*im new*
This is my first blog ever. Im not really sure how to start, i guess ill start by saying that im frustrated with my situation and just want things to get better. I have been in a relationship with my bf for 2 years. He has a 7yr old daughter. Shes a great kid, but somethimes she says things and dose things that really iust think are rude, or aside from being rude just irritating and attention demanding. like when she sees her fahter having a conversation with another adult but yet insists on continuously saying "daddy...daddy daddy daddy daddy ect." or how she always has to be in the same room that daddy is in...AT ALL TIMES! Her dad knows that lately i have been avoiding spending much time with SD and yes, he is very offended. However, I have seen him make alot of change to accomadate me, and he has all along but has recently stepped it up and i appretiate that so much, but i still have alot to vent about and i cant vent to just anyone so here i am. this is all i feel comfortable blogging about for now. If anyone reads this and has any questions or sugestions or can just relate please feel free to ask away or mssge me on here!
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Frustated, welcome! Your in
Frustated, welcome! Your in good company here! You will be able to vent your feelings and people will COMPLETELY understand you and where you're coming from.
I have been dating my bf for 2 1/2-3yrs...SD is 11 now-dang i think i may have missed her bday? LOL Anyways-my situation is more then she's a little annoying.
I'm in the 'disengaged' mode right now.
A recommendation for you....pick up the book STEPMONSTER if you can, it is a lifesaver to help you understand stepmom/stepkid relationships as well as validate that your feelings are NORMAL.
thankyou for the cmmnt! wen i
thankyou for the cmmnt! wen i bring it up with my bf, im just "immature for letting a child hurt my feelings" and her and i do have a good relationship but she dose say things that i think that shes aware are hurtful or rude. dont get me wrong i love sd to pieces shes a wonderful kid with alot a good personality qualities, and she even loves me to! but i still find myself wanting to shy away from her company, and somtimes i dont! i dnt know y, its very back and forth for me, and i know that there are women and men that go through hell with there step kids and im only going thru minor kinks, but it seems like such a bid deal sometimes... u know
CREDIT TO AUTEUR FOR THIS
CREDIT TO AUTEUR FOR THIS LIST:
Here are some classic signs of "guilty daddy." These men make their CHILDREN their spouses and can not establish a healthy adult relationship because of it.
RUN!!
1. Does your man allow co-sleeping with his children? (aka the kiddies routinely jump into bed with him at night/morning)
2. Does he have to lie down with them to get them to sleep?
3. Do the children seem somehow "stunted" socially? Do they have poor hygiene habis, eating habits, bedtime habits?
4. Does your man subscribe to the "one big happy family" model? (expects you to love his children as much as or more than him)
5. Does your man have the "inability" to say no to his children?
6. Do his children seem overly "hyperactive" to you?
7. Does your man say "just relax; you worry too much" or "Everything will be just fine" if you bring up a legitimate concern
8. Do the children seem "overly needy" demanding that dad spend 24/7 with them? Do they physically lay all over him and go bonkers when daddy steps out of their peripheral vision?
9. Are they unable to do age appropriate tasks or want dad to do things that could easily be done themselves?
10. Does dad seem overprotective of his children; unwilling to let them try things out on their own?
11. Has dad said things like "I don't want to make waves with the BM b/c it will affect the children" or "we'll take the high road" when faced with blatant BM stepping over boundaries.
If you can answer YES to ANY of these questions, get your sneakers ready to go.
Do you know your man's FINANCIAL situation? Do you know if he has massive left over marital debt? How high is his CS obligation? Have you seen the divorce decree or mediation agreement. Does it seem overly slanted in BM's favour?
Love and "understanding" simply does not cover it all. Especially in the case of stepmom is supposed to be "understanding" when all of her money goes to household expenses b/c almost all of biodad's money goes to CS.
How long would you be willing to float biodad should he lose a job and have massive CS obligations?
There are many other considerations as this type of relationship is not to be taken lightly.
[Thanks again Auteur for these words of wisdom]
It is normal for her to get
It is normal for her to get under your skin. Healthy boundaries for you and her are a must. She also needs to know not to interupt when other people are speaking.
You just need to smile and say fsd11 we are talking right now and when we are finished your dad will answer your question. Children do not know how to behave unless we guide them.
Your BF will need to be on the same page and inforce this boundary as well. It is a growth process for all of us.
Welcome aboard, and vent away...it is good to have others who can relate.
Remember also that MOSt of
Remember also that MOSt of the time women/mom/mom figures are the ones that teach our kids manners and respect...most guys leave it to the women-it's just not their 'thing' but he shoudl BACK YOU UP and make sure she listens to you if you DO reminder of proper manners.
Im new here too, and everyone
Im new here too, and everyone has helped me tremendously!! I have the same problems with my ss10, to the extreme. I was sooo happy when I read that your significant other is willing to accomodate you and try to make it better. My DH seems totally oblivious to it all, and its now escalating.
I wanted to offer you my thoughts, Im in the same boat as you are, and while I have no clue just yet on how to 'fix' this.. at the very least I want you to know you are not alone!!
Everyone here is on your side, and willing to help with the ideas and support.
Manners are common thread.
Manners are common thread. These children lack manners. I asked my SO who has impeccable manners, how his children lacked in that area so much.
He said when the where going through everything he was in survival mode. Making sure they were safe, had food, clean clothes etc...
Crazo went off partying and left them with him 24/7.
He didn't even notice how poor their manners were. Crazo doesn't care and doesn't correct them or help them so that left it all to us. I told my SO this really was deal breaker for me. My work has many functions that are family related and that his children needed to be able to function properly in a formal environment.
I also told him how my company is now having to send our sales people to a "miss manner's" type school because their table manners are so bad that it is an embarrassment to the company when they are having dinner with executives from companies we want to do business with.
SO totally agreed that he had work to do and has been working on solving the "manner's" or lack of issue. They have improved so much. He does the correcting or reminding 90 percent of the time. I do it the rest. It is better when the Bio parent is doing the parenting.
I did feel much better about the fskids when I read in the book step monster how a step mom was trying to correct the skids because they would grab the meat off of the platter with THEIR HANDS! Her husband said she was picking on them when she would correct them. Whatever! How disgusting is that? The fskids look better all the time!
Stacy, I remember your
Stacy, I remember your stories well and you ex is not a good parent. He is not helping his children to grow up to be happy, well adjusted, functioning humans.
You are so right it is the job of the parent to do the parenting. HELLO! My SO does want to be a good parent and he wants his children not be an embarrassment to him or themselves.
The snot thing is killing me...how disgusting is that! Fss would wipe his nose on his sleeve too, I thought it was a boy thing. No it is just a disgusting thing....No more. Thankfully they have done a 180, otherwise I would have bolted. I don't care how wonderful my SO is, I would not have made it.