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Feeling so betrayed!!

Dudes Mom's picture

Submitted by Dudes Mom on Mon, 03/07/2011 - 11:58pm

Hi there,

I am new here, and I am feeling so pissed of at the moment I dont know what to do.
For the past 15 years I have been a step mom. My Step daugter was only 3 years old and my step son was 9. They have been staying with my husband ever since the girl was 6 months old, as their biological mom decided she doesnt want to be a mom anymore. Well I met him 3 years later and ever since I was a mom. Now after 15 years she decided she wants to see her kids again, They are now 18 and 24. And they both decided that they are moving to their mom, THIS WEEKEND. There wasnt any problems, no fights nothing. I dont know what she promissed them. I know they are not kids anymore. How should I handle this?

Comments

Dudes Mom's picture

Submitted by Dudes Mom on Tue, 03/08/2011 - 12:53am

Thanks for replying.

Yes I love them very much, and my heart is breaking at the thought that they are leaving. I think if they would have left to stay on their own it wouldnt have been so bad.
I always wanted them to have a relationship with their mom, Over the years I used to organise for her to come to their birthday parties and I always updated her with everything that they did in their school years, but she never showed up.
We have a little son aswell, he is 2and a half, that is what really makes me so sad about this whole thing, is that he will miss his big sister and brother so much, luckely they are only moving about 30 kilo's away so it is not that far, and hopefully they will visit often.
And I have told them that this will always be their home.

cenrok's picture

Submitted by cenrok on Tue, 03/08/2011 - 12:41am

I can see how you would feel betrayed. You raised these kids, now what???

Well, I am sure you have done a wonderful job. I bet they know that & love you. But, they probably have wondered their whole lives why their birth mother "didn't want them". So, they probably just feel the need to "see".

Stay strong.

Dudes Mom's picture

Submitted by Dudes Mom on Tue, 03/08/2011 - 1:04am

Thanks for replying.
They were sensitive about this both my sd was crying saying that she doesnt want to hurt us but didnt really give a good reason, my ss said that his bm said that it will be like he stays on his own and he really need this, Well my sd is in university so she only come home weekends anyways and my ss works full time,. About the bribing, the BM got married to a very rich guy and apparently they will build each of the kids their own little flat in the back garden.so I think this is sort of bribing. What they dont realise is that you cant build 2 flats in a back garden in a week, so they will be moving into her house, not on their own. And if history repeats it self, this will just be empty promises.

Dudes Mom's picture

Submitted by Dudes Mom on Tue, 03/08/2011 - 1:11am

Well well. This looks like it might get ugly now.
My husband just got a phone call from their BM to please send over all their photo's and any old school things, like special drawings and things we have kept! And also please all their bedroom furniture.

simifan's picture

Submitted by simifan on Tue, 03/08/2011 - 3:01pm

Shit ! List all the stuff you bought for them on Craig's List... why would you let such ungrateful ADULTS come back to live in your house when they fail (& I Think we all agree they will). This is an ADULT decision with ADULT consequences there would be no coming back in my opinion.

skylarksms's picture

Submitted by skylarksms on Tue, 03/08/2011 - 8:37am

Although I think that the skids should be given the chance to live with BM and get to know her better, I do NOT think that BM has the right to ANY of their things that are at your house.

How much CS did she pay to help you guys raise the skids? None, you say?? Well, then she should have plenty of money to purchase those things FOR them, if she wants them to live with her.

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Tue, 03/08/2011 - 12:47pm

My guess is this is just the kids curiousity. I worked in foster care for about 5 years. ALWAYS, if a foster kid knew where their bio parent was it was the first thing they did when they aged out. It didnt matter what a piece of crap that "parent" was or if they'd had no contact for 10 years-they still had that burning drive to know their parent and that hope that they could somehow be a family.

It NEVER worked out. Oh, wait there was one case I know in which the kid reunited with the father and I assumed it worked and they are still living together-but typically it wouldnt take more than a few months-sometimes it was the very first time they saw their parent-before they realized that they could not have a healthy relationship with this person.

I would give them their space to find out on their own what a loser their mome is. I would also not speak to the bm at all-you owe her nothing-I guess if you feel you must speak to her you can ask her for cash for all the things you paid for over the years. Or as a fee for raising her children.