My take on apps like Kik
Noticed on SheSloth's Instagram post that she is using Kik again...literally had a comment on one of her pictures to text her at Kik user _________. Now, DH has forbidden SheSloth many times from using this app. On more than one occasion, she has been caught talking told older guys on this app. When she was 13, she was talking to some 17-year-old telling him she was 15! Each time DH has found it on one of her devices, she has been ordered to remove it!
So I get to thinking...in a time where every kid has a cell phone and pretty much all texting is unlimited, why would one need a texting app? Yeah, I get the whole "text without giving out phone number" thing. I mean, that is great for certain gaming where you are in groups online with people you don't really know that well, so you don't want to give out personal information. But outside of that, it seems to me that the main reason teens are so attracted by these apps is to hide things from their parents, and talk to people they really shouldn't be. THAT is what makes these apps so dangerous! Think about it...with traditional texting, parents have access to logs and bills which list phone numbers. If needed, there are ways to find out who those numbers belong to, and most providers have tools that allow you to block numbers from your teens phone. Apps like Kik takes this control out of the hands of the parents! Yes, the responsible parent would demand regular access to their teen's devices, but how many actually do that?
So you gave all these teens living these secret lives, talking to people online who may not be who they claim to be, giving personal details and sending who knows what kind of photos! These things weren't around when BD23 was 15...but if they were, I would have surely been on top of it, and not taking things as lightly as DH does with SheSloth! BD23 had things on her computer like Yahoo Messenger and such. The rule of her having a computer is that I had access to it! I set her programs to automatically log, and I had shared her drive to one of my computers so that I could pull those logs whenever I wanted without even having to go to her room! If I saw things I didn't like, it was handled...which usually involved me removing the network card from her computer (AHHH...the days of desktop systems)! And it wasn't for a day or two...no! She would lose internet for no less than a couple of months!
Allowing SheSloth to keep that smart phone was a not-so-smart move on DH's part! She has not been given data, but she connects it to any wifi she finds! As a result, we now have provocative selfies on Instagram again, I know she is using Kik to talk to who knows who, etc! She has delved into the dangerous "secret" life, and DH has his head in the sand! This is a different time, and parents who have their heads in the sand need to realize the dangers they are exposing themselves and their families to! I mean, how do we know that SheSloth isn't giving information to someone posing as a teen her age, and he ends up being a dangerous pedophile or rapist, and she is giving him our address so this friend and her can meet? How does that put our home at risk!
my SD13 is doing all sorts of
my SD13 is doing all sorts of shit with Instagram, Kik and everyone's fave Snap Chat.
my fiance is oblivious. BM is too. Worst part is SD knows BM is oblivious as she has commented to my fiance several times that "mom doesnt get technology at all". BM is of course the idiot that bought SD the ipad and iphone and refuses to monitor it in anyway because SD wants "privacy".
SD foolishly left herself logged into one of her Instagram dummy accounts so fiance and i have been checking out what she does. SHe easily has 20+ Instagrams and there is always conservation about "kik" me, and apparently her "social" life revolves around these contests where they start pages and try to get as many likes as possible. she is getting likes and "kikking" with total strangers. im sure most are teens, but you just dont know.
this is why this idiot girl has no real friends. she spends all her time consumed with getting likes from her virtual friends.
Her devices (all of them) on
Her devices (all of them) on the driveway. Run them over with the car. Don't replace them. End of issue.
Enjoy the exploding sloth tears. }:)
Grooming
Same issue with 10 y/o ss here. Both step kids spend all day every day doing god knows what in their devices, which I always had an issue with but I'm not a parent so why listen to me? Fast forward to my using the computer and he forgot to close this "discord" app. Totally anonymous chat and video app. Me being snoopy I started going through it and found months and months of chats with this online "girlfriend". Took me about a minute to realize there was no way it was a 10 year old girl he was talking to. Fast forward we take all his devices to the police and sure enough it was some man in the US (were in Canada) grooming him. This kid had given this person our home address, his moms home location and job and full name, his school information... everything. Our kid had countless tiktok and email accounts, Snapchat's disguised as different apps (this kid is smart- can change the app icons so it looks like the calculator) . It just went on and on. He hasn't had any device or online access other than school for months now and he's a completely different kid! Helpful, not so sloth and much happier, it was a godsend.
13 year old step daughter on the other hand spends literally all day every day in bed on devices. I'm talking gets up to use the bathroom and get food, and that's it. It drives me NUTS because she refuses to do anything else. Apparently bio mom and dad didn't learn anything...
Yes, the phones have parental
Yes, the phones have parental conrols...but that means the parent taking their head completely out of the sand and gaining control of the device long enough to set these up. Problem is the parent (like DH) who just hands the device over to the teen, even with history, and just giving her verbal warnings (in that "stern" voice of theirs) about it's use.
Sally and Calypso...isn't it scary that these dads aren't more protective of their little girls with all those predators out there? It seriously worries me who SheSloth is giving our address information to over the web! There are some truly sick people out there. These teens don't think about the information they have on the web...they have these accounts set wide open for anyone in the world to see them. With a completely open Instagram, SheSloth is out there posting pictures of herself in just a sports bra and low-rise PJs in sexy poses, and has her Kik linked to the same Instagram! Here comes sick preditor..."Oh look here...a sweet young thing with no inhibitions!" Next thing you know, SheSloth thinks she is talking to some 15-16 year old guy, when she is talking to a 45 year old perv..."Oh, let's meet!" Here go the lies that DH will not have a clue about because he believes everything SheSloth says! You know...like yesterday..."You don't have to come get me from my mom's. My friend is picking me up to go to the mall and she will bring me home when we are done." No, I'm kinda certain she did go to the mall yesterday, but it was so easy that if she needs a lie to get a way to meet some guy from the internet, guess what? She knows DH will fall for this with no question! Oh, and BM, too...because she was obviously okay with this friend she never met picking her daughter up from her house, and never called DH to ask if this friend was okay!
Exactly! And it may not even
Exactly! And it may not even be alcohol! They can slip things into a Coke, a smoothie...whatever. Also, since these little tarts have no clue about personal information, what if she gives the address so that she can sneak out and he can come pick her up. Now he knows where we live! Who knows what other information has been given out...that I work from home, etc. So maybe this sicko knows that I'm a woman home alone all day! Great! What kind of danger does that put me in?
I mean, seriously. I've always had this rule that I would not put my kid's names on the back of my car. Just their sports number? Sure. No one can tell from that if it is an older child, younger child, boy, girl...but never a name! We live in a time where there are too many sickos out there, and I don't want to be followed home because one of them sees the back of my car..."Oh, that one has a daughter!"...knowing that there is a chance that girl will be home alone certain hours of the day. But these teens don't think about that!
Mouth herpies!!!!! Yuck!
Mouth herpies!!!!! Yuck! Seriously, I do think that belief has been around since our time...I seem to remember certain girls in our school saying that, and me just shaking my head and laughing.
Yeah...love the "no is no" philosophy. But funny...they believe that no is no when it comes to sex. Why doesn't no mean no when the parents tell the kids they can't have or do something? I mean, if no doesn't mean no then (because the teen doesn't want to accept it and will do what they have to to get their way), why should no mean no when it comes to sex (same thing...guy really wants it and will do what they have to to get their way)? Hmmmmmm.......
Your SD trying to explain to
Your SD trying to explain to a future spouse or parther that she is a virgin with herpes/aids/other STDs will be an interesting excercise.
Interestingly I have friends who have worked in several ME countries where the young people have the same philosophy. "If it is not vaginal sex then I am still pure. We will have just sex not THE sex." :?
From a Technical side... All
From a Technical side...
All SmartPhones have some Parental Controls in them. The Cell Provider has other features (usually around an extra $5/month for it). Plus, you can install an App and have a Central Web Site to manage and control the phone (Look at Cisco's Meraki - https://meraki.cisco.com/ , It's free).
But, your DH needs to "Be on-board" with it. Who purchased the phone, who pays the monthly bill ?
Most of all, Who is Legally Responsible for SD and the Phone and it's Content.
We have the control feature
We have the control feature for SheSloth's phone. All it controls is the cell service. So, yes, data is turned off! However, that doesn't stop her from connecting to wifi, and just about everywhere has free wifi these days.
And you are right...there are ways to control stuff on the phone itself, but DH left it wide open. He even connected it to our home wifi for her! IDIOT! We didn't buy the phone...some friend of hers gave it to her. I've been fighting against getting SheSloth a smartphone. Up until now, all she had was the good old "dumb" phone...text and calls only, all of which could be controlled by AT&T's parental controls. DH has his head firmly planted in the sand! If it isn't the phone, it is the laptop with a camera that one of DH's clients was just going to toss and he gave it to her. That is what she uses to Skype boys on. Oh, did I say he was an idiot?
SD13's twitter is wide open.
SD13's twitter is wide open. it always has pics of her in bikinis.
funny thing is, when she's in a bikini, she throws her shoulders back and sticks her boobs out. when she's dressed nicely she hunches over and almost appears as if she's hiding them.
I know right? SheSloth is
I know right? SheSloth is always slouching or complaining about having big boobs. But let it be a selfie or let a boy walk into the room, etc., those girls are pushed out there!
doritos, in our case, dumbass
doritos, in our case, dumbass BM who is the CP provided my SD13 with the phone (against her father's wishes, but he has no say). He then requested she set up the parental controls. BM didnt think they were necessary so she refused.
My opinion... I would be
My opinion...
I would be looking to cover myself Legally first. Since BM pays for and provides the Cell Phone. I would try to have your DH have some kind of Hard-Copy of the request to BM about some kind of Parental Controls on SD's phone and what the concerns are. With BM's reply that "she does not think it is necessary". Email, Text Message, something besides Verbal.
Here's why....
How many times have you seen news stories about kids sending nude pictures of themselves or other kids around. Then the child being caught with them and getting charged with "Child Pornography"? Who has to pay for the Lawyers fees and take Legal Responsibility for it? Some gets "stuck" on the child. But, some goes back to the Parents too.
That Hard-Copy gives at the very least proof and maybe a little Legal protection. The Concern was brought up. But, was "shot down".
its all in email, our family
its all in email, our family wizard, and was actually filed with the court as part of various motions he filed a year ago when we tried to get joint custody.
BM's answers to discovery relative to the issue were very vague...things like "oh she uses it like a typical teen would and i monitor everything" which is a lie.
its all in email, our family
its all in email, our family wizard, and was actually filed with the court as part of various motions he filed a year ago when we tried to get joint custody.
BM's answers to discovery relative to the issue were very vague...things like "oh she uses it like a typical teen would and i monitor everything" which is a lie.
Well, SheSloth has now made
Well, SheSloth has now made her Instagram profile private, which means you can't see her pics, and she has to approve you following. That means, DH can't monitor it any longer! Who knows what she is posting, but you can still see the number of posts she has, and she has been way more active on it since setting it to private.
She did this after DH got on to her about the pic she posted where she was wearing a sports bra and low rise PJ pants.
Remember...that means him
Remember...that means him actually having to take an action! The way he sees it, at least now that it is private, not every perv will be able to see it. Right! I'm certain she did it just to block out me and DH, as she would never accept our requests to follow her....yet, she will accept every stranger on the planet. May be time to take that old iPhone 4 of mine, and set up an alternate account that she doesn't suspect...LOL. But that means that I actually have to do something, and I'm not supposed to be doing anything...LOL.
SD13 has had an iPod Touch
SD13 has had an iPod Touch for two years or so. No cell service, but she taps into that Wi-Fi as soon as she gets off of the bus and in the front door of our house. DH has been telling her that next summer, as she gets ready ro enter HS, she will get a cell phone. Right now she is instagraming and texting, but why get her a cell phone? All that would do is give her data usage everywhere, and she would never get anything done. I keep thinking that with a cell phone I can block sites and set up parental controls, but I don't know. Maybe I should just let her crash and burn at school and then her phone will be taken away anyhow.
~ Moon
One thing that annoys me is
One thing that annoys me is that it seems the schools have given up on curbing cell phone use. Apparently, it is now the norm to be on one's smartphone during class and such. When BD23 was in school, it was the rule that if they saw it, it got taken up. That went for anywhere in the school. BD23 once got her cell phone taken away because she was on it in the bathroom during lunch, and a teacher happened to walk in. If it was taken away, a parent had to go down the school to retrieve it. Truth be told, that is probably the reason the schools don't care any more...too many parents complaining about constantly having to go down to the school to retrieve their child's cell phone. Yeah, gripe at the school instead of punishing the child for not following school rules, right? That is about par for the way things are today.
It is even so bad that SheSloth's school now has wifi through the school! Yup, you read that right! Kids can just jump on the school wifi! Wonder how much cheating goes on these days now that the school basically has opened the door for it!
DUP
DUP
our local school - get this -
our local school - get this - gives all incoming freshmen an ipad. problem is, nothing is blocked on the ipad so kids can download anything they want. and because their textbooks etc. are all on it, its allowed in school. obviously the kids have figured out they can message, etc. while pretending to be on the school site/textbook.
stupid! and it cost the taxpayers hundreds of thousands to boot!
Seriously, schools are
Seriously, schools are getting dumber! Now, I get that electronic books are cheaper, but at least lock the stinkin' things down! Luckily, our high school hasn't gotten there yet, and I hope if they ever do, it is well after SheSloth graduates! I can already see SheSloth bringing home a note that we suddenly owe the school $400 because she cracked the screen on her issued iPad, since we already know how the girl is with electronics!
Open DNS
If she is only using wifi you can block whatever you want from coming up on the wifi. It does cost anything you just would need to set it up through your wifi router and make sure you change the default password on the router (kids can be smart and login to the router if you don’t). You can have total control of blocking those sights and it even lists the domain names and how many times it was been accessed. It will only work when she’s on your wifi but at least she can’t do stupid stuff online at your house.
My older brother's daughter
My older brother's daughter also constantly spends time with the phone, and he has repeatedly noticed that she communicates with men much older than her. The girl lost her mother early, and her brother is raising her alone; he tries to raise a good person and explains the consequences of such communication. But we all know this teenage rebellious spirit. And he found a way out, just installed the https://www.mspy.com/kik.html and can control which applications she uses, which sites she visits, and much more. The app really pays off. But my brother still continues to discuss issues related to responsibility with her, and she also visits a psychologist who helps her survive the loss of her mother and start living a full life.