I found this site today. I was desperately searching for some support in my step parenting situation and maybe a little insight or advice. So I'm going to try unloading on this page, for therapeutic relief. If you read this and I seem to be rambling on, I'm very sorry. I'm just trying to help myself feel better.

I've been with my husband now for 9 years. He is a wonderful man however, I'm finding that the things that I loved about him so much in the beginning are some of the reasons I have problems with his kids. The main issue is he is VERY non-confrontational, so he stands up to no one and if he tries he fails miserably.

Here is my story:

My husband was married to his ex for 9 years but also dated her for 7 years prior to that. Every so often she would leave him because she found "something better". Then in March 2003 she left him one last time because she was dating two other men. He was devastated once again but had no idea she had moved on before they split. April 24th he asked me out on our first date. Everything was fine, there were no issue. The ex was happily dating and we were so in love. He introduced me to the kids (three girls ages 11,10,8), still everything was fine. The kids like me . Life was good! Then the ex suddenly found herself single and alone again. To no avail she did everything she could to try to persuade my BF at the time to take her back. When that didn't work she started talking bad about me to the girls. These kids are loyal and they have no idea they are being manipulated so they come home (by this time they are living with their dad and I) and start war with me. They yell at their dad telling him that it's my fault they aren't a family. She told them their dad cheated on her with me (not true!). They proceed to break my things, steal my things, get in my face and yell at me (not something you want to do). I couldn't have a conversation with any of them without them turning my words around and telling their twisted version of what I've said to their mom. She would get mad and then it would start all over again. Now let me tell you their mom was never stable. She couldn't be responsible enough to keep a job and pay her bills to maintain a roof over her children's heads so they had to live in my house 24/7. Every time she found herself in a bad situation (or just for the heck of it) she would call my husband and beg him to take her back, even after we were married. Then she started making these phone calls with the oldest daughter present (with her).
I bent over backwards for those kids. I made sure they had what they needed and some of what they wanted. I made sure they had really good Christmas's and birthday's and yet they continued to abuse me day in and day out. Now I will tell you this. I was never the kind of person who wanted the credit for doing things, so when I would do things for them, they were always presented as if it was their dad and I and they would just assume it was just their dad. I didn't care. They were kids and it broke my heart to think that their parents couldn't do for them, so I did it (I'm a professional college educated woman and my husband is a blue collar worker. I make over 3 times what he makes). Plus I didn't think it was right for me to spend a bunch of money on my son while they sit and watch. Now, I'm not perfect and I've had my moments over the years where I’ve lost it. For instance, the day that the middle SD picked up my $2000 stereo system and dropped it on the floor and then stomped on it (in front of me). I about blew a gasket. I went into her room picked up her boom box and threw it as hard and as far as I could into the front yard. Aside from that, I've never done anything destructive. I've yelled at them after they yelled at me first and I kicked them all out of my house just this past March. Although I will say in my own defense that I am at my breaking point. They are all adults now and I don't have to put up with their behavior in my house so now I don't have to. I now have key marks down the side of my car.
The event that lead me to this blog is that once again I said something they turned around but the oldest has been on a rampage to destroy me since March (the event that lead to them being kicked out of my house). So she is running around to everyone in their family trying to get them "on her side". She's making up stuff to make me look terrible. So last night my husband gets a text message from the oldest with a picture attached. Someone took a picture of one of my FB conversations with one of my family members where I was talking about how the SD’s think I am the most horrible step mom in the world.. I said exactly this “You know I'm the step monster from hell... or so they say... F***'em they are the only ones hurting cause they aren't hurting me”. The eldest’s take on it was that I said “fuck them” and that is just horrible. When my (and the hubby’s) take on it was that what I said was about me not them. Oh and by the way I said it during the time the issue in March was happening. Honestly, I think it’s my facebook page, I should be able to say whatever I want about anyone I want. I blocked them all (back in March) so if they happen to see something I said they would have to make a huge effort to find it, which is obviously what happened. So not only is she making a huge twisted deal out of something I said (again) about me but she’s going to great lengths to do it. Quite honestly, I’ve decided that I don’t need this kind of aggravation which is why I kicked all of them out of my house in March. I’m so over feeling like I’m being attacked all the time.
My frustration today isn’t really about what the kid is doing. It’s more about what my husband isn’t doing. Why didn’t he tell her to stop trying to start crap? I guess what I’m really feeling is if he doesn’t feel strongly enough about me to tell her to stop then he must be in agreement with her and at this point maybe we should part ways. I really hate this!!!