I broke down & said something to DH. He said he is uncomfortable having my mom at the house because it is his daughters party & she is not her grandmother. That statement was even worse than BM having a problem w/ it. He said he wants to go to the movie even tho BM is going because he thinks it will mean alot to SD that they r both there. I disagree . I believe it will mean alot that they r both at the party. Going to the movie they won't even talk at... Cuz it's a movie! Of course now he's mad at me. So we r fighting again. I have tried to explain that my feelings r just & not abnormal. He just doesn't care. It's always his way... Which means it's also always BM's way cuz he doesn't want to piss her off. He always makes me feel like I am wrong for feeling the way I do. That is why it is so important to hear what others w/ similar situations feel because I need to know I am not crazy. I have put up w/ & dealt w/ stuff that I think others would have said screw this! Maybe that is what I'm doing wrong?

Your right... I do let BM control things. If I didn't I would be divorced... Again. BM tells DH how it's going to be & usually she gets what she wants. DH tries to pass it all off as it's all for the kids. He constantly gives into her so she is happy so he will get calls every day about what is going on w/ the skids. It's crazy. I understand wanting to have a civil relationship for the kids but she calls 3-4 tomes a day & texts. It's not just civil but friendly... Sometimes the discussions don't revolve just around the kids. She talks alot... About everything. I am civil w/ my ExH but not anything more, I don't want to be & his wife would not tolerate that well. I actually spoke to my Ex about this situation b4 I married DH. He said his wife would freak of I acted like BM. I hate it but I know it won't change... At least not until I am divorced.

Funny thing is, my DH was always jealous of the other guys I worked with. Even tho we both worked w/ the same guys & he would have know of something was going. He would still freak if I talked to someone for to long or one of the guys was joking around w/ me. Just seems like bullshit since he says I have no right to feel the way I do about the woman he was married to & obviously had sex with.

He still gets jealous if someone I use to work calls to say hi or ask me a question.

Fist- Thank you all for your advice and input. I really do appreciate it. It means a lot that other people will take the time to try and help me with this very difficult situation. It makes me feel like I'm not so alone. I agree with all of you. I do feel like My DH is still married to BM, and that I am the other woman. I know this is not just BM's fault, my DH is much of the problem. He enables her to act the way she does. Before he would say he had to do things her way because he could rarely work things out for a weekend visit so he depended on BM to be flexible and let him see the kids with a more flexible schedule. Of course this was easier for him by kissing her ass & making her happy... while of course my feelings were neglected. This was suppose to change when he was no longer tied down by a horrible work schedule & we lived much closer to BM. I never thought it would be perfect, but I believe things would be better because he could pick his battles and hopefully find a happy medium. I was wrong again... I misjudged him. I believed what he said before we married, and several times since then. When threatened with losing me he says all the right things, but the actions don't follow. Now it has turned into him constantly guilt-tripping when I have an issue with anything. He can't understand why I have a problem with her inserting herself in every part of our life together. The funny thing is I never start the problems, it's always BM hearing about something and then causing issues. If I don't roll-over & agree then I am the bad person. I feel like DH wants to still be married to BM but doesn't want to live with her. He wants all the benefits of being a "happy little family" w/ BM, but wants me for the fun "adult" stuff. I am not awesomely hot or anything but I am thinner, prettier & 8 yrs younger than BM. DH loves that we enjoy the same activities & have more in common than he & BM ever had. I feel like he wants the best of both world's & doesn't care what hurts me. It's all about him & his needs. I admit I have benefited in certain ways from our marriage... I am more financially secure & I get to spend more time w/ my kids. DH always make a point that according to him these things should be enough & I shouldn't complain about anything. I mean really, to me that would make me be a hooker. I don't care how much money you give me, I need emotional security! That is what is most important to me, an emotional connection.... & I feel like he is committing emotional adultery. I have done a lot of thinking the last couple of days. I have a plan... I am going to disengage & hopefully get thru school. After I finish my Bachelor's Degree I will much more confident if I choose to leave DH. I just need to make it thru until then. I do not want to leave now & be back in a crappy job where I can barely support myself & my kids, none the least see them due to my crappy work schedule. I also worry how my BD would react to DH & I splitting up. MY BD & SD are like BFF's, especially since we married. They love referring to each other as sister's & it would be devastating. All I can do is try & remove myself as best I can & try to make it thru. Wish me luck....