Yikes we have peace
Since my last posts where I was so strained from BM drama we have been free of her BS for six months now.
she's refusing to obey the CO for visitation and he's chosen to stop fighting it as she made lots of allegations to the police, he blocked her sorry ass and refuses to respond to any messages she sends. We haven't seen the kids in six months and we miss them but life is AMAZING. No anxiety no BS. And finally he can see woods from trees that she isn't worth giving any more attention to.
we are hoping in the years that come the kids reach out so he can explain their mom blocked him from seeing them.
we are finally living life on our terms and my partner is having less anxiety every single day. He is getting strong so he can be there for them when they will come looking asking questions for which he won't hold back being forthright and honest. BM still trying to get reaction and her personality disorder appears to be driving her desire to get him to take her back to court so she can have more attention.
I do hope for him and the kids he has made the right decision. We know the children will be damaged but less damaged by continual court appearances and interventions from authorities questioning them all the time about their dad as if he had done something wrong.
My DH did the same with SS21
My DH did the same with SS21 and after some grieving, the peace was fantastic. My SS did eventually come back - your DH should try his best to keep in touch with them however he can, just so they know the door is always open and he still loves them.
You know BM is the drama queen
So the other shoe is going to drop sometime
What's the other shoe??
What's the other shoe??
He hand delivered gifts for their birthdays and for Easter. She won't let them have phones or answer for him to speak to the kids.
he can only reach out so much. They know he loves them but she is a master manipulator I think! But eventually kids will see it clearly.
for now the peace is heavenly!! But we do miss them, my partner obviously much more. There's more to life than entertaining a crazy BM with constant court appearances.
Well, it's not unheard for a
Well, it's not unheard for a mother like this to dump the kids on the father as another way of controlling him and ruining his marriage. But not all will do that, plenty are thrilled to have cut off contact.
You said she still tries to contact him - what about?
Yep. She will damage them to
Yep. She will damage them to the point that she can no longer deal with their behavior then send them back to dad. Often this will be when CS is nearing its end.
I think she's already damaged
I think she's already damaged them to the point where their father does not have any parental authority in their lives so good luck to BM managing them through the teen years; it's easy to manipulate them when they are young but not so easy when they are teens. And I know the first sign of troubled teens she will be on the phone looking for support and partner and I have agreed this is not going to happen she needs to face the consequences of her devsions today. In no way am I having ruthless messed up teens living in my home. They have also rejected their father because they are afraid of her, they need to learn that every decision has a consequence. Sorry if I appear to have zero sympathy but I'm done with the BS.
You may be done with the BS,
You may be done with the BS, but if BM drops them on your DH's doorstep, he has a legal responsibility to take them in. YOU don't have to stick around, but years of alienation doesn't mean he gets away from having to finish raising them, even if they hate him amd are holy terrors.
That's not meant to scare you; that's just reality. I'm living a fairly tame version of that right now. BM couldn't afford to be a mom anymore, so she left a suicidal and angry teen on my doorstep. The only saving grace is that YSS wanted to live with his dad. Even with that, it's NOT easy.
Military School!
Military School!
DH thought for sure BM would
DH thought for sure BM would do this - but CS goes to 21 in our state, so we'd have had no obligation to take him in. She didn't, he's still totally dependent on her (though it's only been 3 months since child support ended, so we shall see).
A person can only keep
A person can only keep fighting a losing fight for so long.
I know you guys miss them but sometimes you have to let go. Hopefully, they will someday see the truth and the relationship can be re-established.
Enjoy the peace!
We are not going to battle
We are not going to battle with someone so crazy any more. We are done, the only person she's fighting with now is herself, I can't wait for her to want us to have them because it's convenient to her as we simply won't be available. No matter how hard that choice is. Over the last two years we have come to the realisation a weekend here and there when it suits BM is so toxic and teaches the children it's okay to use and abuse people. It's not okay. And unfortunately they are the victims of their own spiteful jealous unstable BM.
Damn the torpedoes and full
Damn the torpedoes and full speed ahead. If I were a d NCP in this I cannot see doing anything less than absolutely anything I could to destroy someone who was that toxic to my children.
I would have her hip deep in contempt motions and my kids would know every sordid detail about their toxic, lying, manipulative mother. The school would know, the police would know, CPS would know, Churches, Coaches, her family, etc....
No quarter.
It’s not worth the battle
I think, in the end. When BM realises we don't give a damn anymore and that she's hurting no one except herself she will have a change of mind... the only difference is we won't accept scraps of child access going forward.
her controlling nature once she realises my partner is done with trying to get access won't allow her just to leave it, she craves his attention. She will want to give him the kids again because in her head that gives her control of him, us! It doesn't.
she doesn't know we are now engaged. She doesn't know we have bought a house together and she certainly doesn't know we are trying for a baby. All these torpedos are coming her way and she just won't have the ability to handle that!