I had to self-assess: Had I done anything wrong? Was there anything I could have done differently? I attempted to have open, honest conversations with the skids. Impossible with SD. I checked in with friends. Was it me?

Of course, I could have done some things differently, but I concluded that I never had ill-intent toward the skids or the situation and I never did anything to harm them. I entered my marriage wide-eyed, planning on positive relationships, and I bent over backwards in the early days. I believe they saw that as weakness rather than kindness. 

I finally realized (and DH confirmed this) that it didn't matter who I was: I would be hated by them. I could never "win" with them. Their behavior was illogical and had nothing to do with me...not worth wringing my hands over. I needed to protect myself, my feelings, and my dignity. 

It was at that point that I stopped giving a crap and gave up fighting a losing battle. I knew and know who I was/am and what is in my heart. It is their loss. Although I now do harbor negative views of the loser ingrates, I would have at one time been a great friend to them, an alternative viewpoint, a supporter. THEIR LOSS. 
 

My experience was very similar to MorningMia's - when I met my two SDs, they were very young indeed, and had already been instructed by their mother in hating me - how I behaved was irrelevant - although I tried to behave well.  After a year or two I stopped trying as nothing I did or didn't say or do made any difference.  I was still civil, up until 2 yrs ago when SD29 insulted me by email, I decided to go no-contact - I'd had enough - and haven't seen her since. How do I not care?  I do care but she will never know.  

Unfortunately, if you're an empathic, decent human being - you will always care. You're hardwired to want everyone to be happy and for there to be peace in your relationships.  It's hard to reconcile the seemingly targeted hatred that comes your way as a SM. All I can suggest is that you become your own supporter and best friend and keep those who love you and appreciate all that you are - close to your heart. 

Simple.... do these skids pay any of your bills or enhance your life in anyway? 
 

if the answer is no ... then ---> do not gaf!!!

I'm very much like MorningMia these days but in the beginning, it was difficult. I tend to be a people please and want people to like me. I'll keep the "peace" at my detriment. Well, I did.

So, really....you have to access yourself and actions. Yes, I made some missteps but none were intentional or hurtful to others...more to myself.  I sleep well at night, knowing I did everything in my power to "get along" with DHs kids. It's also very telling that I do not have issues with anyone else in my world...in fact, my DH often says, "Everybody loves CajunMom." 

So, I self-reflect, make any corrections needed and keep in the front of my mind that I am well liked and loved by many people and DHs kids opinions of me are meaningless to my well-being and self-esteem. 

For me it's easy if they have treated me bad then I dont care what that person who is horrible to me thinks about me. If someone treats me like crap then I don't care what they think about me. I know I haven't done anything wrong 

But must respect you and your household.   They are required to do certain things. Like everyone else has to do in life. What we really don't want to do but we do out of respect for other people .   DH did not teach his kids respect. It his fault 

First, you discuss the toxic spawn's bullshit with someone whoknows you and who will give you a realistic opinion on the situation specifically regarding how what the SKids are saying aligns with your history, character, etc...

Then you do a self check on what the toxic spawn are saying.

Then you keep their noses scrubbed in the stench they emanate.  When they crawl out from under their rock to ply their crap, point out that they have backstabbed anyone and everyone they know so it is no mystery why they have no close relationships or why they continually are rejected.

Keep the mirror of the facts in front of them and remind them that they are the source of their own misery.  We may not be able to just ignore or not care what these types do or say, but we can invoke an escalating state of abject misery on them by not letting them suck us into their toxicity, keep the facts front and center for them and anyone else they try their bullshit with, and take a zero tolerance immediate ass baring position with them and mitigate or at least minimize their impact on our lives and the lives of those we care about.

Finally, live your best life.  Living well drives these types nuckin futz and living well in front of them and in spite of them is also the best revenge.  

When they know unequivocally that their shit will not be tolerated or hidden and their asses will be bared to anyone and everyone they tend to spend more and more time under their slime covered rocks at the bottom of the shallow and polluted end of their gene pool.

Our version of this was the SpermClan. Our son was and is a truly kind and good person.  Unfortunately his SpermClan cannot say the same.  They played games, we did not.  Their crap was confronted with every legal, financial, and social tool at our disposal.  Their facade of being a good family did not hold up in court, in their community, or in their church when we started addressing their crap.

IMHO of course.

Take care of you.

I let it roll off. I have a wide range of friends, have super great relationships with people I work with and over the course of my life only know (to my knowledge) a couple people who haven't liked me (and vice versa). So it's NOT me. And they were kids/teens. They do not rule my house, I do not do whatever they want me to do/not do. Too bad for them. My niece knows better and that's enough for me.