DH and I will be getting married next year in July. We have been together for 6 years. He was and still is my First love. But sometimes I just have my doubts and wonder if I SHOULD marry him.

There is a saying: A first love will be the hardest to let go and forget because of what you had shared and experienced with that person all for the very first time.

I find that to be very true. DH and I had separated for 2 months 2 years ago. Reason: We had been together for 5 years and he had still not proposed to me so I thought why waste my time with someone who doesn't want to marry me." right? Well those 2 months were the worse 2 months of my life. I was so depressed, angry, upset. I barely ate or slept I missed DH dearly and I pretty much isolated myself from everyone because I just didn't have the energy to feel/be happy. I tried dating and I just couldn't see myself with anyone but DH. I loved him so very much even after I had broken it off. He was all I thought about.

Well months down the road We eventually got back together and yes he did proposed. (I guess its true, You don't know what you have until you lose it.)

Well DH is a wonderful all around great person. I know he loves me and would do anything for me. Just like I love him dearly with all my heart and would do the same. HIS daughter however not so much.(notice I stated I missed HIM those two months not her.) I was and I'm still willing to put up with her period because I wanted and still want to be with him.

She's not a bad kid in general. I've read all of my posts/vents and I must admit I have read a lot worse in this site. As a mater of fact, my issues feel like a walk in the park compared to what some of you ladies have been through and still go through.

Never the less my issues might be pathetic at times but they are still there and they could have still been avoided if someone (DH) just took the right precautions. I've re-read some of my posts along with your lovely comments and I've come to realize that most of the time when it comes to SD9, DH treats me like I'm the in home babysitter. He might not mean to come across that way but it does and it hurts. He expects to much from me when it comes to his daughter and I just don't know If I can deal with this for another 10, 15 years down the road.

Everyone loves differently. I know the way I show love and generosity is completely different on how they both show it but damn do I wish they could be more like me when it came to that aspect.(wishful thinking I know.)

I've done soo much and had sacrificed soo much for them both and I feel like sometimes I get nothing in return. I've given up my freedom, my youth (I was 19 when I met him, 19 and already playing the mommy role.) And yes, I know I don't have anyone to blame but Myself. I chose to be with him knowing that he had an ex-wife and a child but I LOVED him and I was willing to make it work no matter what. Now sometimes I think to myself was it/is it all worth it?

DH and I live together. We have full custody of SD9. (I pretty much help rise his lil girl.) I work and pay my share of the bills. I always do our laundry,(not to DH's liking but I do it none the less) and I clean the house when I feel its in need of a scrub again not to DH's liking and I cook occasionally And I pretty much do everything with and for his daughter. (We have quality time, I take her to school, entertain her, try to discipline her,pack her lunch, help with home work/events, be with her when he works late or out of town etc.. everything a mother should do.) Yet he feels like I never do enough. God forbid if I leave her alone or tell him I don't want to do something for her or with her. I will never hear the end of it! Him and I never fight or argue unless its about her, always about SD9. In my mind I think and feel like "hey, if I have to play the mother role for YOUR child Why do I have to play a house wife as well?. Cook, clean etc. Isn't caring for your daughter enough? I shouldn't have to left a finger at times, why cant he help without bitching?) whether this is wrong of me or not this is how I feel about it and honestly that's one thing I wont change, at least not until we are married anyway.

There are times where I wish HE and SD9 can change and Do THEIR part and not expect so much from me but they wont. I've changed for him for the both of them, I try to be a better person and learn from them, I even try to learn from my mistakes but he feels that HE doesn't have to. That he and SD9 are fine just the way they are.

SO my thoughts are, if this is true what he says then Why should I continue to do my part, my best to be a good role model for his child and a good spouse, Why change My ways, To put up with HIS daughter AND his WAYS/THEIR WAYS. How is that fair? Shouldn't it be 50/50? Shouldn't he want to meet me half way when it comes to the household, relationship, and more importantly HIS daughter?

If I marry him will it change? Will He see the light? Will it get better? I'm soo confused. I love him so much and I've put so much time and effort in our relationship to just quit. I don't want to see that as an option, to leave him and find someone else. I don't want someone else I want HIM or do I feel like this because HE IS after all my first love? Because deep down I really don't want to feel the same way I felt those 2 months we where separated. Its just so freaking hard!...UGH....