Because woman are bitches. Plain and simple. And because you didn't buy us a Coke damn it

It is so obvious that your wife is using you for money, she brings it up constantly and used it as her terms for coming back when she left. That is why some people are telling you to divorce her. Oh, and she actually TOLD you that she's using you for your money and has been all along.

You get different advice because, well, men and women are different, and you may not be telling the same story on the different forums, word for word, which makes a difference as far as people's perceptions.

You're here talking to mostly women. Women who are stepmothers. Women who have difficult relationships with their own stepchildren. Women who have sometimes financially had to support their households because their choice in partners is already financially assisting in supporting his biological children. Some of these women are wife number two or three, some number four. Women who have had to decide if she afford a child with her new husband due to his previous commitments . Women who have stepchildren who visit their homes anywhere from 50/50 to a mere two 48hr rounds a month.

On your other site, one full of men, you are talking with other men in your own position who love their children, unconditionally overlook their children's faults and don't view them as financial burdens, users and abusers and children who disrespect and unaccept.

Any other questions?

I think that women are generally tougher on other women. That is one reason. The other is that from everything you write, your wife's interest in you appears to revolve around your bank account. You appear to be very well off financially. Enough so that not only can you fund a fairly rich life for your own bio kids, but you are also able to pay for your full new household plus pay your wife's bills and chip in towards her kids' education. That is a LOT of money flowing out. I think a lot of people see her anger at money flowing towards your kids as being particularly rankling because you are helping HER kids and she isn't even making their father step up to the plate.

That just screams gold digger to most people.

Again, women are judgemental of other women, your wife is a soft and juicy target for her gold digging ways. She also appears reminiscent of the GUBM mind set that I want what I have.. plus what you have.... What you are freely offering her isn't enough.. she wants more.

I think alot of frustration comes from the fact that it looks like your wife is clearly using you for you money.

I mean you just said that she asked you to cover her kids school, you said no, and now she's punishing you again.

But it seems like you just can't accept this. Which is to a point understandable. You wanr the marriage to work but this women has very clearly told you that your kids don't matter. Not just that she doesn't like them but that they shouldn't be in your joint home. You shouldn't be supporting them. So on and so on. This step mother doesn't care about her role as a step parent and just wants you to take care of her and her own. To hell with your children.

As step parents many people here find that so wrong and just can't understand why you would keep a women like that in your life. Your children are being completely rejected by your wife and from what I understand you haven't provided any reason why. So why aren't you protecting them from her hateful and selfish behavior.

So many people here are working with spouses to gain more time or even any sort of relationship with their children. You have this and don't seem to care that this women is in fact hurting your relationship with your children. You are not putting the kids first as so many of us understand has to happen.

Gunner - I did not read all the comments, cause I do not agree with half of it lol..

1. Why are woman and men giving you different advice... cause we are different. Men see it as a wife at home who will look after their kids and prepare meals and keep house. Men do not get it that yes I might be a woman but that does not make me motherly towards another woman's off springs... I hate them why cause they are not mine and reminds me off my husband having sex with another woman...... in short that's how allot of second wives feel.

2. We see things differently, woman analyze way more then men, woman work out predictions in their heads, we are way more complex then men

Now from me, I've told you from day one this woman is only with you because of your money. Now and again she's returning a favor in allowing you to have sex with her. Every time you want to leave she promise to change and then wham she hits you in counseling. Let me guess a female counselor right, and your wife thought she would take her side and not tell her stop relying on Gunners money. This woman managed to make you think you are not worthy of love or any other woman, and you belief it currently... stop that crap immediately, for every pot in this world there's a lid that fits perfectly, regardless if the pot is bend or full of bumps.. there's a lid that will fit. Your lid is not fitting Sir, accept it and move on.

The money thing will always be an issue between you and your current wife, I do agree with you, if you can manage to maintain your kids life style and give your new wife and kids a better life style they would've had without you, then by all means, go ahead.

I will get pissed off if you give all your money to your first family and I have to support you,

You love this woman, but does she love you back or is she pretending.... the only way to find this out is to separate, I'm not saying divorce yet, simply separate and start dating again... take her on dates and pay every thing, spoil her and her only.... do not give her money. If she's still with you after 6 months, she would have learned to support her self and then she loves you.... separation means, you do not contribute 5 cents to her house hold or her life style, the only support you give is expensive dinners.. oh and through the months she must feel free to talk to you about her finances and show you how she progress, if she loves you she will do this, you can show her how you've cut back on money to the ex wife..... it's no use if she goes in further and further in debt and you have to bail her out after 6 months... then she's playing you...

Men and women communicate differently.

For example: my nephew's wife asked him to do the dishes - not something he usually does. He DID - he washed them, dried them, put them away, and wiped off the table. She was mad that he didn't wipe down the stove and sweep the floor. Well, she didn't ASK him to do those things. She asked him to do the dishes and he did EXACTLY WHAT SHE ASKED. Had she asked him to do the dishes AND tidy up the kitchen, well, that's a different story. He didn't mean to make her mad, but he takes things literally and she didn't communicate what SHE sees as "doing the dishes".

Men are typically literal creatures. Women, not so much.

Gunner - there's actually some great advice available online about how to handle income inequality in a relationship. Here's one good article:

http://www.moneycrashers.com/how-to-handle-income-inequality-in-marriage/

Look especially at #3 (Power Struggles) in the section about problems that this issue can cause in a marriage...and then maybe multiply those feelings described by 100 for your wife who also has to deal with stepkids and watch you fully support another woman.

Also, under the solutions section, look at #1, #6, and #8. Specifically:

"If you resent your spouse because he or she is spending too much money, talk about it. Just remember to start any discussion about money in a loving manner, without accusing the other of wrongdoing. The two of you are teammates in life, and shouldn’t treat things like a competition or a battle. Help each other out!"

I think a big part of your problem here is that you went into the situation expecting or assuming your wife was using you...essentially accusing her when you asked for half the vacation fund (that was your stated motivation for asking for it...to find out if she wants you or your wallet), which naturally hurt her feelings. There's really no place for this kind of "litmus test" in a loving marriage, and I think your wife is smart enough to know that and to sense the resentment and true motivation behind the request.

"If the two spouses have different salaries, the higher-earning spouse should not penalize the other person for working in a lower-paying job. The spouse may want a higher-paying job, but has always been passed over for promotion, or, conversely, the spouse might be happy in the lower-paying job. Whatever the reason for the discrepancy in income levels, it shouldn’t be a point of contention."

I feel like you may have brought your wife up to your standard of living and wined and dined her while you were dating and then started resenting the income disparity and making it a point of contention after you were married. If so, this likely feels very unfair and unloving to your wife, and she's struggling to process what this means for her at this point.

"Be flexible. Chip in and do more than your share in special situations. Perhaps your spouse needs extra money for an essential, one-time purchase, or wants to lend money to a family member. Spend a little less that month, and let your spouse have a larger percentage of your combined income."

I think a lack of flexibility and empathy are the main problems you need to solve with your wife right now, not who's paying for what and what's most fair. There are many ways that your behavior has been unfair...but there are also legitimate resentments that you have. I think the answer is to have patience, talk it through, and proceed in a loving manner rather than trying to "win" an argument or penalize your wife for her behavior.

Again...just my two cents. But, assuming you do want the marriage to work, I think if you do some very basic reading in financial journals and other resources about this very issue, you'll see how people in a similar situation to yours handle it...or should handle it.

If you don't like the answers you get here, then why do you keep posting?

HEY GUNNER, I will play.

To answer your question: Because men are wired differently than women that's why.

How about YOU tell us what they guys are saying? OK?

This is more a general comment vs. specific advice re: Why is the advice so different from woman and men?

One thing I will tell you, and pretty much any woman here can back me up on it, is that I have known several women who were conniving, manipulating, controlling beyond belief. And, all of the women around her get this and know this. BUT, all of the men around her, will be feeling sorry for her, think she is interesting, strong and so on. These women are not necessarily attractive (usually they are not), nor to the best of my knowledge that good in bed, nor rich, and do not seem to possess anything that any other woman around them could see that a man would even remotely be drawn to. Yet, this woman is able to suck in men every time.

Is it pheromones? I don't know. I only know that at my age I have now known more than a few of this type of woman--conniving, controlling, bitchy even--yet they spend most of their adult life burning through men and able to discard and move on from man to man, marrying a couple of times in-between, and these women always come out smelling like a rose. I don't know if your wife is one of those or not, but I know they do exist because I've witnessed it multiple times.

So, something to think about. These type of women are also very competitive with other women, and feel "rightly" superior to them. Some of them even have what I'd call borderline personality disorders. I just think these type of women instinctively know that a man can provide them what they most need, and they hone in on this with every guy, playing every man like a Stradivari, and when another "better" one comes along, they move on.

Again, I'm not saying that is the case here. I'm just saying that the advise differs between men and women because men and women are different. Something might be very clear to most women, but men, for example, may just think the women are being jealous. I'm sure it goes the other way too. I do think women know women better and men know men better.

Gunner,

What is this other forum you're on? Can you provide a link to it?