How to support DH during this tough time.
Even though DH has seen the light regarding SD, his hurt lately has been coming out at as anger and I feel so badly for him. I was raised without my dad around so it has always bothered me how SD (who lives with us) and SS15 (who lives with BM) have treated DH. He has always been affectionate and loving with them. Been there for them whenever they needed anything and they have done nothing but bad mouth him and manipulate him.
I am really at a loss as to what to do to help him and pretty much stayed out of his way yesterday and let him watch football all day.
My heart just breaks for him, he's a great dad but now he's been saying that maybe he's not a good dad and maybe he's just not "fun enough". I pointed out to him that neither SD or SS are very much fun either.
I hate seeing him like this
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GAH! My DH, told me the
GAH! My DH, told me the other night that he feels he handled SS14 all wrong when he busted him at a drinking party ON his 14th birthday and confiscated his phone and found all kinds of text messages about smoking pot, buying pot, having sex etc. DH read him the riot act, and eventually shut SS phone off. EXACTLY what I would have done, I thought he handled the whole thing perfectly... but no... the other night DH told me that he thinks that he was "too hard" on SS and handled it all wrong, that he shouldn't have yelled. And you know why? Because SS14 and BM2 have pretty much refused to talk to DH since that incident the end of March. So now DH feels guilty and that he handled it all wrong.... well played BM and SS.. well played.
My Lord the freaking kid is out of control, the party and texts was just one incident in a long line of MANY including shoplifting, failing school, fights, smoking cigarettes and DH thinks he was "too hard" on SS for yelling at him and shutting his phone off... it's sad.
Oh heck, I've been on Xanax
Oh heck, I've been on Xanax for years trying to deal with these SK's, I even offered him one last night. I think for Dad's and daughters it's really tough for them to deal with the daughters turning their backs on them to go with a boyfriend. SD admitted that her BF doesn't like us that is why he won't come to our home and she would rather be with BF than us, hence why she won't hang out with DH anymore.
I'm just getting tired of the people who need therapy (SD) not getting it and the rest of us having to get therapy and drugs to deal with their lousy attitudes.
Does DH have any hobbies?
Does DH have any hobbies? Anything he enjoys doing? Fishing? Hiking? Golf? Anthing? If not, is there anything you BOTH enjoy doing? Maybe try to get him focused on staying busy will help keep his mind off things?
I'm going through something a little similar. SD hasn't come over to ours in about 2 months, and it sucks because I know it's hurting DH (I, however, enjoy the peace). My trick is to try and keep his mind occupied with other things - anything! I usually get him to take me to the movies, or we go bike riding, play tennis, swim - whatever it takes!
I would do everything I could to help take his mind off it - even play dress ups, wake up his inner erotica devil and really play it up with him!
Just think of all the fun things you could do - and there are lots and lots of things to do out there - including walking along the beach.. and what about some sex games hmmm?? Think of some outrageous things you could freak him out with - dress ups, diffrent places..etc..etc.. }:)
He is going to a concert with
He is going to a concert with some friends this weekend so that will be great for him. I love your idea about the sex games. With kids always around or coming home we haven't been able to truly break in our new home. I think he needs to work thru his anger at SD first but I will prepare now ha ha.