Does This Seem Wildly Unfair?
OK - So I told you all about Disney World and the way the little brat ruined my vacation. I told you a little bit about what happened afterwards too.
This has been ongoing for months now. Sometimes it seems better -- but that is because those are the times that she is not around.
I can not take this child anymore. My nerves are fried, and I still can not stomach to even look at her. Last night she colored with crayon and pen ALL OVER our walls. She knows better. I can't understand why she's behaving this way -- and frankly, I really don't care to.
This kid has caused nothing but stress in our relationship. In fact, 99% of the fights my husband and I have had all stem from her. I'm so sick of it.
So, back to my question: How unfair is it of me to finally say that it's either her (she can go live with her mother) or me?
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I think it is completely
I think it is completely fair, BUT I have read posts on here from women who posed the same ultimatum to their DH's and their DH's chose the skid. So, if you are going to do that I suggest you fully prepare yourself for any answer you may receive.
I'm sorry you have to deal with is...it would be hard for me not to beat this little girls ass.
Frankly if he were to choose
Frankly if he were to choose to end our marriage,then so be it -- I am DONE with this kid.
He sent her to her room and he scrubbed the walls -- she fell asleep.
" HE " scrubbed the walls?
:jawdrop:
" HE " scrubbed the walls? That should tell you a lot right there.
Not only would my own daughter be scrubbing that, she would be working around the entire house, with the wall scrubbing.
Being a SM is so frustrating when having to look at such passive-wimpy-parenting styles.
If that is the case, the
If that is the case, the stepmother never lost anything to begin with.
Good riddance!
Her mother could take a lot
Her mother could take a lot more responsibility. I think it's quite reasonable to declare it, 'her turn'. Further, my husband has said several times, "I'm going to send her to live with X (her mother)".
why not just leave, with all
why not just leave, with all due respect, i don't know ANY parent in the right mind that would pick a spouse over their kids, i know i sure wouldn't, you'll be the one hurt in the long run, if you give him that kind of ultmatium, he wont regret leaving you at all (who would).
i would try to start with a compromise, from now on, only buy her WASHABLE marker's throw all the rest away (no crayons at all) and leave him or sd up to washing it off etc
I think it's unfair for you
I think it's unfair for you to make him choose between you & his child. I agree with blender, in that if he were to choose you, over time he would grow to resent you & he would blame you for any fallout between him & his child. His child will blame you for interfering in her relationship with her dad.
If her behavior is the issue you have, then your issue should lie with your husband & his lack of effective parenting/discipline.
If you can't/don't want to deal with this child in your life, it'd serve everyone best if you were the one to leave. Don't force a wedge between your husband & his child.
Even if he were to choose you, there is always the chance that something could happen to BM & you'd have her back in your home anyway...with more issues.
There's a difference between
There's a difference between being in a sinking boat and having to choose between your spouse and your child and this situation. When you're married, you're supposed to be concerned about your marriage and if shitty kid behavior jeopardizes is, you've got to nip it in the bud, and not worry about alienation of affection, the kid not wanting to visit, the version of the story that the skid gives to BM. If it is more important to placate your child than do the right thing for your marriage (meaning, get a bratty kid under control) then the person shouldn't marry. If a person wants to make their child the complete center of their universe, that's their choice but they should opt to wait for an adult love relationship until the kid is on their own (if that ever happens). There's not one person who will ever be happy in a relationship that revolves around a child -- biofamily or stepfamily. If a kid's bad behavior, an ex's bad behavior, your bad behavior is causing your spouse grief, wouldn't you want to change it? I sure would. That's putting your marriage first. It's got nothing to do with making the child "less".
I seriously think people who are afraid to parent their children effectively, make their children the center of everything, and expect their spouse/partner to do the same should skip getting married. Have the primary relationship with the kid.
LIKE ^^^^^^^^
LIKE ^^^^^^^^
Okay, I get what you all are
Okay, I get what you all are saying. However, this has been on-going it's MY home and her behavior is beyond, 'annoying'. She can not be allowed to disrupt an entire household. Do you know that I haven't slept in over a week? Why? Because this kid does not sleep, runs around the house, wakes the dog, plays the piano, COLORS ON MY F'ING WALLS,etc. We both get out of bed and put her back in her bed -- she'll get out....I have gone as far as removing her favorite toys from her room. This child wills herself to stay awake. She did it the entire trip also. Further, my husband has said several times, "maybe she'd be better if she lived with her mother". He is at his wits end too. I did talk to him and I did not give him the 'her or me' ultimatum; I said, "if something doesn't change my son and I are leaving. I can not live under these conditions, this is not a life".
Now we have scheduled a time to talk to BM about all of the issues and try to come up with a plan.
Wish me luck!