I'll read your blog in a bit.

This sh*t (talking about revisiting the CO) started the moment the original CO was drafted. Someone planted this seed in DW's ear that the CO can be re-written once SS reaches the age of maturity.

neither DW nor SS seem to get it. I can just see it now.

Judge: "So SS. Can you explain to me why you want to stay at your Mom's and Drac0's for the summer instead of spending time with your Dad?"

SS: *shrug*

Judge: "You don't have a reason, or you just don't want to tell me? It's okay. Take your time."

SS: "I dunno."

Judge: "So why are you here?"

SS: "'Cuz I wanna be with my Mom."

Judge: "Okay...Why?"

SS: *mumbles*

Judge: "I beg your pardon? Can you speak up please?"

SS: "I'm bored at my Dad's."

Judge: "Surely a boy your age can do something to occupy himself?"

SS: *shrugs*

You know what Vick. I have been going back to re-read some of my blog posts from a year ago. I don't find my tone has gotten worse. I think what has changed is that I am less "fearful".

Even if SS really, really, REALLY wanted to change the CO and had a very good reason too, I would have a nice LOOOOOONG talk with him and he would have to do a TON of convincing to me to convince me that spending less time with his father is good for him. Right now, SS gets these in these "moods" that change as quickly as the passing winds. I have told DW this but she doesn't believe me. She believes SS is ready. So I told her "Fine, do what you want, but I won't support it."

Goodtimes, you are seeing the problem in an entirely different light. PAS entails a direct attempt to sabotage the relationship a child has with the other parent.

The REAL problem is that DW is so emotionally enmeshed with her son that she cannot see the global perspective and hones in on the negative emotions that her son is having and feels morally obligated to "save him". SS is a teen but still behaves and acts like a child.

So SS says he is "bored" at Donkeykong's. DW views this as Donkeykong's fault and wants to save him.

But then let's say Donkeykong comes home and takes the kid out somewhere (it does happen). Suddenly SS is NOT bored and says he has a great time at his Dad's.

Do you see what I mean?

SS flip/flops like a switch.

>You're right. She needs to give it up because every time she entertains this thought, she is continuing to hold him back from growing up and maturing.<

And SS still needs the opportunity to at least "try" and develop a relationship with his father. His father is an ass, but it is entirely up to SS and his father now to take these long stints in the summer to try and bond.

What's sad (at least for me at any rate) is that Donkeykong and his wife have an entirely new family now and SS still feels like he doesn't fit in there. At first I thought, "Well then why bother going there at all? At our place, he feels he is home. Just let him stay here full time and visit his Dad when he wants to." But I quickly realized that is the wrong approach. So when SS laments over having to stay at his Dad, DW should be encouraging him to make the most of his time at his Dad's, instead of entertaining these ridiculous fantasies of "let's rewrite the CO!"

IMO yes, it would.

For the following reasons:

A) No more having to deal with a sleep deprived kid whose father lets him go on all-night benders on the weekend.
Better monitoring of school studies during the weekend. As of now, I am convinced SS does absolutely none at his father's
C) A LOT less fighting between DW and Donkeykong. Although she tries to hide her distaste for Donkeykong, SS is an emotional sponge and picks up on it and it does affect him.
D) No more confusion over the rules/structure imposed in the two homes. SS still cannot remember what rules are in place at which home.

However, in no way shape or form does my opinion trump Donkeykong's rights and I feel it is better to respect Donkeykong's rights than try to figure out a way to undercut them. That is why I prefer not discussing the issue with DW because she simply can't see that.

"Bathroom Trick"

The act of seeeking refuge in the bathroom using the ruse of "Nature's Call". This tactic is usually employed by teenagers in order to get out of doing chores, homework or some other shunned activity. The best part about this stealth maneuver is that there is no evidence of foul play. The parent cannot chastise/discipline the teen for trying to get out of "X" since going to the bathroom is a very normal and common occurance. Hence why it is a "trick".

The "Bathroom Trick" is not limited to simply teens. It is sometimes used by adults who find themselves in unsavory situations like; blind dates, quarterly office meetings, get-togethers with your in-laws, etc. In my case, I used the bathroom trick to get out of talking to my wife about something I really had no wish to discuss. And my wife will not talk to me through a closed bathroom door.

When it comes to SS, I feel like Denzel's Washington's character in "2 Guns"

"I really meant to love you."

Please bear in mind that DW and I get along smashingly well. The only times we have real grudge matches are over SS, and those big blow-ups are very few. Like maybe once or twice a year. I wouldn't be with DW now if we had not learned how to communicate with one another. That is our strength. We are both very loving to each other and to our family.

I know my blogs may not paint my DW in the best of light, but she has come a long way from the woman I first met who was letting SS waste whole meals and then give him not one but TWO bowls of ice-cream for dessert. I started on her for allowing that, and I have been chipping away at her ever since. Slowly but surely, DW has come around and will even admit today that what she did back then was wrong and it was bad parenting on her part.

We still have a long way to go. Neither DW nor myself are perfect but we owe it to ourselves (and to each other) to be the best parents we can be.

I know that doesn't really answer your question. Mainly because I don't see my wife becoming my ex. I know it is difficult for many people here who are on the opposite side of the fence. To many of you, my wife must surely seem like another loopy BM. Well she is "loopy" in the sense that she is emotionally enmeshed with SS and even after the therapist told her that straight to her face, she still doesn't see it. Maybe in time she will, but for now, she doesn't and gets stricken with a 1000 pangs of guilt whenever SS gets upset and sheds his weekly bucket of tears over something.

DW is vowing to "step up to the plate" (so to speak) over SS and summer school. She says she plans to sit down with him every night to review his work and stay on top of him.

I have said nothing. I told DW and SS once AND ONLY ONCE, that I will not nag, push, or chase SS to stay on top of his studies. Because if I have to do that even ONCE, that means SS is going to fail and repeat grade 8. In other words, I have put the whole onus on them.

Sure, I will make myself available if SS needs my help. That I have no problem with. But if I come home from work to find SS "studying" in front of the TV again while DW is out back smoking and checking her friend's FB statuses on her cell, it will not bode well.