I don't know what to say to ease this for you. Your H needs a wake up call and I would definitely go talk to a counselor. I can't believe he would even say it to you...

"You must love my kids, but I can't love one who isn't biologically mine."

That's just wrong.

My DH and I have kids- my two, his one, our one. And we have talked many times about adopting more if and when we can afford it. We are both nurturing people though. Is your H not?

Maybe he's just overwhelmed with the kids he has to a degree. Or maybe if you have expressed difficulty in loving your SK's on any level he thinks it's impossible.

I think you need to sit down and have a long honest talk. Because this is so important to be on the same page with each other. And you should not be forced to continue to endure loss and heartache of miscarriage as your only option. It's unfeeling of him to think so.

Peace, love, and red wine

One reason things went wrong with my ex is that he's sterile. Now I'm 40+ years and not sure if I ever will have any of my own. It was kinda heart breaking for me at that time. I really don't know what the future has in store for me, but I always wanted kids of my own.

We'll see. The clock's a ticking. I think if I were to have problems, I would not go that far as far as fertility specialists are concerned.

I think one reason I feel committed to my FSS is that he could be the closest thing I have to one.

What your DH said to you was just awful. He really oughta rethink what he said to you, no matter what the outcome, but good luck trying to have your own.

Hi, FrustratedinMA,

I read your post, I know that trying to conceive and not being able to is difficult. Right now trying to have a baby with my 2nd husband, I'm also 40+. I have one son from my previous marriage so I don't know exactly how you feel but I do sympathize.

When I think of loving step-children, I see it as the fruit of your love for husband. I have step-children and I do love them, but not exactly like I love my son.

Because I love my husband, I love his children. Not that they are always likable but because they are his children I care for their well being. The bond I've developed with them as grown over time. But he never told me I'm supposed to love his kids. And, I don't expect him to love mine just like that, he does care for my son a great deal and he is very good to him. I believe love will be the fruit of their time together but I don't expect him to love my son the way he loves his two kids.

I sort of understand his statement. It would be hard to love a child that is not your own overnight -- but there is geniune love for adopted children and as time goes by many adoptive parents love them as their own.

With men, I've learned to not overanalyze what they say and surely not to expect them to feel as I feel because they are different creatures altogether. Your husband does love you a lot. During this time don't dwell on the negative. Stay postive and stay stress free. I pray that you do have one of your own very soon or that he would open his mind to adopting should the need arise, especially if you want to.

Has your doctor suggested the pill Clomid? It's supposed to be very good. Going to my GYN to discuss this month.

I had an ectopic pregnancy, lost my right tube & almost bled to death with my first pregnancy at 37. After trying for a while I still wasn't getting pregnant & had fertility testing done & was told by a dr that I would never concieve on my own. I was at the end of my reproductive cycle. I wanted to curl up in a ball & die. I went back to the out of network doc who did my emergency surgery & we did 1 round of clomid & I concieved on the first try. I turned 39 shortly after I gave birth to my absolutely gorgeous son. It cost $25.00 for 1 round of clomid.

I thank God every day because my son is perfect. He is so beautiful, people stop me all the time to comment on how good looking he is, he is social ( not afraid of strangers, my daycare provider has commented on how great he is as well in social situations) he is developementally exactly where he should be physically & mentally & he was 3 1/2 weeks early. His smile is dazzleing & his laugh contagious. Yes I know I am positively sickening with my love for this baby. I never thought I could love anyone the way I love him.

Ask for the clomid, try a few rounds & don't give up. I guess I am telling this because I have been where you are & I feel your pain. It used to kill me to know that other women could just make babies & I couldn't.

FrustratedinMA - you have a group of people who are standing in your corner too! Stay strong.

me he had super sperm all the time when we were trying & not to worry.

I am hoping that you have some good news to share in two weeks.