Pissed!!!

OMG, SO really set me off tonight.

I've been laid-off since last year. Sending out and putting out my resume daily. Michigan economy sucks. During this time, I've been collecting unemployment so it's not like I'm not bringing anything into the household finances. Finances are a big issues lately. SO feels his "wants" are "needs" and questions why I can't seem to pick up the slack. Yet, just about my entire checks go for nothing but bills. I'm lucky to get $20 play money while his play money runs over $100 per check. Granted, he brings in 3 times the amount of money I do, but still...it's our home and our bills. We need to work together and compromise until things improve. JMHO.

I've been there to help out with SS, take care of the household stuff, deal with all the paperwork needed due to BM's bullshit (which has been ALOT! And, SO just plain isn't good at that stuff) and help SO run a youth division in a sports recreational sport. I didn't mind. I was home during the day while SO works.

Tonight, I mention that SS15's room needs cleaned...BAD! Wrappers in drawers, stuff all over the floor, clothes everywhere, etc. Yeah, he's 15, and I've been VERY lenient about the fact he's a male teenager, but, we have company coming this weekend so I wanted it cleaned up. SO says "Why don't you help him?" Me "For real?" SO "yeah, you're home all day." Me "Ummm...he's 15 not FIVE! he can clean his own room. SS15 sitting right there, so I'm sure I'm now StepBitch.

I told SO, I understand that you work and I am home all day. That is why you haven't had to do laundry nor has your son, dishes or clean the house since I've been laid off. I've felt very guilty about not working. BUT, that does not mean that I am everyone's personal maid! SO turns this around to "you've been being a bitch lately. I don't know what your problem is. I can clean up after myself and keep the house clean (yeah, I SAW his bachelor pad. Clean was a FAR understatement!)." So I jump in the shower and he goes to talk to SS15. I get out and he says "SS15 will be back on Thursday and I'll help him clean his room then." OMG!!!!! Fine, whatever, just get the damn room clean suck ass. Didn't say that, but, I felt like it.

Then he says (for the 2nd time) that the paperwork I'm doing because of BM stealing his health insurance is due to "the can of worms I opened". Yes, I noticed she was using it, illegally, and brought it all out. But, for real? I caught his ex-wife stealing his insurance and it's my fault for the consequences of it?????? I'm sorry, but I so wanted to say "look you PUSSY, if you would have gotten your lips removed from her ass long enough you would have seen what was happening 11 years ago instead of just kissing her ass the entire time!!!" She steals $25K (and rising)of insurance and it's MY FAULT that you are having to deal with it?!?!?!?! :O W.T.F.!?!?!?! Instead, I said "well, it's a damn good thing I caught it when I did because had this gone on for another 11 years they'd probably just put YOUR ass in jail for not reporting it!" SO is innocently nieve. Honestly, he is. It's a terrible trait. He sees absolutely no "red flags" in his world. It's weird. :? But, in some circumstances, that isn't going to help him and I've tried explaining this to him but it doesn't "click".

Is it just me? Was I a bitch? Is this a "man" thing? Help!

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how is SO relationship with

how is SO relationship with SS... does he give him any accountability or does he dance on eggshells so SS doesnt dislike him...

my DH is a tad lazy and unfortunately i feel like I may have created the monster... I do the cooking cleaning etc, work full time... we have a 6 mo old and i deal with all of SS homework...drs... etc (not complaining because i dont mind caring for SS... but i know that feeling when they cop a tude and you just want to hit em in the head with a frying pan... or spit in their coffee... LOL... Dont let it go to far with the "expectations" because it will make the relationship resentful... and as soon as you lose the partnership piece of it... its not a good thing. Tell him. He needs to give you some respect... you didnt choose to not work and you arent doing nothing about it... if he walked a mile in your shoes... he'd be calling a taxi less than half way because that is a "man" thing. Chin up

Thank you! What you said

Thank you! What you said makes sense. Don't get me wrong, SS15 is a great kid. I don't have any real problems with him. He's a teenager and he's messy. I could have it worse. BUT, I do believe that SO has coddled SS15 so that SS15 thinks SO is the "great Dad" that he never got credit for being. SO has heard nothing from BM except he is a POS Dad unless SO handed her $$$$.

SO is a great Dad. Always there for SS, goes to every single sports games, NEVER even a penny behind in CS, etc. SO needs ALOT of reassurance that he is a good Dad. It's sad. SO will lay down the law when he HAS to, but he'd rather not...I can tell. But, I will say that SS15 NEVER, EVER disrespects SO, Me or any adult. I know for a FACT this is due to SO's parenting not BM's.

SO was a bachelor (dated but never anything serious) for 10 years before meeting me. So it was him and SS15. His world revolved around SS. SO chose to raise his son first and foremost. Then when his son was older he let himself go have fun. In a way, I think that is backfiring on SO. I think all of us, in this house, have created their own Monster...LOL

SO needs to hold his son

SO needs to hold his son accountable.... IT is not your job to clean the kids room. It seems that he is angry with the insurance thing, and takes it out on you ... Maybe not on purpose though

Yes, you are right. He is

Yes, you are right. He is very angry about the insurance thing. His insurance paid for the birth of BM's child she had with the guy she left him for and now the insurance company is going after him for all the money they paid. For SO, he's about as angry as it comes (which is mild for what my reaction would have been in his shoes).

I see where you are coming

I see where you are coming from but, I didn't cause the stress. BM illegally used his insurance. SHE caused the stress. Whether it came out now, because of me, or later, because of other circumstances, it was BM's doing. That is like saying that a person that reports a murder is liable for the stress it causes everyone, when it is actually the person that committed the murder that is soley responsible.

I, honestly, don't think he "resents" me because of it. I just forced him to deal with something and he doesn't like "dealing" with things. Especially, BM things. It's easier to turn a blind eye. He has thanked me for opening his eyes to her and, as early as today, for helping him with this insurance bs. I think he just sometimes goes back to his old thinking of it's easier to ignore than deal mentality. I told his Mom what he said about "me opening a can of worms". Her reply was "THAT would piss me right off!!! You made him sleep on the couch, right? Oh no...I...oh my...my son better..MMMMMMMM" People in Meijer were staring at us...LOL Here's this little 70 year old lady ready to go thump her 50 year old son. I LOOOOOOVE SO's Mom! We just lost SO's Dad last Spring and they were married 53 years (Mom was 16 when they married)...I take her advice be it good or bad.

I do feel very guilty about not working and, I agree, that I could be projecting these feelings toward SO and taking things to heart more than I should.

BTW...Unemployment benefits is NOT a silver lining. Believe me. If it was, I wouldn't be busting my ass trying to find a job.

Comments

how is SO relationship with

Thank you! What you said

SO needs to hold his son

Yes, you are right. He is

I see where you are coming

True

I was so totally

I gave up on my steps room.

SO called from work this

You are here

Pissed!!!

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