What do you do when teen step kids don't follow rules AT ALL?
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We've caught her stealing multiple times and she denies it. We've caught her having friends in the house when we're not here and she denies it.
She comes home stoned. Smokes cigarettes and leaves the empty packs in her room, then denies smoking. Has no concept of gratitude. She's very demanding and not considerate or thankful. She's manipulative. I drive her places, give her money and food, buy her things, etc.
I want her to move out. I've had enough disrespect. How would you deal with this?
Depending on the severity of
Depending on the severity of the problem, I would a)stop buying her things, driving her, giving her money and food; b)put under lock and key everything that is likely to be stolen or is precious to you, inc alcohol, valuables, etc, and have a lock on your bedroom door. Never leave a bag around with money, cards in it.
Or if the situation has reached breaking point, c)tell her she is moving out.
Why should you live under siege? If it is your partner's house and he refuses to get her to move out, I would move out myself. Life's too short to live this way, really.
Sounds like there are rules.
Sounds like there are rules. But have they been clearly communicated by you AND dad, or are you a one-woman show? Also, does each rule have an associated consequence when broken? I don't mean to question you, but sometimes us steps have to put up with bio-parents (in my case it's DW) who's image of their children is slightly rosier than reality.
I had similar issues with
I had similar issues with SD15. She wasn't getting into the type of trouble your stepdaughter is, but feels that rules don’t apply to her and that she’s too good to have to follow them. She was used to be treated like an adult when she was living with her grandmother and older half-siblings and refused to be treated like a child or act like an adult.
When she came to live with her father and me last year after her grandmother died, she refused to do almost anything her father or I asked her to do, follow the most basic rules and flunked 9th grade.
Punishments didn’t work, taking things away from her didn’t work, and her dad was too hung up on daddy guilt to lay down the law with her.
What I did was set-up a home rules contract. It listed all of the rules, expectations and privileges and the consequences for breaking any rule.
To continue living in my home, she needed to sign the contract and agree to the accept the consequences of breaking any of the rules.
She refused to sign it, but my DH wimped out of enforcing it so she’s now living with her aunt and uncle. Honestly, it’s good riddance. There’s so much less stress in my life and our home is so much quieter.
Her father is upset about it, but he has no one to blame but himself for not stepping up and disciplining her and his daughter for being the most belligerent, hateful child I’ve ever met.
I'd want her out too, what
I'd want her out too, what are your options here? Can she go back to BM?
She'd have no privileges and no door. Everything would have to be earned and she's be forced to do some kind of after school work.
I am sooo upset that I am
I am sooo upset that I am just finding this forum. I have similiar issues. My SD16 has caused so much grief and drama in house with not following rules, bringing boys into the house, and manipulating her bipolar mother into calling dyfs and cops on us 3 times. Actually she didn't have to manipulate much...it was up BMs alley. The last straw was last oct, after 4 years od hell, and she moved with her BM. However that didn't last long for whatever reason and she moved with her Godmother. I told her yrs ago her BM didn't want her but just wanted to cuz havoc in my house. So anyway, now that BM filed for custody and cs for a child she didn't have my husband forced SD16 to come back. She has been here for 5 weeks and I feel like I'd rather pay for CS than to have her here. She does nothing but spend time in room on cell or runs the street. She tells my husband what she is doing and when instead of asking. If he tries to bring down the law and has a retort of some kind as "if u don't do this than I will do that"...can't wait til she turns 18. Got 15mos to go!
When my oldest SD started to
When my oldest SD started to act out my DH kicked her out to her neglecting and evil BM. She came back with her tail between her legs. I stopped doing everything that had to with her. I don't help her out, don't buy her stuff, don't pick out presents for her b-day. NOTHING! I got so hurt last time when I took care of her and gave her everything that I'm not going to do it anymore! My well being is way more important to me than hers- she has a mother to take care of her.
I did the same exact thing.
I did the same exact thing. You teach people how to treat you. I stopped helping with HW, giving rides, and just plain stopped caring! Now that I have distanced myself from her she can see that she is not my responsibility and didn't have to do anything and won't anymore.