I've been on this board for years but had to create a new username before posting this because DH knows the other one. So this is my new "Version"

I honestly don't think I can handle another month of this BS.. SS13 doesn't like me.....at all. He used to get along with me just fine but when SD15 came to live with us BM managed to make sure that SS didn't want to have anything to do with me. BM lets him do whatever he wants. If my boys talked to me the way he talks to his mom they'd be picking their teeth up off the floor! He has no chores and no responsabiliities there. So, when he comes here and I ask him to do something simple like "Pick up your dirty clothes" he cops an attitude. DH lets him get away with way more than the other 3 children that live with us on a regular basis. He will get in the car and say hi to everyone except me, he essentially ignores me all weekend and every Wednesday he is here.

The final straw was this week. SS13 and my younget BS share a room, it had become a DISASTER and they couldn't manage to get it clean and keep it that way. So last Sunday while they were gone I spent several hours cleaning and organizing their room thinking that when everything had a home it would be easier for them to keep it clean. BS came home Sunday evening, discovered the clean room and exclaimed THANKS MOM then I told him my expectations of it being kept that way, showed him where everything would go at the end of each day. He managed to keep it clean with only 1 reminder until SS came over on Wednesday night. So, I tell SS at dinner that the room had been cleaned, it looks great, that I expect it to be kept that way and he says "ok".

Thursday morning I ask SS and BS if they made their beds and picked up their room before they left, BS had SS didn't answer. I go look and find SS clothes on floor, a toy he knocked off the shelf and bed unmade. Came back out and told him to go to X,Y and Z. He disappears, comes back I ask if he did XYZ and he says "Yeah" and he leaves with DH to go to school. I go back to tell BS it's time to go and find that SS did X but not YZ. So, I call DH and ask to speak to SS, he gets on the phone and I dont't yell but I do tell him that next time I tell him to do something I expect it to be done and him not to lie to me about it. He says "Yes ma'am" and we hang up. I'm annoyed but no big deal. UNTIL: DH calls me back YELLING and CUSSING at me while SS is sitting right next to him in the car listening to it. I WAS PISSED! DH gets mad at me for saying anything to SS without saying something to him first and giving him a chance to handle it. We end up fighting ALL DAY and NIGHT about it. He finally says he will talk to SS about the lying/disrespect this weekend. So, we p-up SS on Friday night and go out to eat, nothing gets said, come home SS gets on Xbox, nothing gets said, SS and DH spend an hour+ talking about gaming BS, nothing gets said - I go to bed pissed. I had plans to go shopping today and spend time with my mom, the other kids have stuff going on so it's just DH and SS here all day. I tell SS before I walk out the door to take out the trash he says "OK". I go enjoy my day, come home 10 hours later and ask SS if he took at the trash and he reponds "Not Yet"!!?!?!?! I come back to our room and DH is laying in bed reading, I tell him that I told SS to take out the trash and he didn't do it (telling him first and giving him a chance to handle it) and he says "That's OK, I took it out" WTF????? I tell him that's not the point and he starts yelling at ME again asking if i just came home to bitch about the trash? NO ASSHAT I'm not bitching abut the trash, I'm bitching aboout a kid disrespecting me in my house!

So he STILL hasn't talked to SS about Thursday morning, now he's letting him off the hook today and to top it all off, he took SS out and about today and bought him stuff and had a great time essentially rewarding his shitty behavior. It's gotten to the point that I can't stand the sight of SS or the sound of his voice. He's just a mean person with no respect for anyone else. He's mean to the other kids, they all think he's a jerk, he is mean to my dog and I've had several family members and friends express concern about his behavior.

He's only 13 and with no rules at Mom's house and a severe case of Disney Dad here, I'm beyond concerned about what's to come.

I want out, I'm tired of the roller coaster, I'm tired of not feeling like I can discipline a child in my OWN home!! DH sees me as the only problem, I need to get a grip, change how I react, etc. I'M NOT THE PROBLEM HERE! I have kids that I have raised to be caring, generous, kind people. They don't always remmber to do their chores on their assigned days (which SS doesn't have because he's not here all the time per DH) but they don't lie about it when asked they say they forgot and they have consequences for forgetting. And when asked to do somethiing specifically, they do it!

I so wanted this to work with my husband but I just can't see any future with him anymore under these conditions.