SPLAT!

if the cs we actually paid went to the well being of skids, i would not be resentful at all.... i guess the only thing i can see that bm uses child support for is school clothes/supplies..

what she does with the rest of it, beats the shit out of me... she lives rent free, they always eat at bm's mom's house (who lives across the dirt road), she has no car payment, we cover the medical for skids, plus we get them almost 1/2 the time...

am i missing something?

I think every situation is a little different. In MY case, BM uses the CS for the bills that she would have REGARDLESS of whether she had a child (car, house, electricity, etc). Anything that is for the child we end up paying for on top of the CS. BM bitches and complains that she shouldn't have to pay for clothes, shoes, school supplies, etc (in other words the normal costs of having a child). If she were a little more financially responsible and used her money wisely, then maybe I would resent it as much.

On top of that he pays nearly 2x what he should be paying a month! H
++++++++++++++++++
Why is he paying more than he should? Also, it is NEVER right for CS to change hands in a 50/50 situation.

We paid a fortune in child support....$2,700 a month for two kids....for years. We got custody of the kids a few years ago.

I never minded paying child support. But I felt like we were supporting not just the kids, but their mother as well. I hated that what we were really paying was alimony disguised as child support.

I would resent him way more than BM!!!!!

That stinks fullhouse!

Have you told him that it is crazy that he pays her that much??!! I am sorry, but I would freak out and think he was still in love with her. Sorry.

i agree 100%, if it's 50/50 -- there should be no cs to either bio....

UNLESS, bm was a sahm for 10 years, dh had a stellar career, screwed around on her and now she is making the most she can at an entry level job and she's not your typical bm slacker that we discuss on here..

every situation is different, but using kids as a money maker is just wrong! kinda like child labor, huh? except these skids aren't in sweat shops, they only have to hate sm and cause problems for new blended family for bm.

I don't know that there is ever an equitable split. There are just too many variables. In our case, BM and DH divorced when SD was 2. They got 50/50 custody and no CS (because of equal incomes), although DH agreed to pay SD's daycare costs and medical insurance, which essentially amounted to him paying CS, in my opinion. BM remarried when SD was 4 and decided she wanted to be a SAHM. Every expense SD had was paid by DH (and then me) over the years because BM refused to provide ANYTHING. She said it was DH's responsibility because he was SD's father. We're talking school supplies, clothes, school lunches, projects, activities, you name it. We paid it.

When SD was 11, BM moved an hour away (without the court's permission). SD came to live with us for the next four years. DH did NOT ask BM for CS, he was just grateful to have SD and we already paid everything anyway so we were used to it. BUT, when SD was 15 she decided she wanted to live with BM. What did BM do? Filed for CS. And when the case still wasn't concluded, BM sent SD back to us. Without CS, BM wouldn't take SD. I was (and still am) incensed by the situation. In addition to getting CS, BM also got an agreement that DH would pay HALF of all SD's expenses (medical, school, activities).

So in this situation, I see no fairness. I'm sure others (custodial BMs) have been on the opposite end of that in that they get little support from the biodad. CS needs an overhaul!

Dh really pays no child support out of pocket. He is on disability and so each of his children actually get a disability check as well. ss's check goes straight to bm. So no, we obviously dont resent any payment going out to her-we do resent that out of the money she gets very little is spent on ss. She did finally get a decent job a few months ago and that and her increased money from dh (thru disability) kicked her off all her government assistance that she was none too happy about. But she doesnt pay for ss's school clothes, medical care other than his copay on scripts (no copay on anything else under dh's insurance). I guess she if finally paying for his food-before she was on free lunches and food stamps. I think she may still have free breakfast and lunches at school. He is too old for childcare so she doesnt have to worry about that. He is in one extracurricular activity a year (3 months of local baseball). So truthfully, I am not sure what she does provide for him. For his bdays and xmas-her relatives send him money and her too I believe to buy him presents. So I guess the cs is paying for electric bills and so forth.

I dont' resent the CS one bit. It's DH's obligation to support his child. I don't always agree with the method of calculation or theory of how support standards but that's a whole new post.

What I do resent is that BM and SD too both have their hand out constantly wanting more and more from DH. Anything I spend on my children (50/50, no CS) they think SD deserves equal.

It burns me to no end. And it's currently a fresh wound as school shopping is on the agenda for the weekend.

When DH and BM were still communicating. He once asked if she would be willing to take $10 out of child support and put it into a savings account for the kids to have once they got older. She agreed...until she realized that he meant $10 for EACH kid!! Then she flipped and started screaming at him.

I guess she had better things to do with that $20 a month. Like get rid of her 3 bedroom house and buy a 5 bedroom house (for her and my 2 skids!) and a new car when her OLD one was better than the one we had to use to transport the kids!

Why do I think she used CS money for this? Because she had to sell the house and the car after the next time she took DH to court and court actually LOWERED CS. She moved the kids into an apartment. I bet she wishes she would have KEPT her 3-bdrm house that wasn't good enough for her.

How many single mothers with two children do YOU know that have a new 5 bedroom house and a new car??

I also have a friend who's fiance is paying CS for his 4 kids and their BM doesn't WORK or even have a CAR or driver's license! How in the heck is all of THAT CS going for the welfare of the kids?? That is CS turned alimony for a guy who wasn't even married to BM.

I understand kids are expensive. I am also a BM who lived without any CS until my son was 9 and they finally caught up with his BD. But each parent should be paying for HALF of the child's well being. CS should not be used to improve BM's standard of living. That is just wrong.

i have absolutely no problem with dh paying cs! he should help support his child! even if that means we have to cut back here and there...thats fine. but what gets under my skin is...bm does not work. she quit her job about 6 months ago. she is on every type of government assistance you could possibly be on and still has the nerve to call dh and ask for help other than the cs he is paying. now i do not think it is right that dh and myself both work full time and try to provide for our children (we have 2 together) and he pays cs for his son and she just sits at home on her lazy butt with her hand out!! i would love to not work and be at home with my two little ones but no, i have to pay someone to watch my children while i work so that i can provide for them and my taxes i pay can keep her feed and under a roof. she is an able bodied person and there is no reason that she cant get a job her damn self and maybe, just maybe provide for her children. it's not the state or dh's sole responsibility to care for her children. oh i love to bring this up, she has posted on her fb page before and i quote..."jut got my nails and hair did, thanks baby daddies" and yes it said baby daddies, she has 3. i HATE ppl like that.

when she and dh went to court for custody the judge asked dh how he would support the child, he replied i work a full time job and make enough money to care for my child. her response, " his child support and my mom and grandma" WTF?!

bm works but mainly uses the cs money on herself. The skids are always in the same crappy clothes and when they get new clothes itsbecause bm mom buys them. I understand that living expenses should come out of cs so that not my issue with cs. My issue is that I really don't see the skids benefiting from the cs. bm goes away every weekend she doesn't have kids and she is always claiming she has no money. My dh works 6 days a week, gets one day to himself a month. She always complains how bad she has it! Ugh!!! We have it bad, we barely get by.