be around always which led to the older girl bossing her to get her to bug off... which is ok.. it happens in bio families and blended families... kids will be kids.
This is what I fear- my child
This is what I fear- our child looking up to SD and only wanting to love and be like her (which I don't want) and SD taking advantage of a little kid's feelings by trying to play boss. I just can't get on board with that, "normal" or not. I don't think I'll ever leave SD to babysit our child for the sole purpose of SD being "in charge". I don't think she'd ever want to anyway.
Remember that she is talking
Remember that she is talking to a peer. Her language is probably being more flippant than what her behavior actually will be. Until she starts behaving inappropriately, let it go.
I surely hope so. Thank you.
I surely hope so. Thank you.
My older sister (by four
My older sister (by four years) was ALWAYS bossing me and my younger sister around. My younger sister never really went along with it, I'm more go with the flow and honestly have always sort of been the mediator for the two of them. They both have very pushy personalities. I think it is normal for older kids to feel like they have some "authority" over younger siblings. When are you planning to tell her about the baby? I'm just thinking that once she knows about the baby and you and DH can talk to her about it, you guys can set the tone for the relationship. BM told SS from the beginning that she would need his help to take care of his little brother and as a result he has always been more of a protector to him than a bully.
I agree with others that this
I agree with others that this is normal. My SD12 tries to boss around DD7. Yes, it annoys me sometimes. But the funny thing is that my DD7 rules the roost. She is definitely the bossy one and both SD12 and DS12 usually fall in line with her. There is no real way to know what type of relationship the kids will have. Just wait and see. You can nip any behaviors as they crop up. The only thing you dont want to do is make SD feel like a second class citizen. If you do that, she may regress in behavior or take it out on your DC. I wouldnt stress too much about this, as you have no idea how SD will really behave until your kid is born.