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Don't think I'm going to win the whole "don't text the woman at work" thing.

DoubleUteeEFF's picture

So I know most of you know about my previous posts about DH texting his female HR manager in whom I do not like nor am comfortable with.
She just gives me this feeling. I trust my instincts. She's lied about being an alcoholic to get closer to DH (who has been sober for 13 years).
Most of their texts were work related but she would pry here and there about how Him and I are doing.
How HIS baby is doing and how she can't wait to meet HIS baby. She would send him pictures of baby things.
When I visit him at work she ignores me. She's rude. She won't look at me. Or say hello. She will purposely engage in a conversation with DH about some inside joke crap with work that I obviously can't involve myself in. So it's just awkward.
She sends him snap chat pictures sometimes. (He doesn't have snapchat on his phone but it's on our iPad - which we don't use. The only reason I haven't deleted the app is because I'm curious as to what she sends him)
He doesn't see this woman's pictures. Most of the time it's random stuff. Pictures at work or pictures of a funny looking customer or sign. And sometimes they are very unflattering selfies that I kinda wish DH would see.
Pictures are NEVER sent back to her. And DH never sees the pictures she sends.

Told him I didn't like him texting her. Work related or not. I'm not okay with private texts. Only group texts with the other managers and her is okay with me.
He didn't listen once or twice and by the third time he lied and I flipped out.
Now he ignores her texts completely. She texts him almost every day and he honestly (even checked the bill) does not answer her.
I asked if she's asked about why he doesn't answer her text and he says no. That she hasn't mentioned anything.
So now I think she's just weird. Can't take a hint or something.

DH said HE is starting to feel awkward. He said that he communicates with all the other managers at work via text so it's weird not communicating with her. (Again, apparently she hasn't even questioned him ignoring her)

He says it's making work difficult. But it's not. HE just "feels bad" for ignoring her. That's the issue.
And I don't get why the hell he cares.

She texted him "happy birthday" on his birthday and he ignored it.
He said "all the other managers texted me on my birthday and I said thank you to them but I didn't answer her"
Then DH had a meeting out of town today (not at his job) and I didn't know she would be there.
I guess she had to make a presentation so she texted him tonight and asked him how she did.
Again, he didn't answer. But I guess her last text is what made him bring it up to me just now because he probably feels bad for ignoring her.

He tells me I just need to let it go.
And I feel like he's getting into my head. I didn't answer him, I told him I need to think. But I kept reminding him that it's all in his head and he needs to not care as much. Especially considering that she hasn't even asked him about it.

Ugh! Wtf

Comments

GoodBye's picture

She's probably asked him about it. There's no way if he went from texting her to never responding that she hasn't asked about it. They probably had an awkward conversation about it and he's afraid to tell you...maybe he told her you asked him not to? Sorry, I know that doesn't help, but that's what I would be thinking.

DoubleUteeEFF's picture

I said the same thing. I questioned him and was like...that makes no sense.
She texts him almost DAILY.

You're seriously telling me she hasn't asked about it?
And he says and swears that she hasn't.
So either he's lying, or she's really fucking creepy.

GoodBye's picture

Ok, normally I'm not a super suspicious psycho, I swear lol. But...

1) she ignores you when you go visit him at work, and makes jokes with him to make you feel left out. This is a strong indication that she dislikes you. What reason would she have for disliking you, other than you are with the man she has the hots for? (Come on...we all know the way women work lol)

2) they work together. They see each other every day, which means they talk sometimes. In what world would a person who texts someone every day and suddenly doesn't receive a response not ask about it if they talk at work?

She probably knows her texting him pisses you off, and even though he doesn't respond she does it anyway just for that reason. *sigh...* gotta love women like that.

MamaFox's picture

I would confront her.

Not in a vicious "beeyotch best stay way from my mayun!" Way but more like, "I am concerned if other managers or employees found out you text and snap chat my husband so often and it's not work related that it could possibly be misconstrued as favoritism..." and just leave the sentence hanging with the implication that YOU know and could tell someone if you felt like it.

Lalena75's picture

He should tell her that her non work related texts make HIM uncomfortable, and that if she doesn't keep it work related all other texts will be ignored because HE finds it creepy. Letting her think it's you making him make these choices will make this situation worse, there is no reason for her to communicate with him other than blatant work items and he should tell her he doesn't use snapchat it's a shared account

She_Sparkles's picture

He has probably taken his communication with her underground. He probably responds to her when he sees her or uses a texting app that isn't using your cell carrier data. That's why his answers are so odd when you ask him what she says about him ignoring her. Something doesn't smell right here and I think it would be wise to stop bringing it up and just start monitoring him. Put a keylogger on his cell if you have to.

misSTEP's picture

He says that she hasn't asked...but has already proven himself a liar. Why wouldn't he lie about this, too?

Bottom line is, YOUR happiness should matter MORE to him that a CO-WORKER's happiness. Since he thinks you should just suck it up on the CHANCE that she is upset, speaks volumes to me.

I went through a similar situation with my DH and a co-worker (although she was on the same level, same department etc). I tried to be nonchalant about it even though my gut was screaming at me that she was a threat. Finally, I did have to put my foot down about it and he did as I asked and cut ties with her.

If this guy were my DH, I would say, "Who would you rather have upset? The person you WORK with or the person you have SEX with?"

Totalybogus's picture

HE needs to fix this. She may be creepy, but he is the one responsible for the continued texts. HE has to tell her that this is not appropriate. He is letting his ego get in the way of your comfort.

I would not have any conversation with her and never let her see you sweat. Never let a man goad you into a confrontation with another woman. It is sooo NOT classy. Let her be the trashy one.

Unfortunately, you're going to have to give him a consequence if he doesn't knock it off.

positivelyfourthstreet's picture

Smells like month old fish

Why would she keep on and on with the texting if she is being ignored?

I agree with the other poster who nelieves your H took it underground

This does not pass the smell test

Sorry