Ugh I think about this sometimes. The SK and BM bring so much drama, I had no idea what I was getting into! I knew he had a kid but if I had known how hard it would be to love this kid and if I knew how much drama and resentment dealing w BM would bring to my life, I would have definitely come into this relationship w a very different strategy. I feel you, I really do. Sorry I don't really have an answer for you, but maybe it will bring you comfort to know you are not alone?

BTW, I loooove your picture. I am the proud mother of a 5 month old Dachshund I know she's not my bio kid either but she is definitely a step up from SS lol

Ugh I think about this sometimes. The SK and BM bring so much drama, I had no idea what I was getting into! I knew he had a kid but if I had known how hard it would be to love this kid and if I knew how much drama and resentment dealing w BM would bring to my life, I would have definitely come into this relationship w a very different strategy. I feel you, I really do. Sorry I don't really have an answer for you, but maybe it will bring you comfort to know you are not alone?

BTW, I loooove your picture. I am the proud mother of a 5 month old Dachshund I know she's not my bio kid either but she is definitely a step up from SS lol

I did leave an SO basically because of his ex. She was a master manipulator - total control freak disguising everything with syrupy false friendship. In the time before I was around he never saw through it, and went along with the way she wanted things to be. When I got there and tried to draw some boundaries around our relationship she freaked out, and he didn't have the balls to step up and defend the boundaries.

For example, the kid (who was really a pretty good kid, no issues there) played soccer every weekend, and she insisted on sitting with us at every game - her ex in between her and me. I finally got him to work with me on making sure he was on my other side, but he wouldn't agree to sit elsewhere, saying "I don't want my kid to have to choose who to run to when he comes off the field." Well, then you shouldn't have gotten divorced, buddy.

Another example - every year prior to his getting involved with me (first serious relationship, four years after they split), they got a big joint Christmas present for the kid. She wanted to keep doing this. He said no - starting now you do your thing, and we do ours, and I don't want you getting me anything or getting things for kid to give me, we will handle that in our home. So what does she do? Shows up on Christmas Eve with a big bag of gifts including one just from her to him, and insists on coming in and exchanging and opening them. And my exSO freaking allowed this!

She would say things to me like "we'll always be involved with each other" and "some things will be just the three of us" etc, etc.

She didn't want my SO back in any way - she was fine with him having someone else as long as *she* still came first with him and could flex her power whenever she felt like it.

And he was too afraid of her taking his son away from him or his money away from him to stand up to her.

So yeah, I left him. This was a guy I moved coast to coast to be with. And I left with nothing but my little cat, and my life a total disaster. This was the situation that finally caused me to have a breakdown.

Still didn't put me off men - it took "psycho boy" to do that, a year or two later, and I stayed off for a while until I met current SO. But that's a different story, also involving a completely psycho BM.

I swore I'd never get involved again after that one, but he was different. He's my other half.

At the end of the day, it still bothers me just the teensiest bit that that psycho BM thinks she won by driving me off. And it took me a long time to realize that that man wasn't the knight in shining armor that I thought he was. But at the end of the day, it was me who won in that situation. Because although it was hard for me to see it, a man that isn't able to be clear and firm about his boundaries isn't clearly and firmly committed to his woman. That man didn't deserve me and I'm better off. To hell with what that bitch BM thinks.

In your case I'd ask whether your man is doing everything he can to deal effectively with his ex. If his is, then don't hold her antics against him. If he's not, then hold him accountable for doing it.

Good luck...

L