I really just want to haul back and bitch slap BM - just once.... please? warning - language!
}:)
Yes, she's at it again...
We have the usual every Thursday evening from after school til 8:30pm, then every weekend from after school Friday to 8:30pm Saturday.
Since oh - about last December she has been crying off on her weekends, "can you just take them this or that portion of the weekend, or sometimes the whole weekend" Can you keep them overnight and drop them off Monday mornings... (OH starts work at 5am. Dropping them in the morning means getting up half an hour earlier (3:45am) and getting THEM up, driving them to hers - then they go back to bed til it's time to get up. Not great for any of them really. Then it's "can you keep them overnight on Thursday and drop in the morning?"
We have had 3 skid free weekends since December and I am tired. We cannot do anything just for us when they are here - no couple time or date nights. They are loud and unruly the WHOLE time, they are exhausting. They run screaming around the house right up to bedtime (no matter HOW many times I ask for an hour quiet time before bed to settle them) The nights they are here MY dd's don't go to bed as easily - normally they have quiet time, and they settle, they go to bed, I say goodnight to them and that's it for the night. No drama or hassles. When the skids are here it takes up to 2 hours for all of them to settle and stay in bed let alone go to sleep. They "need" the lights on as they are scared (at almost 13 and almost 10) The lights are really on so they can play on the ipad/ipod all night. So I don't like them here on weeknights as it disrupts MY kids too much as well. I like MY kids to get a full nights sleep. OH actually admitted last weekend they were here (their actual meant to be here w/e) that he could see that it was harder to get them to bed when his were here and that his did disrupt mine (it was the Sunday night and we had them over night again)
FF to Wednesday. BM texts him - we are only having SS on Thursday night as she is taking SD and SD's friend to see a stage show - oh and we have to keep him overnight....
Also, we NEED to have SS overnight Saturday night from his basketball game at lunchtime onwards. AND, the next weekend (1st of June w/e) that is hers, we need to have them the whole w/e from Fri afternoon to MONDAY night....
Problems with this are -
1. my sister was visiting from interstate this weekend and OH wasn't going to the game...
2. We have plans that Saturday night, and that would be 4 weekends in a row we would have had them.
So OH told her we can only have SS on Saturday night from about 4pm. And that we won't be having either of them AT ALL that weekend she wanted us to.
The comeback was the usual crap - what a bad father he is and if he were still the good father he was when they were together he would be prioritising spending time with his kids whenever he could..... ummmm yeah - parent of the year - like YOU do perhaps??? I would so love him one day to point out that her palming them off every weekend must make her a really bad mother then?
Oh well.
The other issue is that she screwed him royally in their property settlement, and appears to have now blown every cent. She rented a house instead of trying to get a mortgage and bought a brand new car with twin DVD players in the back etc (cars are pricier here than the US), she works (praise be) in a bar..., she is taking the skids to the US for 16 days in June, spend over $1000 on each of them at Christmas, as I said earlier she took SD and her mate to see a stage show last week (minimum $300 there plus dinner)
And now we hear from SS (we aren't supposed to know so OH hasn't said anything to her yet) that they have to move to a poorer town an hour away from where they currently live, half an hour further out of town from us - ummmm currently OH travels half an hour in one direction to work and they live very near his work. The new town is half an hour away from us still but in the opposite direction.... so not convenient for getting them from school etc. SD just started her first year of High school this year, BM insisted on having all costs paid at the beginning of the year (camp, full set of winter and summer uniforms, full years bus costs etc) SS plays basketball with a local team to where they live. So, new schools, no more basketball, total disruption and upheaval, she is quitting her job (one of her "friends" told OH that)
All because she can't afford to live their anymore - get this - because of US????? Because WE can afford to buy a nice big house etc. UMMMMM HELLLOOOOO you stupid bitch, we are working our arses off just to survive, our house is big but was very cheap because it needs gutting you stupid cow. I am sick but work my fingers to the bone just to pay the bills, we don't go to stage shows, have fancy cars, go Gold class at the cinema - were lucky to afford the fucking cinema! I just want to point out to these entitled little brats that we already pay a HUGE amount in child support, as well as funding them while they are with us, that WE paid most of their school costs already this year, OH paid in total for SS's camp this week, we pay for basketball, oh fuck the lot of them.
And OH is saying "Of course we'll have to help he with the costs of the new schools etc"
Oh FUCK THE HELL NO WE WON'T. I am soooo pissed off right now.
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Comments
He needs to grow a spine and
He needs to grow a spine and learn how to just say no. Why does he care at all what BM thinks of his parenting skills? Her opinion means NOTHING.
When he says no and she spews vitriol he has to learn to ignore her ranting.
guilty daddy syndrome. He
guilty daddy syndrome. He already feels bad for leaving them, and she knows his buttons (bitch) He KNOWS that he's not a bad dad, but he does feel that by leaving them to some degree he HAS failed them and now he tries his hardest to "make it up" to them.
I point blank told him that we are NOT contributing any extra towards these costs, not while she's swanning around spending money like it's water and MY kids are missing out on doing anything because we have NO money.
I hope she gets a refund on the full years costs we paid and can use that, if not - not my f*cking problem...
EXACTLY - that's what I said
EXACTLY - that's what I said to him!!!!
He said, well what if you changed the kids schools halfway through the year? You would expect their dad to contribute half to the new school wouldn't you????
Ummm no actually. He paid half the school costs and any uniform bits they needed at the beginning of the year - and at this stage has paid nothing else since LOL - so a. I wouldn't expect him to pay any more because *I* decided to move their schools mid way through the year, and
b. like theirs any chance of getting any extra money out of him at the moment when he ain't even paying CS!!
No, we paid, she decided to move. She pays now.
I hear you Luchay!! I'm ready
I hear you Luchay!! I'm ready to bitch slap the living daylights out of BM on my side!! The stupid dense-headed thick as bricks moron has been sending useless emails to DH about the most petty pathetic things!
Firstly, SD has NO clothing at our place - Nothing, zip, nada - zilch. When she comes over every 2nd weekend, she brings her clothes with her, wears them and then takes them back to BM's house. This weekend we took the kids out. SD was wearing tights, a top, a jacket and thongs. After the outing, we dropped the kids off to BM's. Next day, DH gets an email from this thick skulled twat reading him the riot act. She told him that she was "apalled" at the fact that he allowed her go go out in public dressed in such an outfit. Now bear in mind, we don't have any control over what she brings to wear so it's not like we could do anything.
So, DH replied and told BM as much. Her reply was "I'm still APALLED that you let her out like that!". Oh, give me frickin' strength!! This woman is so damned thick she doesn't realise that this is something that only she could control, given that she has all of SD's clothes there.
Anyway, we were then supposed to take SD to dance class that evening. DH rang SD to ask if she was dressed appropriately. SD replied she had on her tights. DH told he to either put a tracksuit pants over it or jeans - then she could take them off at dance class and put them back on afterwards. It's getting close to winter here and is getting quite cold. SD got really pissy towardsd DH. DH and I finished work 2 hours early so we could get her to the dance class on time. In the train, SD rings DH and tells him not to bother coming. She then told him that she'd rang her Mother, told her about DH with the tights. BM told SD that DH was "taking things out of proportion" and then told her not to worry about it, she would drive her to the dance.
I tell you, it's enough to make me want to rip the lungs out of this woman and wrap them around her goddamn stupid brain.
Oh we had this problem for
Oh we had this problem for most of last year (well not BM ringing and bitching about what we let them out in public in, the sending not enough/totally inappropriate clothes)
In the end I got sick of them never having the right stuff, I went out and filled their wardrobes here, so they have enough of anything to get them through. NICE clothes, not dirty slutty trash like BM buys too.... }:)
Now we don't have to worry about it any more - she gets pissy if they accidentally go home in something *I* bought, or they leave her skanky stuff here, but you know what? I don't really care LOL
Luchay, your BM's self
Luchay, your BM's self victimization personality disorder is giving me the urge to find my sledgehammer. She's using you as she uses your DH.
You have so many kids in that home that it's just not fair. If your DH doesn't stop this nonsense just to give you some relief, then I'd just disengage & let him have a hand at his own kids for a couple months. You don't have to leave physically but it will help that you take your biokids out whenever they're around as much as possible.
I have physically removed myself from DH & skid (one skid, only one...holy shit I don't know how you do it girl but much props to you) for over a month (2 more glorious months to go) & disengaged that it's actually working out for the better. They are both scared shitless that the only reliable person that handles everything including our court situation can & has actually walked out that door.
Now I don't recommend this for everyone but if anyone tells me they're tired, I say that's a damn good solution. Not saying you have to live apart just saying, you don't have to be around to take care of HIS kids if he doesn't see you need a rest.
Oh she's a treasure isn't
Oh she's a treasure isn't she!!
To be fair to my OH, he has really stepped up since I was in hospital (wow, was that only a month ago, LOL!) He is being great around here, helping out a lot more, being loving and solicitous (sp) AND even stepping up and parenting better! He did stand up to her with SOME of the above stuff - the weekend that we are busy, he just said NO. Didn't answer when she bad mouthed him. He knows what she is doing, and while he won't say anything back he knows she is in the wrong. So he did stand up to her, and I AM getting that weekend, he also didn't cave and go to the basketball game on Saturday and bring ss back while my sister was here, I only had 4 hours with her and BIL so he stayed and we had a great lunch. So having him overnight was on ok compromise with me.
And I *think* he gets it about the money - she made this decision, she also has education allowance of $1200 coming from the Govt in July, which I pointed out to him, and the fact that if she moves SHE needs to apply for half the levies etc back from their current schools to be paid towards the new schools. WE just don't have it. And as we did pay it once, it is totally unreasonable to expect us to pay it again just because SHE decided to make a stupid move.
Well good Luchay. Thank
Well good Luchay. Thank goodness he's finally backing you up. Good man. But make sure to get rest, you're living the real brady bunch over there & there's no alice around. Actually make DH your alice