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SD broke DH's wedding ring yesterday. I am livid.

GameOn's picture

Submitted by GameOn on Mon, 07/08/2013 - 1:57pm

DH has been letting the kids play with his wedding ring. He calls it the one ring to rule them all. I've told him repeatedly that I feel very uncomfortable watching his 6 year old son run around with it because he can loose it. (This is the ring that I gave to him when we got married in the Carribean and I just feel that it's irreplacable and it's not just another toy for the kids to play with.) I made sure that it was made of tungsten for the very specific fact that if he ever caught his hand on something at work it would break, hopefully, before any real damage was done to his hand.

Well yesterday we were over at the neighbors house and he was throwing his ring into the bottom of the pool letting the kids dive for it. SD 8 ended up gettting it on their third dive and when she got close to DH she just flung the thing. She didn't even attempt to throw it to him. She just chucked it. I watched that thing sail through the air and snap in half on a bed of rocks.

I am so p!ssed about this. We fought all last night about it. I know that I can just go out and buy him another one but what really upsets me is that there's nothing he holds sacred. I mean nothing. His kids have no business playing with his wedding ring like it's just another toy that holds no significance for them. They don't give two sh!ts about anything. In fact right after it happened SD just looked at me and said what did I do and I told her that she broke her dads wedding ring and she just stomped off and went over and pouted at a table. What was DH's reaction? Don't say that to her. She didn't break it. Of course this makes SD happy and right back into the pool to have fun she goes without a second thought of what she did.

This is just another example of where my marriage stands with DH. Watching that ring snap in two basically sums the last almost four years up. He has no boundaries with himself. He completely ignores me when I ask him not to do something and does it anyways and then can't understand why I get upset and thinks that I am just over reacting. The ring can't be fixed, it's tungsten, and it's irreplacable. And I still can't believe that he stood up for his BD claiming that she didn't break the ring. The last time I checked she was the one that threw it. I know that she wasn't trying to break it she just doesn't give a sh!t about it or what happens to it. Hense her jumping back into the pool to play after DH stood up for her. THIS IS WHY I'VE BEEN TELLING HIM NOT TO LET THE KIDS PLAY WITH HIS WEDDING RING. IT'S NOT AN EFFING TOY.

Comments

myspoonistoobig's picture

Submitted by myspoonistoobig on Mon, 07/08/2013 - 2:15pm

Wow. What must be going through this guy's mind? Does he really just assume that he can act this way and you'll just stick around forever?

GameOn's picture

Submitted by GameOn on Mon, 07/08/2013 - 2:32pm

I have no clue what's going through his mind. I'm pretty sure it revolves around making his kids happy because that's all that seems to matter to him. It sure as heck isn't our marriage because if it was he wouldn't let the kids play with his wedding band like it means nothing. But they're happy and that's all the matters right?

GameOn's picture

Submitted by GameOn on Mon, 07/08/2013 - 2:26pm

As of right now I'm not sure if I want to stay with him. This is not the first time he has completely ignored everything that I said and just did what he wanted to do anyways. It drives me mad. And it's his wedding ring. It just really sums up how much he respects this marriage. I loved his I didn't know it was giong to break. Well genius, it's not a toy. If you hadn't let the kids play with it like it was a toy it wouldn't be broken would it?

GameOn's picture

Submitted by GameOn on Mon, 07/08/2013 - 2:29pm

If I do stay with him after this I don't plan on buying him another. Apparently he had no respect for the first one so why should I replace it with another one so he can just disrespect our marriage with that one as well.

GameOn's picture

Submitted by GameOn on Mon, 07/08/2013 - 3:26pm

I've already got my ring off. I took it off last night and I told him that I won't put it back on until he figures out a way to fix his wedding ring.

GameOn's picture

Submitted by GameOn on Mon, 07/08/2013 - 3:16pm

His kids always seem to meet up to the "certain circumstances" criteria. So far this year his son has destroyed his laptop (apparently they're made for running and jumping on), partially destroyed a portable DVD player, and SD took out some shelving at a hair salon the week before last, she pulled the whole shelving off of the wall and almost had it land on her when she hit the floor (I guess it's common for all 8 year olds to climb on stuff like they're 2 years old), ruined DH's wedding band, one of our wii remotes doesn't work very well (we'll chalk that up to SS since it's in his room because all 6 year olds need expensive gadgets right? Especially since he's proven that he's not responsible enough for that kind of stuff), SS has broke countless games for all their leap pads by sticking them into his mouth and sucking on them, this list can probably go on.

What gets me out of all of this is the fact that nothing ever happens ever. There are no consequences for any of it. EVER. Do you think SD got in trouble for climbing up shelving that she knew damn good and well that she wasn't supposed to do? Nope. In fact DH had to leave with all three kids before his hair was finished to try and find parts to fix it. Did SS get in tourble when he broke DH's laptop (literally cracked the entire back of it open)? Nope. And there's always an excuse as to why they shouldn't get in trouble. This is why they never learn not to do crap that they aren't supposed to do. And do you think DH learns? Nope. I specifically asked him not to let SS anywhere near my laptop after he destroyed his. Do you think he listened? Nope. I caught SS in the living room not all to long ago sitting in DH's recliner pressing buttons while DH was out in the garage. I had to go and get DH and tell him to remove the laptop from his son. Apparenlty he forgot that I asked him not to do that and SS was only pushing a button for him. REALLY? I don't effing care. I asked you not to do something and you do it any ways. And then after sh!it finally goes down and something gets broken I get to hear the old tried and true response of I should have listened to you. REALLY? That's great that you learned after the fact and completely disregarded what I said and did what you wanted to any ways. That's great that you now know that you should have listened to me. My issue is that it will never change. Ever!!! because the only thing that matters is what DH wants and he will do as he damn well pleases and the only thing that matters to him is his kids and their happiness. Heaven forbid you tell your son no you can't touch GameOn's laptop because you can't be trusted with stuff like this. It might upset his wittle feelers and he might throw an effing temper tantrum because nobody has ever taught the kid that the world doesn't revolve around him. I'm so over it.

GameOn's picture

Submitted by GameOn on Mon, 07/08/2013 - 2:45pm

I'm assuming the strength of tungsten depends on how well it's been treated. The more you ding it around, drop it, allow children to use it as a toy, or throw it into the bottom of a 12 foot deep pool the weaker it will become. Kinda like glass. And from all of the research I did online, it is designed to be super strong, but also designed to break away when needed. Regardless of all of that, this would be a non issue if he hadn't taught his kids that it was a toy or allowed them to play with his wedding band in the first place.

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Tue, 07/09/2013 - 9:11am

My DH risked getting fired by wearing his wedding ring to work after they changed their policies and forbid rings on the shop floor.

I cannot believe the cavalier attitude he shows.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Mon, 07/08/2013 - 3:04pm

That ring is completely guaranteed. Tungsten is the hardest metal. DH's is this as well and it has a guarantee.

Doesn't excuse him being an ass, but at least you can get it replaced. Then I would seriously think about what value he places on your marriage...It is not a toy. Mine never takes his off. He lost his orginal because he refused to take it off when we tubing last year. So I bought another one and did the Tungsten again...Damn near indestructible.

bi's picture

Submitted by bi on Mon, 07/08/2013 - 3:04pm

i'm a bitch and maybe some would think this is immature, but i would get rid of my ring and tell him since his means nothing, neither does yours. my cousin's ex threw her ring in the toilet and said "this is what i think of our marriage." he said "this is what i think of it!", and flushed it.

GameOn's picture

Submitted by GameOn on Mon, 07/08/2013 - 4:34pm

Bi,

I did something similar last night. For my wedding band DH got me a cheap sterling silver band. We couldn't find one to go with my engagement ring so we just went with something that we could just use during the ceremony. DH didn't want me wearing it after our wedding day and has promised me he was going to replace it an actual custom band. Since then I have been wearing the band on my ring finger on my right hand. Not anymore. It had a little accident last night with a hammer. And you should have seen DH flip over a $20 band. Apparently his ring broke on accident which makes it better then intentionally ruining it. Whatever. I guess DH doesn't like the taste of his own medicine. Then again there's a reason why his kids are the way that they are.

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Mon, 07/08/2013 - 3:55pm

I get where you're coming from on this, but I have no idea how you can get your DH to see your side. DH isn't quite as bad as you, but he used to get mad at me because I wouldn't let SD, then age 8, take off my engagement ring and play with it in church. I'm sorry, but that is special to me and I'm not going to give a very expensive ring to a kid just to appease her. She can look at it ON MY HAND all she wants, because that is where it stays.

GameOn's picture

Submitted by GameOn on Mon, 07/08/2013 - 4:05pm

You mean you didn't just give it to her and then sat on your a$$ in the living room while your 6 year old took off with it saying give it back to me. It's the one ring to rule them all. DH has even left to go outside in the garage and left the ring with SS. I had to basically beg SS to give me the ring and promise him that I would give it back when DH got back inside. I couldn't actually take it from him and not give it back because SS would have thrown a temper tantrum and DH probably would have just handed it back over to him to get him to shut up and would have been p!ssed at me for making him cry.

Onefootout's picture

Submitted by Onefootout on Mon, 07/08/2013 - 4:57pm

Agree with the above posters. Sorry to say, your DH is just another overgrown child who has never had any real consequences (like you leaving him) and he is basically thumbing his nose at you and your marriage. He's a total jerk and I'm being nice by calling him that.

Is he so so good looking and so great in bed that he can get away with treating you so poorly? What's so great about this guy? Why do you stay?

I don't think any man is worth being treated like that. I'd rather be alone.

3LittleDragonflies's picture

Submitted by 3LittleDragonflies on Mon, 07/08/2013 - 5:27pm

DH had to take his ring off for work when we first got married. He would take it off, string it on a necklace, and put it over my head when he kissed me goodbye in the morning. Then, when he got home, he'd give me a kiss and pull the necklace over my head, take his ring off of it and hand it to me to put back on him. 6 days a week for 8 months until he got a different job. Since then he has never once taken it off.
THAT is how a wedding ring should be treated. It isn't a damned pool toy! Your DH has made me so angry that I could choke him for you. Maybe it's just my pregnancy hormones, but I wouldn't stay with DH if he showed me that THAT was what he thought of a symbol of our marriage. What's he going to do next, use your marriage certificate as scrap paper? Maybe the kids could color on it.

Hanny's picture

Submitted by Hanny on Mon, 07/08/2013 - 6:29pm

I wouldn't buy him a new one, and I wouldn't wear mine any longer. And his kid is not to blame, she's just a kid. He had to take it off his finger and throw it in the water in order for them to play with it and that's what they did...play with it. I wouldn't even care if it could be replaced at no cost...I wouldn't bother.

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Mon, 07/08/2013 - 6:35pm

I take my rings off on the weekend. We do a lot of gardening and renovating. My wedding band would be OK but I am wearing my grandmothers engagement ring which is ... well they married in the 1930s. If anything happened to them I would DIE!

DH takes his ring off when he is working on the car or doing something greasy and gross.... or making hamburger patties. No idea why the last one.

BUT... they are not toys. They are emblems of love and you treat them the way you treat each other. So in actual fact your DH sees you as a toy for his kids. Your relationship is not as important as his relationship making his kids happy.

This is where I would have CTJ meeting with him. Point out that counselling and putting your love and marriage first is just the way things will be or he can live on the northside of DH Playland with his kids and wreck his entire life. Yup... counselling and nothing less. If he knows and understands exactly how you feel and can accept it but not agree with it... that is one thing. But blatantly disrespecting you by allowing his kids to play with his wedding band... not cool at ALL.

JHowler's picture

Submitted by JHowler on Wed, 10/23/2013 - 7:32pm

He seriously doesn't care for the value of his ring.
I had a habit of talking off my wedding ring whenever I work with tools; I don't want it to get damaged or worse, break. So when I lost my wedding ring after I can't remembering where I placed it when I took it off, my brain started to panic. For weeks I scoured the house looking for it and trying to remember where I could have possibly placed it. My wife knew I lost it and helped me look for it. She didn't show any anger but I know for sure she was pissed as hell. And as much as I want to simply replace it, I bought our rings when I was abroad and it had a unique setting. Now I'm communicating with this website, junojewelry.com, into getting a custom made ring that would resemble the ring I had. I hope it turns out well and they replicate my ring correctly. After I get this new one, I'll probably never remove it. The last thing I want is going through that losing another ring.