O/T rules of engagment - the act of getting engaged.
recently I posted about the 'boy who cried wolf' so what about the man that pretended to pop the question? If no one has written that book, please let me be the first. 
Let me start off by saying that my BF is a total smart ass and I can usually hold my own with him. Most of the time it's funny. This however has gone on long enough that it's not so funny any more and it's not just me that he is playing with.
It started months ago with him getting down on one knee and asking what I would do if he had a ring. But I always said we had to be dating a year, well that mark has come and gone. So now I just say where is the ring? lol
When our deep fryer broke BF called his mom and asked her if we could have a new fryer as an engagement present. his mom got excited for a minute and then asked to see the ring first - of course there was no ring or engagement.
A few weeks ago BF got into my jewelry box - which I saw him do it - then got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I said no, you have to actually buy me a ring. I so should have said yes to see what he said then lol. He put it away and we moved on until...
We were visiting his parent and he calls to his mom - who was in the other room - saying that he had ask me to marry him, she came running out with a big smile (she loves me) only to hear, but she said no... because I tried to give her a ring from her jewelry box.
Then my parents showed up and he pulled it again. I asked her to marry me but she said no - i thought my mom was going to smack me - then he continued with because I tried to give her, her own ring.
Last night he referred to me as 'step-mom' and I snapped back that I wasn't a step-mom. He asked me if I wanted to be, and I told him flat out that I wasn't so sure any more.
Is it just me or is this getting old? I have even thought about buying HIM a ring but he told me that he would tell me no. The sad part is marriage isn't THAT important to me, but everything little girl dreams of getting a ring and having a beautiful wedding. I am just getting sick of this game of is he or isn't he. I told him if he keeps this up when he really goes to do it I am going to tell him to get the 'F' up.
Also I told him that an engagement ring does not count as a birthday or Christmas present (both of which are coming up). It should be separate and special IMO.
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Comments
In my opinion, it's getting
In my opinion, it's getting very old.
The next time he gets on one knee and you know he's joking, push him over and walk away.
He sounds immature and you
He sounds immature and you sound like you are more concerned with the jewelry than the marriage...
It doesn't sound like you
It doesn't sound like you guys are even close to ready for marriage. What's the rush?
I live with a "jokester" as
I live with a "jokester" as well. There are times when he crosses the line and it isn't until I'm fuming or crying that he realizes it. He's also not much for talking about emotional issues, so I pretty much have a one-sided conversation where I attempt to convey my feelings to him. Mostly it works. Some things fall through the cracks, but he gets the general idea. So like NoDoormat suggested, you're going to have to have a serious discussion.
I'm not personally a fan of expensive jewelry, but I understand that you wouldn't want to be proposed to with your own flippin' ring or that you would want that outward token of engagement that a ring symbolizes.
wow - it's definitely getting
wow - it's definitely getting old....is that his way of seeing if you want to get married? IMO there is a need for a serious conversation here - especially if a child is involved. I've been married just under a year but these are the questions I asked - not all at once but at different points while we were dating:
Do you want a marriage again? (DH had been married once - me never)
What does marriage look like to you?
Then it was:
Where would we live? (we both owned houses)
How would money be handled?
How would we spend weekends? holidays? vacations?
What type of retirement and future plans do you want?
Do you want children?
How would you raise them? educate them? religion?
what type of discipline would you use in certain situations? (I used friends kids and situations as examples)
But here is the important part - you MUST ask yourself the same questions! And be prepared for there to be differences in your answers and his. There may be scary moments too - for us we were both very attached to our houses and there were good reasons for both so in the end we had a realtor look at both of our places and make suggestions. It started to become very clear that I was waaaay more open and willing to sell and move if that ended up being the best thing but he seemed entrenched in his home (the one he shared with his ex). Needless to say I was very upset and thought well maybe this is not going to work....but when I pointed it out to him he made cleared things up and we took the leap. We are extremely happy but have areas that still need work but that is my idea of a great marriage. I hope you figure this out with your BF - Good luck!!!
If he asks again say YES, I
If he asks again say YES, I CAN'T WAIT TO GO RING SHOPPING TOMORROW! Lets see what he has to say then!
That is SO NOT funny anymore. Its sad that's he's even playing with your familys feeling on this too. Both sets of parents sound like that's what they are hoping for so giving false hope is just plain mean.
It does seem mean to tease
It does seem mean to tease you like that - and even worse to tease your parents. Are you sure you want to marry him????
I found with my DH that he often takes a joke too far and that is probably the thing I dislike most about him.
I want him to act more mature sometimes, so trust me I know and this can become an issue.
I am NOT amused about silly things!!! or really things that are IMPORTANT that are treated as silly
p.s. you are entitled to have a ring dear!!! Don't feel bad about it!! We got a small one but I fully intend to upgrade when we can (married 10 years almost), and DH is fine with that - I love jewelry and that is the ring of all rings honey!!
I love the responses! I often
I love the responses!
I often wonder if a lot of his issue is if I will say yes or not and he is worried that I may do what his ex did and leave him.
As for the reasons to rush, well there isn't really but we are getting older and would like to start a family of OUR own (I don't have kids, he has 2 but is not understanding that THEY are not MINE). He doesn't want to start trying until I have a ring (yet another reason he may be stalling?) And we do have issues but they aren't going to go away/get better - with or with out a ring. And lastly - yes it is what our families want.
I am a little superficial when it comes to the ring, but we more or less live life AS a married couple, we just need to hardware - and eventual paper work. We live together and we pool our money. We make choices together. I don't NEED a ring but I would like one.
Really I just wish he would either stop joking around about it and drop it completely or just ask already!
I have a ring that I started wearing on my right hand, if he asks again - even jokingly, I should say yes and switch the ring to the left hand
I agree w/Nodoormat. IMO
I agree w/Nodoormat. IMO he's not only being insensitive and mean sprited to you, but also including your parents in these silly games. Does he want to get married or doesn't he? Put your foot down and tell him to either put up or shut up.
My current DH was stalling to get engaged. We'd dated over five years and had discussed marriage. So I decided it was time to pull out the big guns. One night over dinner, I told him quite simply "if we're not going to get married, I'm going to start seeing other people because it's what I want." I picked out a beautiful ring the following weekend.
I know a couple of other women who've used the same "leverage" tactic and they are now also married. IMO, women hold the power in the relationship, and once they learn how to leverage that power, they can get just about anything they want.