SHE can do no wrong!!
She can do no wrong, apparently, my SD (16). Not even when she is caught out lying, trying to get my BD (14) into trouble, usually trivial things, but her Dad just ignores it as just being her. Now my BD is practically living with her BF along with my older BD(16)who chose not to move in with us 6 months ago, although she does now visit. I find myself so angry that my fiance lets her away with so much, and now I am living here in a house we bought together 6 months ago, without my own girls, but with his daughter who is doing all she can to wreak havoc.
The arguments with my fiance are constantly about his BD and so he blames me for picking on her for things like coming late to dinner, and texting at the table. I don't allow mine to do it and expect all to have some simple family rules somewhere.
My SS (19)has just moved out to live with his girlfriend and I am being blamed for driving him out because of my 'rules' - oddly enough, I didn't feel we had ever established any! The SD is constantly giving me the evils, which of course fiance never sees and of course does nothing about. He is just weak and doesn't want to admit to all the things she gets up to, he sweeps them under the carpet, but last night, because he wanted to use the computer, he said that why didn't she use it in the day (she left school, doesn't work) so that he & I could check mail etc when home from work. She went ballistic! The language! and how she hates me!!! My fault entirely!!! Did he punish her? No, he let her go & stay overnight with her brother!
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perhaps a professional?
My EX fiance is just like that, kids are never to blame,he cannot confront them , BUT he could certainly go off on me for expecting them to abide by what i belive to be basic human boundaries!
Did your BD's live with you befor eyou bought this house with him? I am about to have to sell house we bought together, I finally chose the hard path for now, but what I know to be the easier in the long run.
Perhaps if you guys could get help now, counseling, you can get support in having family rules, make compromises with professionals guidance and it would NOT be you nagging ,but 3rd party setting things straight. Don't tell BF you want counselor to help him, make it positive for guidance and let him know you are willing to do whatever is suggested, ask him if he would be too?
He allowed her to leave school at 16? Is she homeschooling???? or ishe just banking to support her rest of his life? Is 19 year old self sufficient?
compromise?
Don't know if I have any more compromise left! It's been a one-way street in that department.
Sorry to hear you have chosen to sell up and part. How long have you been living together? It is not an easy path, I remember it well doing it when I got divorsed 7 years ago, but if you know that's what you have to do, there will be a light at the end of your tunnel.
We bought this house together 6 months ago - my BD14 has always been with me - until lately. My BD16 chose to live mainly with her BD when my relationship became serious. I know she always hoped BD and I would get back together, and once I moved 10 miles away, she wanted to stay near her friends and school. We get on great though, I just hate the fact that my family is all fragmented, and all for this?!
My SD16 left school in June and is not working - don't know what she's going to do, she's not at all academic. My SS19 has finally got work after over a year dossing around, so we'll have to wait and see if that shapes him up as he's always standing around with his hands outstretched for handouts.
Since joining this site only a few days ago, I feel so supported - I'm not so bad and not so horrible after all. I think I'm only feeling what so many of you are feeling and it is so good to know that we are all there for eachother.
Thank you to all who have lifted my spirits, I really do think I was rock bottom, but some of you ladies out there have given advise and experience and just 'been there' at a time I've felt so lonely.
Wish you all a lovely, peaceful, stress-free weekend, x
Let me ask you something...
do you really want to marry someone who doesn't discipline his children? I read your profile, and know that your fiance is a widow, and I can safely guess that he harbors a tremendous amount of guilt for the fact that his children don't have a mother. That is horrible, but..what good does having guilt do?
Counseling...counseling..counseling. Guilt is preventing your fiance to allow another woman to openly come into his life and be a partner to him. Instead, the guilt blocks him from being the adult, letting his daughter be in the driver's seat, and she will dictate his life, all b/c he feels guilty for something completely out of his control.
Do you want to marry a man who puts his childrens desires over his life first? Right now, you are not his equal, you are a subordinate. That is why he doesn't value your opinion when his daughter misbehaves.
A good therapist will help you guys resolve this...find one quick!
My best wishes to you,
Candice
congrats
Good for you! Therapy is so critical in our lives with all the craziness. Great advice!!
That sounds like a nightmare
That sounds like a nightmare. My SD is 11yo and seemingly well on her way to the same person your SD is at. God help us all! I'm sorry you go through this. It's so hard to deal with, and especially with their BM and BF both not doing their part to stop this horrible behavior. But, what can we do to fix it on our own? No SD is going to listen to us step moms over their own parents when they let her get away with everything. It's sooo frustrating, isn't it? Well, at least you know that we are here for you and that we truly can relate to your feelings and your situation. Only 2 more years until she's out, hopefully. I hope you can make it until then and that your daughter doesn't allow your SD's actions to influence her.
No matter what, you do not deserve to be disrespected by this girl and treated the way you are. Your husband needs to stand up to her, to help her and you both. It is unacceptable for your SD to act this way. Maybe counseling is a good idea and that third party who is neutral can confirm what you are saying and can tell your DH that he needs to discipline his daughter for her own sake and safety.
My best to you. Take care and I'm here if you need to vent.