Do you ever do something that you would not usually do and then wonder what the f*ck you were thinking? I just have to get this off of my chest because I just think I am loosing it. This past weekend was our weekend with the skids. Since I am the one that is off, I deal with everyone. Which usually is no big deal and I really don't mind.
So bd and ss had overnight guests sat. night. Sd spent the night at a friends. Bd had asked me if I could take her so she could use her b-day money to buy a new cell phone. I needed to take her to get new pants anyway, so sure no problem.
I take ss and bd and her friend, we get the phone and then go to get the pants. Now ss was being pretty patient. He complained of being bored a few times, but no big deal he was really very good. He wanted to go into a certain store to look so bd and friend went to look at another store and I took ss to look in the store that he wanted since I wanted to do something for him too.
While we were ther, he wanted to know about a game that was coming out in a few days. I had asked about exchanging a brand new game that he had recieved two of but that store would only allow him half of what it sold for. Since it was new, unused and wrapped they suggested going to another store that would give him full credit. I explained that to him and he was fine with that, only he wanted to go now...
Now I am tired and ready to go home and said no, but gave in to his begging. Why, I am not sure. So, since we had to drop off bd's friend and pick up sd and the store was right by the friend's house I reasoned with myself that this would be okay although I still can't tell you why. Now all I really wanted to do was go home. As I am pulling out of my garage (we had to run by the house so friend could get her stuff) dh pulls in.
Dh "are you coming or going?"
Me "going." "We are taking friend home and also going to go to ______, although I really don't want to."
Dh, looking puzzled, "Then I wouldn't go." Then dh asks sd about project she had due and asks ss about game and mentions that it doesn't come out for a few days. Ss says that he wants to reserve it. Dh gives me a sort of tired, confused look and says, "well, I guess I will see you later."
I took home friend then decided that we were just going to go back home, which we did. I am frustrated with myself because I feel like I don't know how to be an adult anymore. After all, I am in charge not them and I can say no. I do it with bd all of the time. So, why is it so hard for me when it comes to dealing with the skids. I feel like I am at a loss with them. Ss would of been fine with no. He has begged before and I've said no and it has not been a problem. It's not ss fault that I am loosing it.
Everything is a struggle for me lately. I feel like I can't parent right anymore or deal with anything effectively and I don't even know why. I have never had a problem with kids before. Not with my own or their friends, but when it comes to skids and their friends I just don't know what to do and feel forced to do what I don't want to. Just a sidenote - ss friend is bm's best friends son.
I was feeling frustrated when I came in the house and needed some reassurance and mentioned to dh that I feel like I am losing myself. He got a bit uptight and asked what I meant by that and since I did not want it to turn into a fight I just let it go. I just wanted a bit of affirmation I guess.
Has anyone else ever experienced this or have I just truly lost it?

Georgie