Am I over reacting?
So SS16 asked his dad last night if his 19 year old pot head friend (his only friend) can "hang out" at the house today after school. His dad looked at me and said, "do you mind if xxxx comes over"? My blood immediately started to boil. The last couple time SS16 asked me if xxxx can hang at the house I've said no. So surely he knew he would try asking his dad instead of me.
SS16 hangs with this kid every single day. SS16 has no job. I'm not sure if xxxx does but he came back from college the beginning of December and has not been back. My husband asked if xxxx was going back to college and SS16 said xxxx forgot to hand in his transcripts in time so he's going to go next semester. BULLSH///!!!!! I guarantee xxxx will be a college dropout for what ever reason.
They are not allowed to spend much time here because they have smoked pot in his bedroom and stunk the house all up. Then they raid the kitchen and $30 worth of groceries every time. I do the grocery shopping so I'm usually ticked off when I'm going up and down the grocery isles thinking, "gee, well I wouldn't have to get this, this, this, and this if SS16 and his friend wouldn't have come over.
I really wouldn't care much but my 14 year old bio son lives here 100% of the time and I don't want him picking up their bad habits. Daily bad habits at that. I am thankful that my son wants nothing to do my husband's kids. They use to hang out years ago but the last couple of year my son wants nothing to do with them. Thank God!
But here is the kicker of this whole story. I have been known to smoke pot myself. Mostly when me and my husband go to a club he is a member of. I smoked some on New Year's Eve. And then during the pro bowl last week. I more than likely will during the Superbowl too. My husband does not smoke at all. So my husband likes to give me that look any time I bring up his son smoking pot. "But honey you smoke pot as well".
I think it is a totally different situation when it comes to his 16 year old son! And our household! His son won't even be respectful about it. It's like he flaunts it. Thinks it's cool. Before xxxx came back from college in December, SS16 was going over to this girl's house every single day then coming back stoned. And I am talking about every. Single. Day. He even took his 13 year old brother over a couple times and came back stoned. My husband quickly put a stop to that. The 13 year old is no longer to go with 16 year old. I guess that crosses a line with my husband. Apparently 16 years old is ok to be a pothead.
So my question is do you think I'm a hypocrite? Am I over reacting?
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Comments
I would keep the loser away
I would keep the loser away from your bio. It's a little hypocritical but Im assuming you are an adult who functions in life and occasionally smokes pot. It sounds like SS16 & his buddy use pot as a lifestyle.
My bio son said to me once when he was college age "I dont know if pot makes people lazy or if lazy people tend to smoke pot". He may have smoked over the college years but he knew he didnt want to be a pot head.
I dont think it should be allowed in the house when there are younger kids. Maybe your husband thinks you should be a better role model.
IMHO not hypocritical
Guess what, I have a glass of wine at dinner. I hold down a job and keep house. I have concerns about what marijuana does to young brains, and in any event, dont want to feed another mouth.
Ouch. I get it. But I do bust
Ouch. I get it. But I do bust my ass every day working 40 + hours a week and taking care of a family. Thank you for your reply.
Frankly I'm confused as to
Frankly I'm confused as to why your DH is allowing his 16 year old to hang with this loser...
You're completely reasonable to want it away from your house. One of the MANY reasons I don't allow Psycho at the house for pickup or drop-off is due to the fact that Psycho and druggie are well druggies. I won't allow that near my home or house. The girls should have a space free from it, I won't allow it in. Your bio is no different. He shouldn't be near this.
I agree. I would like to
I agree. I would like to think if my bio son ever went down this road, I would not let him hang out with kids like that. Thankfully my son has a good group of friends.
Well one of the things I don
Well one of the things I don't uunderstand is parents believing their teenagers should make all the decisions. I get giving SOME independence, but when they continually show that they arent' ready or responsible enough for that, I think a line has to be drawn and the parent should be taking control. IE hanging out with druggies. My MIL had the philosophy that DH and BIL coul ddo as they pleased and have all the privacy they wanted. BOTH knocked up high school girlfriends. Something I believe could have been avoidable if she had actually monitored some of their activities.
So anyways. I think kids making bad choices, teenagers or not, should be reigned in. It's the parent's job to guide, and frankly to help the kid not make too dumb of choices that could really mess up their future. If I see it and can prevent a likely bad outcome, as a parent, I feel I should step in.
Whether or not you smoke pot
Whether or not you smoke pot is completely irrelevant. You are an adult, SS is not. In some areas pot is legal, but not for children.
I wouldn't say you are overreacting, but perhaps overinvolved? Let DH know that CHILDREN will not be allowed to smoke pot in your home and around your bio son (I assume you are not smoking in front of him, anyway), but otherwise, he can let his lazy kid do whatever he wants, and hang out with whomever he wants.
But DH will also be going to the grocery store to stock up when they eat you out of house and home.
Nope, not a hypocrite. I
Nope, not a hypocrite. I take an occasional poke here and there but my SS17 is a legit POTHEAD. Up until fairly recently BF would let his kids smoke in the house but they took it WAY TO THE NEXT LEVEL. The house would REEK most days. Finally, one day SS17 was upstairs in his room in the middle of the night with friends and I woke up gagging on pot smoke. It made its way all the way downstairs and through our CLOSED door.
Because I live in "their house" (for now - thank Jeebus he's selling in a few months) I don't speak on much about what the kids do so I took a towel and put it under the door. THANKFULLY BF woke up to pee and the towel barred the door and it pissed him off so he banned smoking in the house (well, he did leave them a little "out" by saying the dumbest thing: "sneak a puff out the window is fine" *fool*)
ANYWAY - point is, I'm grown, pay all my bills and don't subject anyone else to pot smoke smell... they OBVIOUSLY don't do the same. Difference.
Besides that, are you at the same level as his kids? If he does side eye you, tell him that it's your house... they can do whatever they want in theirs.
Stick by your guns.
I can get plastered every
I can get plastered every weekend if I want to, or travel out of state and smoke myself into oblivion.
Wanna know why? Because I am an adult. With a job. And an ID that says I'm old enough to buy and consume those products.
At 16, he's not legal allowed to imbibe. Additionally, without a job, how is he affording the pot? Is DH giving him money? If not, your DH needs to think LONG and HARD about how his kid is affording a daily pot habit. As a parent, even if he isn't concerned about the pot smoking, he should be concerned about the pot acquisition.
Next time your DH puts you in this position, in front of both SS and DH say:
"SS, I don't want the kid in my house. You already know that, so don't run off to your dad to ask something you already know the answer to. DH, you know this, too. Don't make me the bad guy in front of your kid. Tell him no; that's part of your job."
HCBM's Dream Come True
Everything above, plus the fact that MANY of the HCBM's could send the cops over and claim you are allowing minors to imbibe.
That was MY nightmare scenario I spent 5+ years freaking out about.