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BM G-MA and STEPMOM/ G- MA AT THE SAME PARTY??????

pafreema's picture

Submitted by pafreema on Sat, 08/15/2009 - 2:15pm

OKAY HUBBY, SON & SD INLAW HAVE DECIDED TO HAVE B-DAY PARTY FOR GRANDDAUGHTER.

THE PROBLEM IS THAT BM AND SMOM DO NOT SEE EYE-TO-EYE. THEY INTEND TO INVITE BM OVER TO THE PARTY.

WHY DO THEY HAVE TO PUT EX IN MY TERRITORY???? WHY CAN'T THEY JUST HAVE IT AT A PARK SOMEWHERE?????

Comments

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Sat, 08/15/2009 - 2:49pm

We throw joint family celebrations for the SDs. BM never goes, but her family does. We always have them at a restaurant, or some other facility that does parties that the SDs choose.

I don't know what kind of person BM is and how well you two get along. Have you suggested to DH that he suggest that they throw the party elsewhere, at a place that is neutral territory?

How old is the grandchild? If she's a toddler or in elementary school, maybe he could suggest that they have it at a kid-friendly place and offer to chip in a reasonable amount of money. If she's in middle or high school, maybe you could all go to the movies and see the movie of her choice. Or, you could all just go to a restaurant where they sing "Happy Birthday."

pafreema's picture

Submitted by pafreema on Sat, 08/15/2009 - 3:29pm

I though the same thing Or to not be present.

The Stepdaughter-In-Law decided to go to Bm G-ma and made a big deal about my actions.

Just because I basically asked what her(SIL) intentions were of inviting Ex-wife. Now it seems to be turning into a big mess.

The idea is just to avoid Ex-wife on lil tyke's special day and making it good day for the little one. You would think I created a crime in it all!

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Sat, 08/15/2009 - 4:05pm

I'm sure you've already done this, but I think you need to talk to DH. Try to do so in a calm way so then maybe he'll be more open to your feelings. If he ends up disagreeing with you and insisting that this go on, I think the best idea would be for you to not be present. That way, at least you don't have to deal with the stress of seeing BM.

If the party were to be held at a neutral place, or at SS and SDIL's house, then I'd say what they're doing is ok, but for them to have the party at your house with her there is rude. Maybe if you calmly tell DH that he will be hosting the party at your home on his own because you won't be there, he'll change his mind.

Even if you don't end up going to the party, do make sure to call the little girl on her birthday to wish her a happy birthday. That would mean the world to her Smile and maybe take just her out for a meal at another date, just the two of you, so you can both bond together.

pafreema's picture

Submitted by pafreema on Sat, 08/15/2009 - 4:31pm

I was going to get her a little gift regardless.

I just think that anyone in their right mind would not bring together a Ex-wife and 2nd.

SIL is trying to tell me to grow and swallow my pride because she is. It's Not about pride at all.

It's about NOT ruining the party for little tyke and ensuring everyone has a good time w/o drama.

pafreema's picture

Submitted by pafreema on Sat, 08/15/2009 - 4:34pm

Thanks for taking the time to listen to me vent!