The mediator hasn't filed her report yet but DH and BM have agreed to start the new 50/50 custody arrangement Sept. 1. It is just in time as SS and SD are increasingly frustrated with not being here very often, which feels good. Next Saturday DH and kids and I are leaving for a two week vacation and the visitation change will start right when we get back. We will have the kids every Wednesday and Thursday and every other Fri-Sat-Sun (a standard 2-2-5 schedule), and DH and BM have worked out all of the holidays and submitted the form to the mediator. So DH and I are really excited about this new era in our lives. I can't express what it means and how much I welcome it.

On the other hand, I do have some trepidation in the back of my mind b/c the new schedule requires me to actively manage my workload and juggle my time; it will only work if DH and I cooperate in getting off work early when necessary etc. so I have a very big role to play. I posted last about intense frustration over not being respected for even lesser investments and sacrifices in my new family, so I know that some of those feelings are bound to crop up again. DH apologized profusely and just so happened did some, um, not-so-smart things in other arenas and so while I still hold him accountable for giving me respect for my role, I calmed down enough to see that sometimes his brain doesn't click on the right factors in other areas as well, not just with me. That is a bigger issue and a longer row to hoe and one of the challenges in my marriage. It is just extra sensitive when it happens in the context of the ex (of course). Anyway, I am really glad to be a big part of this family, but we all know that comes with extra challenges when you are not a first wife and a stepmom.

Although DH and I are juggling our full time law partner jobs until December, things may change after the first of the year and yes it would be me that goes part-time. But that is something that I've wanted anyway even aside from kids' new schedule so if it doesn't work out, someone remind me of that

In the interest of keeping myself relatively sane I have been avoiding BM (I am still pretty angry about her accusations to DH in the mediation and don't want the kids to feel how cold I know I will be, no matter how hard I try)--I work parenting details through DH instead of communicating directly--and she has calmed down some on the communication front although not totally; she still has a habit of emailing to tell us she's too busy to email and stuff like that, but it's less. Although with soccer season upon us and DH coaching SS's team, avoidance will be impossible much longer.

Oh, one huge thing, I was NOT pleasantly surprised to learn that DH volunteered me to attend co-parenting counseling as part of the mediation settlement -- that's all four parents in counseling. Maybe it will be helpful but just the thought of having to sit there and listen to DH and BM hash through their old marriage-related relationship issues makes me sick to my stomach. I was so angry when DH told me that he "thought he had told me and thought I was okay with it". Who the hell was he talking to? It warn't me. Anyway, it might be an opportunity for me to lay down some boundaries with the support of a counselor, but still, yuck.