Well, thanks so much to all those who responded to my previous blog about my SD14's grandfather. Even before reading them, I had decided that this was her decision to make, not mine. I have challenged her for the past 6 years to be decisive and employ reason. Allowing her to not make this decision would not be helpful to her at all. So, she is going to have to make this decision independent of me.

If she decides to go, I am not going to take her. My H just started a new job; so he is working all day tomorrow, but I am going to ask my mom-in-law to take her if she decides to go. That will alleviate any drama or potential drama. I thought about it and I don't think it fair for me to go, especially in light of my disdain for BM and hers for me. So that is my decision.

It appears SD14 in leaning towards writing a poem and or letter and picking out a bouquet of flowers to send to the memorial service. The gentleman's body was donated to science; so she won't get to see him and she said due to the fact that she has been estranged from her mom and sisters so long that she just doesn't think she could handle reuniting for the first time in almost a year at a funeral. She is very torn and emotional. I told her last night that I am just going to support whatever decision she makes 100%. Of course she asked me again last night to promise her I would go with her if she decided to go, and I did promise her. But I am going to explain to her that it would simply be wrong to do so under the circumstances.

Now I fear if I don't go, she definitely won't go either. I spent a lot of time the last couple of days wondering why she is so adamant about me taking her and not H. I think the answer is this:

I think SD14 wants me to go with her because she knows they won't even try that mess as long as I am there. They would turn on the waterworks and do the you have destroyed our family with H, but they won't even dare do that when I am around. BM has more interest in getting H alone to "guilt-trip" him than she does to honor the memory of her father. She is just a mess. So my SD14 is seeking my protection from the drama as I have been consistent in six years with BM and her sisters...we live drama-free.

*big sigh* Last thing SD14 said to me last night as I tucked her in...whatever decision I make, no regrets, right? And I said, right. She is strong enough to make this decision. I've just got to remind her of that.

Thanks again for the responses and great minds do indeed think alike.

Evil Diva