I am now almost at the 2 year mark of being step mum. If anyone had warned me that I would be dealing with an evil bitter ex wife, 3 challenging primary school aged boys with more problems than anyone would ever care to deal with, all after having moved state, had to find a new job, lost income in the process and I look forwards to weekends with the Skids like I do walking over broken glass.

Now DH's ex (the BM) left my lovely man - all her decision, reasons are unknown as she has refused to tell him why. He was homeless, living in his work van, begging for marriage counselling which she would agree to but then not turn up to appointments. The kids were 3, 4 and 6 when she left him. He lost his business, and was left a shattered man who still loves his kids but wonders now why he ever married this beast of a woman.

The kids are now 9, 11 and 12. 9yr old is 75kg (yup that is not a typo). The 12yr old poos his pants still. It has taken me 2 yrs to teach them basic toilet hygiene :jawdrop:, we still have tantrums thrown over being made to do basic chores such as bed making and room tidying.

I make a huge effort to have a lovely clean, tidy house. I cook delicious home made meals which the kids love and being the main income earner, it is me that pays for more than my share of the house and their expenses such as clothing, haircuts, shoes, christmas presents, etc. BM refuses to send clothes for their fortnightly weekend visits, often they turn up in their dirty school uniforms. When she did send clothes, they were tattered rags not worthy of playing in the mud with but we returned them washed always but did ask for some more appropriate clothing to be sent. Her response was to drop them off for a 2 week holiday visit with NO CLOTHES at all and the 12yr old had poo'd his pants.

She constantly demands we fit in with her plans, but if we ask for a change, refuses to accommodate it. For example, we had to move house, to a bigger one that would benefit the kids. We advised her with a few weeks notice we would not be able to take the kids for the weekend and would need to swap. That was met with the most vitriolic nastiness I have ever encountered, she threatened us, broke into our house to find our new address, drove the kids around to all our friends places and threatened to dump them with them.

The school has voiced their concerns about the super obsese 9yr old and make her take him to the Paediatrician and dietician which my DH also attended appointments. They were clear that he had to lose weight and gave a diet plan to follow and exercise routine based on walking more. Of course the poor kid has put on more weight as her response to this was "I can't put him on a diet because the other kids won't eat the diet food" and "I can't make him excercise because his brothers tease him" and "I can't afford excerise programs for him" although she has brought a new car and TV. She take them to Mcdonalds constantly, feeds them pasta and takeaway and pre packaged foods. They have constant access to junk food at her house. SHe is alo MASSIVE - like a size 28 - 30.

I find this ridiculous in the extreme as the kids love my healthy food and even ask to take my vegie soup home with them.

No one will act against her, we have no family support here (closest family is 12 hours drive away).

I am stressed, tired and get so anxious every time a weekend visit is coming up. Does this get better?

Sorry for the long rant....