Facts are hard DH
Currently SD16 is coming once a month at her choice. She can choice any weekend she wants and screw any plan DH and I may have. She was here a couple of weeks ago and we barely spoke after her 'did you have fun?' comment to me when I got home from visiting my mom's grave.
Sunday afternoon rolls around and DH goes out to warm up the car. SD turns to me and smirks, 'see you in 2 weeks'. I stop dead in what I was doing. "2 weeks?" I ask. "Yeah Fedup, I talked to dad when you were out yesterday and I might start coming every other weekend again." Oh goody for me.
He gets home Sunday night...does DH say anything? Nope. All last week comes and goes and he doesn't say a word. SD calls him last Sunday night. She's failed another course. Teacher hates her. Not her fault. Blah blah blah. I overhear DH say 'we'll talk about when I pick you up friday'. I was not in the room and he didn't know I heard him.
So just now he says, almost in passing, 'I'm picked SD up on Friday at 5'. My response is 'uh huh'. I hear him sigh, like he got away with something. So I give him a moment of joy before...
Me: Oh, by the way, SD told me a week and a half ago she was coming this weekend. Did you know that?
DH: No, that's great. I'm glad you guys are talking again. (Sure DH, all is well when you have your head up your ass)
Me: Do you think that should have been something you should have brought up sometime in the last week and a half?
DH: I didn't know.
Me: Didn't know what?
DH: What?
Me: What didn't you know? That she was coming? Interesting because she said you both talked about it when I wasn't home that Saturday and I heard you on the phone last weekend talking about when you will be picking her up on Friday. So what exactly did you not know?
DH: Do you need anything from the kitchen?
Me: No, thank you and what did you not know?
DH: I didn't know for sure if she was coming.
Me: That doesn't make any sense DH.
DH: *blank stare*
I have never kept DH from seeing SD16. I can busy myself enough when she's here. BUT DO NOT EVER HIDE THE FACT THAT SHE IS COMING AND THAT THE TWO OF YOU PLANNED IT AND DECIDED TO NOT TELL ME TILL DAYS BEFORE. And her coming every other weekend again? Yeah DH, she's buttering you up for something. She comes for extra visits at Christmas, her birthday and when she wants ddddaaadddyyyy to buy her something. Once she gets what she wants or he says no, she's back to monthly visits. He falls for it every freakin' time.
He is still rambling on about how great it is that she told me herself. Like this is some sort of breakthrough in our relationship. He just doesn't get that it's disrespectful and a wee bit devious to make plans with SD and not keep me in the loop.
And the best part? It's a long weekend here...she might be here till Monday. She hasn't decided yet. Glad I'm at the mercy of her whims yet again.
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We live next door to BM and
We live next door to BM and SO often picks SS7 for dinner or the afternoon with us. Do you think he tells me in advance?? Not half the times. I've called him out on that and the answer is that "normal life is having SS; the "abnormality" is when he is not around". And I have to suck it! Don't take me wrong: I do understand he wants to be with his son but can't help feeling put aside.
OMG next door!?! Bless you. I
OMG next door!?! Bless you. I would have a million locks on my doors.
And our balconies face each
And our balconies face each other; how cute is that?? :sick:
We live next door to BM Um,
We live next door to BM
Um, what? Holy crap, we need 30 minutes and a river between, at least.
I wish...
I wish...
16...maybe she wants a
16...maybe she wants a car???
I HATE not being able to plan!!! Rude that DH doesn't let you know. My DH asks me before agreeing to most dinners or scheduling changes because he knows I'm the planner and I know what we all have going on and like to plan alternatives if we have SS vs not on a weekend.
BM picks and chooses when she wants to pick up SS6...maybe this weekend, wait until Thursday night or Friday, no, I'm not coming. Thanks, now we have to break it to him after school and rearrange our plans...or she wants dinner during the week, (not in CO) and his best day this week bc of tests is Wednesday night...I can't do it, that's my worst day. Oh really you crazypants, you work 2 hours on Mondays and 2 hours on Thursdays, what F$&k do you have going on on Wednesday??? But it's all about her, not what's good for the child.
I hope you make some other plans for yourself and get out of the house.
Exactly! If I don't plan
Exactly! If I don't plan everything, nothing will get done. I do the groceries so do you think I should know ahead of time to make sure I get some extra stuff? I have already told DH I am going to the library on Saturday afternoon and out for coffee on Sunday since 'he didn't know' if she was coming or not.
Like I said, I have never vetoed a visit, as painful as they are for me. But when you get all sneaky about it, it's like you are sending her a message that my thoughts don't matter.
A car? I thought about that. Since DH can hardly afford to keep his own car running she is in for a rude awakening.
I detest that these Skids
I detest that these Skids pick and choose which house they choose to grace their presence with
Maybe I'm misunderstanding
Maybe I'm misunderstanding you Echo but I'm not blaming sd. I totally blame dh and bm for allowing her to dictate her schedule. Dh says it gives her more responsibility. I no longer switch my schedule to accommodate her surprise visits.
^^BINGO^^ The original
^^BINGO^^
The original custody arrangement was for once a month visits. When DH moved back to this province, his living arrangments were 'not deamed suitable for having an oposite sex child on the verge of puberty.' Ei. He lived in a tiny one bedroom apartment so she didn't have her own bedrrom. She would sleep in his and he on the couch when she was there. Once he moved in with me and she had her own room, SD16 (then 12) asked if she could cover over EOWE. This went on for about a year until Disney Dad put his foot down a few too many times for SD and Bm's liking. Back to once a month. But at Christmas and her birthday month she will offer to come for extra visits so she can get her gifts.
I have asked DH why he feels it should soley be up to her when she comes for visits. He feels this is giving her a sense of responsibility and getting her to make more mature decisions. This is a child that can hardly make toast for herself. I told him that, once again, I will never prevent him from see her, but how do we make any advance plans? His answer...she comes with us or he stays home with her. So I noticed that she would always glance at our calandar when she would come, then say, dddaaaddddyyy...I think I might want to visit you on *insert date*. He would always be giddy that his little princess would want to spend more time with him. Of course then I am the bad guy and remind him there are plans on that weekend. He would tell me to go as planned and he will stay home. Then more often than not, SD would cancel her weekend at the last minute. DH refuses to believe she would ever be so manipulative..until I put an event on the calendar on the wrong weekend. OOPS! Sure enough she wanted to come that weekend. I smiled and said sure. Then changed it after she left.
I would like to commend you
I would like to commend you for not punching him in the face, because he was begging for it with the playing dumb. My SO would do this to me as well, and I would have a fit.
I doubt the every other
I doubt the every other weekend thing sticks. Last time she was there she probably remembered 2 weeks was Valentine's day and wants to ruin it for you.
Funny you should say that...I
Funny you should say that...I remember mentioning to DH that I thought it would be nice to go out to dinner and a movie on Valentine's Day. We haven't been out since New Year's. She was in the room. I should have known better. When he told me she was coming, I told him we will go another time. He said, 'why can't we all go?'
Sure DH, maybe she can also sleep between us too.