AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Okay so long story short my dh and I are moving. BM is in a bad situation with her current housing. She lives with a Jerk. So dh and I decided it would be great to turn our apartment over to her so she could get out of her current situation. Great! Everyone's happy. PHHLLPS not our landlord. He's being a jerk b/c he wnated us to buy the home...no way.....so he says she can't move in. SO now BF and I are discussing the whole screwed up situation...and he feels bad...me too I say...but no he feels really bad...yeah me too I say...no he feels bad not just for the kids but for the ex too. Here he got her all excited and now he has to disapoint her. well, I say, I feel bad too, but come on it's about the kids right ( isn't that every step-parents mantra...it's for the kids repeated over and over again while hugging a pillow or slamming your head against the wall)HOw would you feel...he now yells...having to call her and tell her. Again I remind hime that as bad as her situation is she did make her decisions herself.
Plus I am now double irritated b/c when I found out my ex ( who I remained very close friends with for a long time after we broke up) was doing some not good stuff and I mentioned that I felt bad for HIM and my dh flipped out saying I shouldn't give a crap. Who cares. It's not worth my time. blah blah blah he then told me if it wasn't for the kids he wouldn't care if BM fell off the face of the planet! Clearly not b/c he feels bad...for her...now. Why is this othering me so much? I mean I feel bad too!
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Comments
I think it was very noble of
I think it was very noble of you and DH to try and solve BM's housing issue. It probably felt like a big problem was solved. So who wouldn't be disappointed that your plans fell through? But that's how life is. We plan; God chuckles.
You and DH did your best and that's as far as it needs to go. Maybe DH is upset more than you now because he's afraid he has to come up with alternate plans for BM. Maybe he has some misguided loyalty to making the BM's life easier; that sure wouldn't be something new. If he's worried about the kids, is that because they live with BM? If so, then maybe the kids can come for a prolonged visit with you until the BM gets a new place.
Personally, as long as the kids are safe, I wouldn't sweat this too much because the BM really needs to solve this situation on her own. Again, it was noble of you two to try and solve it, but the reality is you didn't make her move in with the "jerk" she's with, did you? So why feel compelled to fix it? By helping her too much, that is by solving the problem, you're sending out the message that she's your responsibility too. She's not, is she?
And yep, there's double standards with ex's. Men have a way of minimizing our ex's/our concerns and capitalizing on their own. Doesn't make them bad people, just makes them retarded...and absolutely useless for validating our concerns about issues. To be honest, I think it's also harder for men to acknowledge that there was someone else in their woman's past. It's just a reality that they like to cloud over as much as possible. Acknowledging your ex's issues is like saying, "yep, she did him before me." They really don't like to do that.
I feel you on this one
It is never fun to hear your DH say anything that remotely sounds like he cares about anything in the ex's life. I know what you mean.
I agree with Riley, it was VERY noble of you two to try to help her out. (I know for the kids - but it still takes a big person to be able to do it). You guys tried and didnt work out, you did your best. In fact, you did more than needed to. He needs to get over it now.
I had the same issue with my DH, he got very upset when I started expressing concern for some poor choices my ex husband was making in his life. However, I have heard him do the same with his ex. Its tough.
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